


Shingeki no Shizuo

by Shirohimesstories



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2018-09-25 21:39:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 49,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9846434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shirohimesstories/pseuds/Shirohimesstories
Summary: (Shizaya/ Shingeki no Kyojin AU) *CRASH*Dust, dirt- His hands shot for the blades on his body. His ears rang. Titan- It was the first thought that struck the raven´s mind like lightning. The steel wires shot out of the vertical maneuver equipment the raven practically flying over to the source of destruction. A cloud of steam had risen on the training ground like a nuclear bomb and he could hear people screaming. All his senses sharpened as he tried to make out just where the hell that Titan was- Except- The dust lifted and... there was- none? He let his sight travel over the scene- Only to be left to blink. Blink, in surprise. But also amazement. And maybe a bit of- disbelief.  In the middle of the training ground, there was just one guy. UPDATES EVERY TWO WEEKS





	1. ஜ The new recruit ஜ

**WELCOME TO SHINGEKI NO SHIZUO *0*0*0*0*0*00*0*0****

**xDD or "Attack on Shizuo" whatever you prefer to call it x'D**

**Long, long you have been waiting for this and now it´s finally here *^*^* A story, a bit like sotd, but with no scary zombies shits- you want to see action?! *0* You want to see Shizuo save Izaya!? *0* YOU WANT THEM TO KISSANDFUCKAND-COUGH COUGH-**

**Excuse me- THEN NOW**

**Let´s start C:**

\--๑-๑ **ஜ** ๑-*0*-๑ **ஜ** ๑-๑--

**\---Izaya´s point of view---**

"Welcome back captain Orihara." Ah there he was. His humans were getting less and less patient it seemed. It hadn´t even been half an hour since he returned from outside the walls. Walking past an array of windows the raven couldn´t help but notice a blotch of blood on his left cheek.

Ahh, this couldn´t do now could it.

Bringing up his wrist he rubbed the stain off.

"I take it you have something for me?" the boy walking next to him, wearing no specific emblem yet, nodded quickly, clumsily skimming through some papers he was carrying in both his hands. "New recruits have been accepted to the training ground, captain. The commander wanted me to give you the details."

Oh how nice of him.

Filing him in the second he returned from having dozens and dozens of these useless recruits slaughtered, Izaya found himself wondering if this was supposed to be some sort of joke or simple amusement for the man.

"Go on," he said, pulling the two rings, he had taken off during the ride, out of his pocket to put them back on. The smooth surface slithered over his skin as the newbie continued.

"Yes, it were a total of 20 volunteers, 17 from Wall Maria, and 3 from Wall Rose," the raven snorted at that response.

"Volunteers, alright," he couldn't bring himself to hide the sarcasm in his voice. The boy looked at him rather dumbfounded and checked his papers again before glancing back at him.

"Uh... they are?"

What a cute little child. Knowing nothing, being blissfully naive.

"Fighting against the threat of human kind, sure it has something noble and some people might declare themselves as heroes just going out there once and returning alive. Bragging about how they fought when they immediately quit their duties after their first trip," the raven started speaking the boy listening intently to every word he said. A chuckle, more malicious than heartfelt left the raven´s lips.

"But from Wall Maria? Having seen the Titans tear people apart midair? Voluntarily?" the word voluntarily itself seemed like a joke to him already. "The lack of food is still present, isn´t it? Promises, all but promises lured them thinking they will survive. It´s nothing but a farce, and yet everyone believes it."

Wall Maria got invaded. Two weeks ago supposedly.

-from what he had heard. He hadn´t been one to be present at that time.

Being out on an excursion the whole time, trying to find something, anything, just a clue would have been enough but of course that didn´t happen- and then he returned home to find this- nothing but that big hole blasted into the wall.

Titan´s rummaging in the city. The houses destroyed, dead humans everywhere.

For a second he really had thought they might as well have invaded the other walls as well.

So many fighters, so many recruiters, and no one could keep them from breaking the wall. And yet they were still training new ones?

For what even.

He shook his head softly, wondering just when the heck he would be able to take a break today.

"Really, humans are certainly interesting. Clinging to even the slightest straw of hope when they are already caught in a bento box." The boy blinked, his face showing nothing but confusion at the words Izaya said, making him sigh.

"... captain? I don´t think I understand-" Izaya shook his head, passing the last few houses as he continued his way to the training grounds.

He could already see their destination from afar. This deserted place right next to the wall.

He really did wonder how long it would take until even that broke.

"Proceed, but please skip the boring parts." He really has had enough information to deal with as it already was. What good would it do if he concerned himself with these useless newbies?

"The boring parts?" Letting his steps come to a halt the raven stopped, turning to actually face the boy, his arms crossed in front f his body. The sooner he finished this the sooner he could check up on the two. 

"Well, is there any volunteer worth my attention?" Something exceptional maybe? Some kind of prodigy? If he was going to examine the outside of the wall once more he would need at least someone not exceedingly stupid and reckless like the last bunch he had to lead.

Two third of them died when they faced the first titan. Talk about being reckless and stupid. On top of all not listening to his commands. They all seemed to thing they knew perfectly well how to handle themselves how to ace titans and how to survive.

Grave errors on their parts.

The boy flicked through the pages while the raven twisted and played with the rings on his fingers. He didn´t need more of these idiots, it would almost be safer going out there alone than having this kind of idiots with him.

"... not really," the boy mumbled finally, just affirming the raven´s low expectations.

"I see. Well then-" he was about to turn around and walk back again. After all this was just a waste of time, when the black haired boy cleared his throat once more.

"Uhm, but... there is a rumor though about one of the volunteers," he mumbled, obviously not sure whether he should even mention that sort of thing.

The raven paused once more.

A rumor?  A smirk drew across his expression. This was actually the first good thing he heard today. Curiosity taking the better of him he decided to give an ear to that one.

"I love rumors, what does it say~?"

"Well, one of the volunteers, from Wall Maria, supposedly beheaded a titan during the attack..." the boy answered timidly.

Surprised the raven hummed. Beheaded a titan? One of the volunteers?

Defeating a titan and even just hitting its neck properly with the hard steel blades was something not all of the soldiers managed to do even after training, but severing an entire head?

Without absolving any training whatsoever?

Well that was something he would call promising.

"Now why didn´t you say that earlier~?" the raven grinned, turning on his heels as he skipped to the training ground. What kind of monster would that be that was able to behead a titan?

All of a sudden this boring day had become much more interesting.

The boy tried following him quickly as his steps got faster, pushed by curiosity.

"... because," the boy said, catching up to the raven again "he is rumored to have done it with a tree."

**_*CRASH*_ **

Dust, dirt-

All of a sudden the loud noise startled them both making the raven come to an halt instantly-

His hands shot for the blades on his body. His ears rang.

_Titan-_

It was the first thought that struck the raven´s mind like lightning.

The steel wires shot out faster of the vertical maneuver equipment than the boy could even comprehend what was going on- the raven practically flying over to the source of destruction.

A cloud of steam had risen on the training ground like a nuclear bomb and he could hear people screaming.

All his senses sharpened he tried to make out just where the hell that Titan was-

Except-

The dust lifted and... there was- none?

Blades in both his hands he landed on top of the trainees sleeping dorm- letting his sight travel over the scene-

Only to be left to blink.

Blink, in surprise.

But also amazement.

And maybe a bit of- disbelief.

In the middle of the training ground , there was just one guy.

Blonde, obviously angered, lifting the maneuver gear training tool above his head.

Veins had popped on his forehead making him seem like a raging bull. The people around him obviously shunned him, were afraid, as they kept their distance, all of them vigilant watching what the man was going to do it.

It was when the blond smashed the thing down into yet another training tool and screamed, "Fuck this shit!" at the top of his lungs, that an uncontrollable smirk spread across the raven´s lips.

"Ryuugamine-kun, wasn´t it?" Startled the boy looked up the house´s roof Izaya was standing on.

"Ah- yes?" the captain was looking awfully happy for some reason-

"The volunteer´s name, who beat the titan with a tree, what was it?" hurriedly the boy skimmed through the papers in his arms. One or two falling down until one sheet dropped into his hand.

The name neatly written in the worst handwriting he ever saw.

"Heiwajima Shizuo."

**\---Shizuo's point of view---**

"This fucking bullshit-" how the hell was this even supposed to work?! He was so fed up with this!

Swearing he kicked the stupid wooden tool, almost breaking one of the pillars by accident. He had been here since the fucking morning- he had gotten into this stupid maneuver gear thing over a felt thousand times!

For what?!

Shoving his hands into his pants pockets he circled around the dreadful tool, almost like a shark that was waiting to attack its prey. Just going on circles while practically everyone around him just stared at him as if he were some kind of attraction.

"What?!" he barked, causing them to scram instantly.

He was so god damn annoyed. Continuing his circling walk he caught a glance of his face in a puddle on the ground.

Dirt was smeared all over it and if he weren´t such a hardheaded guy he might as well have a nosebleed already from all the stupid attempts.

Why didn´t that stupid shit just work?!

"Tch-" he brought the back of his hand to his face, trying to get off the dirt. If it weren´t for these shitty titans, and for them breaking the wall, he wouldn't even need to be here!

All because of these bastards. Just thinking about it made his blood boil already.

Wall Maria was safe- huh!

Wall Maria was always there- and therefore would never break- as if!

Just remembering all the bullshit they believed for so long made him get even more angry. But what angered him the most wasn´t even that-

"Oh my, aren´t you an energetic one~?" The blond stopped when a pair of shoes suddenly interrupted his narrowed vision, and he lifted his gaze to a horizontal leveled one.

Meeting a pair of eyes.

-they were red, something he hadn´t quite seen so far. That didn´t keep a deep frown from appearing on his forehead however.

The guy was fucking grinning at him. Looking at him just like those annoying people around him.

"Fuck off" he spat, taking the guy would run away right away, just like the others. Except he didn´t- he didn´t even step aside when the blond motioned to move on.

"Is there a reason you are destroying our equipment~?" he asked instead, the smirk not once dropping from this face. The blond´s eyes narrowed. That fucking prick was trying to make fun of him wasn´t he?

"You piss me off-" He didn´t know what the hell was funny about what he said, but the grin of the raven in front of him just grew even wider at that.

"Don´t tell me you can´t stay in the belt~?" the people around them were slowly but surely taking more and more of their distance. Pretty much everyone around them seemed to recognize Shizuo as someone dangerous and not to mess with.

Except this nuts guy.

_Calm down, calm down._

In the corner of his eyes he could spot his friend, already watching him worriedly.

He didn´t like violence. He could ignore that guy simply, yes.

The raven didn´t seem to like being ignore though and all of a sudden-

"Oi-" that fucking- "I´m talking to you." That annoying little shit just fucking poked his forehead-

Seeing some more veins pop on the man´s forehead the raven grinned amused.

He was about to poke the guy again, seriously he felt like he was teasing some sort of animal. He couldn´t wait to see him flip out- but decide to take a quick step back as a fist was aimed at his face. With a whooshing noise it passed right in front of his face, almost brushing the tip of his nose.

It didn´t cause him to drop the grin he was wearing for even one second though as he stepped back some more, his favorite flick blade finding its way into his hand.

"Whoah, that was a close one~" he cheered, pointing the blade at the guy.

His fists still clenched tightly the blond glared at the raven.

"You asshole, who the hell are you even?!" Izaya snorted in disbelief. This man- seriously- he didn´t know whether to admire how the man seemed to have managed to get through life without possessing even the slightest shred of information or whether he should pity him for being so god damn stupid and ignorant.

He had always thought there was a limit to how clueless a person could be but it seemed he was mistaken.

"Hey brute, just strength will get you killed out there, what do you plan to do if a 15m class approaches you, hm? Cut off their toes?" Izaya laughed, putting the flick blade back into his pocket, deciding that this guy wasn´t even a threat big enough to wield it.

"SO?!" the blond barked, obviously having lost the last bit of capacity to converse in a decent conversation. "Might as well kill them like that!"

Ahhaaa, now he was getting tired of this.

"What´s this. Are you stupid?" Strength with no brains, he didn´t need this sort of useless man.

Shizuo paused, the tune of the man had changed, from just fucking around with him to something so damn arrogant he wanted to shove a tree in his face.

"How useless," he sighed, just shaking his head as he used the maneuver gear to jump back onto the houses roof once more.

"The survey corps don´t need idiots like that. Go and return wherever you came from, brute." And with that he disappeared, jumping down the other side of the house.

Shizuo could still feel his blood boil and his teeth were gritting hard onto each other.

"That fucking-" he hated that guy, oh yes, that was sure. The moment he grinned so stupidly he already pissed him off. "I´m going to kill him." A soft sigh was heard next to him and his friend patted him on the shoulder.

"You should really calm down Shizuo." Calm down? The hell he was going to do when that annoying rat kept spouting bullshit.

"Who was that asshole even?" he asked his dreadlocked friend- who was still just rubbing his temples. He was used to try and calm his friend since forever, but it wasn´t getting any less frustrating.

"Captain Orihara Izaya. He is the leader of the survey corps." Tom answered his question, while wondering how he didn´t even know that. He knew all along that Shizuo never gave a shit about the wall, the guards, he titans, in his opinion all that had mattered to Shizuo was that he was strong enough to protect his brother.

He would have expected him to know at least some names.

"Arrogant little shit." The blond spat instead, strolling back over to the training tool.

"Well, he has reason to be I guess," Tom threw in, only to earn a doubtful glance.

"Because he is captain? Probably has a sweet life sending all those guys out doing the shitty job for him." The blond growled, already feeling pissed yet again. So he thought he was superior just because of some shitty tile, huh?

"He is actually going out with them each time you know. And also- He is the only one who survived every trip so far."

...

The blond turned around at that, looking as though he wanted the man to elaborate.

"Titans. Didn´t you wonder why everyone was scared of being admitted to the survey corps? One way or another everyone ends up dying in one of the trips one day. He didn´t, he always came back. Some people say he is humanity´s strongest soldier."

That only made the blond´s frown grow even deeper.

"So you are telling me he is some kind of big shot?"

"At least he has seen more people being killed by titans than we all together."

...

He still pissed him off though. The hell was he even acting like an asshole for?

Taking a deep breath he went to another one of these torturous devices. One that wasn´t damaged. The other people that had been here already scrammed by now, probably not wanting to be involved with a monster like him.

"You are gonna try again?" Tom asked, leaning against the pillar as the blond got into the odd equipment.

Useless, huh?

"I´m not giving up."

He was going to show that louse how useless he was!

**To be continued~**

**Well then, this was the first chapter of Shingeki no Shizuo x'DDD I do hope you will stay for more haha C': As you probably noticed I am replacing the original characters of Shingeki no Kyojin with the DRRR characters xDDD**

**I guess not sooo much happened yet but hey x’D I hope this was oki xD I suck with first chapters lmao**

**Well then~**

**See you on Monday the 6th March C:**


	2. ஜ Impossible ஜ

-๑-๑ ஜ ๑-*0*-๑ ஜ ๑-๑-

**-Izaya´s point of view. A few hours later.-**

This...

Was certainly amusing to watch.

The sun was setting on the training grounds dipping everything into a light shade of red and orange. Huge shadows casted by the wall Rose were starting to approach the colorful scene steadily as time passed.

Sitting on the roof, one hand propped up on his knee, the other lazily playing with his ring the raven watched a certain place that wasn´t as deserted as he had thought it would be. Curses were to be heard and a couple of dusty mushrooms decorated the scenery every now and then whenever the blond decided to kick, hit or throw the training equipment across the place.

Izaya had come back just an hour ago, after finishing all the boring paperwork he was just the tiniest bit curious if the guy from midday had already left. Before long he had spotted the raging bull he met in the afternoon.

It was honestly amusing to watch his useless attempts of handling the maneuver gear.

All alone on the training ground, still trying to get that balancing ability right.

He had expected the blond to give up and just head home. Especially considering what they were up against. He should have seen real titans face to face- especially considering the rumors. Just one encounter with the terrifying creatures was more than enough for most men to cover in fear and give up on their wishful dreams of becoming the heroes who saved humanity.

Maybe he didn't know fear?

It was one of the many thoughts that coursed through his mind as he watched the violent monster kick the dust again.

Or maybe he was just stupid? It wasn´t the first time he encountered humans that just didn´t seem to be able to grasp the actual seriousness of their situation. They treated the fight against the titan´s like some sort of game, but the seconds before they died they all wore the same stupefied expression.

What did they think? That they would be strong enough to escape a titan´s grip?

Talking about strength.

Where did that blond´s strength come from?

He surely wasn´t muscular or strong looking, he had seen people whose bodies had looked like they had ancestors of bears and even they weren´t this strong. It was annoying and fascinating him at the same time.

Almost seemed like a monster.

Humans shouldn´t be able to possess this much destructive power- and definitely not when they obviously had the temper of a four year old.

Well given his temper he should have given up by now- but he didn´t- which only ended up in making the raven even more curious about this strange man.

He couldn´t deny that he was catching more and more of his interest the longer he watched him.

How come he hadn´t heard of someone like him? Even if he lived inside wall Maria, if rumors of a man with this strength and affinity to destruction had caught the authorities' ears, that guy certainly wouldn´t even have lived there anymore when the wall finally broke.

His superiors would have taken him instantly into the military, trained him to be of use. They would have put him into the inner walls, alongside the king and aristocrats, for their protection of course. He could have had an easy life like this too.

But then again Izaya suspected they would have had to give up on him right away again.

Because what he was doing on that training ground was anything _but_ training-

The man´s forehead hitting the ground hard he could hear a curse slip from the blond´s lips as he pushed himself of the ground once more. As long as Izaya had been watching him, he had understood two things.

One, was his unbelievable strength of course.

And the other-

Again the blond crashed into the ground face first, this time pulling at the training equipment so harsh it finally broke down.

\- he had no talent whatsoever handling the maneuver gear.

Over and over he got into it, tried to stay in it, only to fall down. He hadn´t even managed to stay still for one second ever since Izaya started watching.

There was no sign of progress either.

... and yet he was still here.

Pretty stubborn.

Just like a child, the raven thought, a quiet snort escaping him as the blond greeted the earth again face first.

Persistency was usually a trait Izaya admired, but like this it was wasted. If he couldn´t handle the maneuver gear then he was useless.

Too bad he didn´t have an inhuman body fitting his strength.

From the way the blond´s forehead had started to bleed he concluded his body was just as sturdy as any other human´s.

So even if they sent him out against the titans, he was probably going to die by being squished in a titan´s hands or being stepped upon. Judging his temper he would probably rush into unnecessary fights too.

Sighing Izaya shook his head. The rumor of the strong man had already reached the higher ups, including the lieutenant.

Of course they were exhilarated at the show of strength.

He didn´t get why his superiors thought that man was a useful weapon. If anything he was probably a threat. Getting everyone in danger with his stupid behavior and unfitting strength.

And so he let himself slip off the roof he had been sitting on.

**-Shizuo´s point of view.-**

Stinging pain and a throbbing headache was annoying Shizuo as he sat there on the ground cross-legged.

One hand resting against his bleeding and burning forehead he glanced at the remains of the annoying training equipment he had... destroyed.

A soft sting of guilt struck him, knowing full well that he didn´t have any money to even try and compensate for it- but what was he supposed to do?

He didn´t get how to stay on this thing. Everyone, literally everyone of these guys he had seen in the afternoon did it. Some for just a few seconds, others for a time span that seemed sheer endless.

But all of them did it somehow. Just he seemed to be too fucking stupid.

Grasping the iron threads tightly he pulled himself up from the ground once more- there was no way he was going to give up like this. A vein popped on his forehead, he could already feel his patience snapping- but no, he had to stay calm. He would get better at this for sure! If he trained enough he could do it!

"How much longer are you going to keep at this?" Startled by the unexpected voice the blond let go of the iron threads. A vein popped on his forehead as he recognized the annoying voice.

If he hadn't already been pissed off, then he definitely would have gotten now, seeing that stupid smirk on that grinning face.

"The hell do you want from me?"

Hoh, how hostile. Izaya´s smirk grew only wider. To be honest staying inside the walls was boring. Everyone treated him way to predictable. His superiors would never mess up their attitude towards him and stay polite no matter what he said or implied, and the recruits and soldiers were either too stupid to even get mad over what he said or simply bit their anger back since he was their superior.

"I thought I told you, it's no use?" But this guy, with this kind of temper, it made the raven want to tease him.

"Fuck off," the brute didn´t even listen to him as he turned his back towards him heading for one more, still undamaged, training equipment.

The raven tilted his head with a soft hum.

Did he just not want to admit he was right or did he seriously believe he could get better at handling the maneuver gear through training?

Letting himself be quiet and just observe the scene for once the raven watched the man as he slipped into the gear. Izaya half expected to witness some kind of miracle now since the brute obviously didn´t mind that he was watching him.

But no, no miracle occurred.

Seeing as the blond´s forehead connected all too beautifully with the ground again Izaya guessed it was pretty much impossible for him to learn how to handle it.

Groaning the man brought a hand to his face, rubbing only more dirt on his by now bleeding forehead.

"Shizu-chan, what are you doing upside down again?" the raven asked, bending over the blond in an attempt of mockery.

Shizuo groaned, pushing himself off the dirty ground again as he glared at the guy- this freaking-

"It´s not my fault, this thing just won´t-" and then he blinked. "What the fuck did you call me?!" Izaya snorted at the obviously furious and unexpectedly honest surprised expression he showed.

"Oh, _Shizu-chan_ ~?" he purred, trying to say the new nickname he had just thought of just so much more annoying as he emphasized each syllable. "Well you see, since you play around like a _child_ I thought I might as well address you like one~"

Good thing Izaya had more than just average reflexes, because he definitely didn´t see the whole training equipment coming flying right towards him. Only barely- one step to the side and the thing flew past him with a whooshing sound.

Blinking he looked at the thing before drawing his attention back to the blond.

"Whoop, now that was close, wasn´t it~?"

"You fucking asshole-!" One step, two step, the blond had approached him, a fist was risen but it was nothing but a quick step Izaya had to take to evade the fist that aimed at him easily.

One after the other Shizu-chan tried to hit him, but with no result as the raven evaded each of the overly aimless swings.

The blond was clumsy, fighting almost like a child, the way he tried to punch him just wasted way too much energy and speed- and yet it was thrilling, because each time the fist whooshed past his ears he could just feel that amount of pressure and power behind them.

He knew that if Shizu-chan actually managed to hit him it would be pretty nasty.

"I´m curious Shizu-chan, how come you are so strong?" Pure rage was decorating the blond´s expression and at the nonchalant question and Izaya noted he was getting even more pissed.

"I said stop calling me that!" Again the fist was aimed at Izaya, but this time he wasn´t just going to evade- twisting his body it passed past his face-

A soft blink and expression of realization crossed the monster´s face as Izaya grabbed the still stretched arm and pulled just a bit at it- causing the blond to ultimately lose his balance and-

_***thud*** _

Blocking the sun in the sky Izaya´s face reappeared over Shizuo´s who was now laying on the ground- that grin still spread across his face.

"Ah, Shizu-chan, do you expect to get me with that kind of simple movements?"

He was so going to fucking murder that guy-

"YOU-" Izaya chuckled as he stepped away from the brute who was pushing himself up from the floor. He almost wished he had a red piece of clothing at hand. Just pulling out something like that would probably have the same effect on the brute like on a raging bull.

Turning around, however, the blond didn´t head for him, but for one of the equipment instead.

"Ahh, are you going to destroy more of our equipment now?" Izaya called, only making the blond pause in his steps as though he had guessed his intention right.

The raven shook his head with a sigh, as fun as this was-

"I don´t know what you think you are doing here, but if you keep destroying everything like a monster I will throw you over the wall to your kind~" he had a sort of responsibility, and having someone as destructive as the blond around here was only going to affect his humans negatively.

Oddly though the blond actually seemed as if he had listened when he stopped in his steps. Hoh, did he actually care about the destruction he caused?

"Just stop trying already and go home," Izaya sighed, putting his hands into his pants pockets as he leaned against the broken equipment. Only half of it was even standing straight anymore. "You can't learn this by practice-"

"Can´t stop trying." The raven blinked, a bit amazing by how calm the blond had said that. Just a second ago he had been raging and trying to hit him so the words caught him off guard.

"Oh, but you can," he continued, deciding he wanted to see what the blond looked like right now as he was only seeing his back and faced him, "It´s easy, just resign from the recruits."

The blond seemed surprisingly serious all of a sudden, Izaya might even go as far as to say he looked like he was in thoughts, not that he would dare to think the blond had actually a brain to use.

"I said I can´t you lousy flea," he finally said with a sigh, ignoring the raven as though as if he weren´t there and just went past him, to another one of the still undamaged training equipments.

The raven blinked- " _Flea_?"

The blond frowned as he got into the gear again, trying to attach it right.

"You are just as annoying as one." Well Izaya certainly had been called many things before, but a nickname as creative as flea hadn´t been among them.

"I did think you were quite a brute, but Shizu-chan, so you have fleas as well?" With a huge sigh the blond rubbed his temples.

This guy-

Why was he even annoying him? He seriously wanted to punch his fucking face in and just get him to leave, but seeing how well that had worked before he tried to refrain from doing that again.

"Shut up or I will kill you," he mumbled instead, only earning something that sounded like a stifled laugh.

"Woah, what a threat, I´m so scared~" In his mind Shizuo was already strangling the annoying guy, throwing him through a house, shoving him into a wall, punch his face-

"Anyway, back to topic," the raven said suddenly, clapping his hands together as if he were trying to be serious. "So why can´t you just live a peaceful life within the walls?"

Tch-

Couldn´t he just leave him alone?!

"That´s none of your fucking business," he barked, feeling as though this guy was going to get him to flip out.

"Ah and that´s where you´re wrong Shizu-chan, " Izaya explained, "since it´s literally my job to protect humanity, I can´t let someone as destructive and stupid as you run around freely, causing damage to everything he touches~" Causing destruction to everything he touched, huh?

He already knew this sort of thing. He knew what a monster he was, but right now- he had no other choice. He had to master this stupid gear and get into the corps or else...

...

He couldn´t give up.

"Are you done?" the blond asked through gritted teeth making Izaya just all the more curious about him. He had expected him to lash out, but no- it almost seemed like Shizu-chan was making it a game to respond with unpredictability to everything he said and did.

"Not quite~" Izaya chirped, but this time Shizu-chan just seemed to be making a point of ignoring him entirely.

"Ne, how long do you intend to keep on trying, Shizu-chan?" he asked, provocative, using the nickname again on purpose to tick the guy off, except this time it didn´t seem to work.

"Until I get it right."

Hmmm.

What made the man calm down all of a sudden and converse on a civilized level?

"Which will never happen~!"

"Don´t you have something better to do? Annoying someone else?"

...

Izaya didn´t know what it was but all of a sudden he found himself thinking that the blond seemed frustrated, not in a sense of being annoyed because of the useless attempts of mastering the gear, no, it seemed more like he was getting frustrated in a sense of dread.

"Not really."

He seemed overly calm too, especially in handling the gear. For a moment Izaya just watched the guy as he tried to stay in the belt, falling down twice right no his face, but he didn´t even frown about it.

"I´m curious", he mumbled, voicing his thoughts, "What is it you are doing this for?" Again the blond fell down, but didn´t answer his question.

"Want to get famous?" Izaya offered as one of the many possible reasons he could have, but the blond didn't seem to be affected by his response at all.

"Maybe you just like killing?" Quite the bold suggestion, and Izaya did know some guys that just joined to corps for this particular reason, he had a feeling it wasn´t what Shizu-chan was aiming for though.

"Or you want to see what´s beyond those walls?" Curiosity was humanities greatest weakness after all. But the blond didn´t even bat an eyelid.

"Maybe someone close to you got killed and you want revenge?" At that the blond´s eyebrow twitched and he rose his head to glare at the raven.

"Can you shut the hell up?"

Hoh-

"The revenge it is." He must have hit something there if the blond reacted to it like that.

"Is not," the blond grumbled, but Izaya just smirked feeling victorious.

"You know revenge is useless though?" he chirped, annoying the blond just so much more.

"No one asked for your fucking opinion." Didn´t mean he couldn´t give it.

"So how long do you really intend to do this for?"

"Until I get it right!"

Pfft, what a vague answer.

"Forever hm, aren´t you wasting precious time? Time you could use to get a normal job?"

"You are talking to me since like half an hour ago, now who is wasting time." That made the raven pause and blink for a second.

Heh- the blond wasn´t as dumb as he thought.

At first glance the blond had seemed as though he was just all muscles and no brain. Interestingly he didn´t have that many muscles, nor did he appear to be extraordinarily stupid.

Not to mention that he had pointed something out that Izaya was wondering about himself, he would almost go as far as to say the blond seemed to perceptive in a sense. He should have been done messing with him long ago but somehow he found himself enjoying the company of this man way too much.

His rawness, the way he didn´t seem to spend even a second thinking about just where they were, what positions they were in, how they might be getting killed by titans if wall Rose broke down as well, was awfully refreshing.

He was like a child and yet he wasn´t.

"So you are not doing this for revenge?" Izaya asked once more, thinking that the blond wouldn´t be wasting time with something as petty as that. Maybe he was seeing him smarter than he was but he decided to go with the flow for once.

No more teaseling.

"Told you that´s not it," the blond mumbled, pausing in his useless training as he wiped some dirt off his forehead.

"Then what for?" Izaya inquired and Shizuo swore the guy would drive him insane by the end of the day.

"Not telling me, hm?" Izaya mumbled as he received nothing but a glare. "What about the rumor, is it true?"

For a second the blond paused, and jus looked at the flea.

"What rumor?" Just the word itself made his blood run cold ever since he was a kid.

Delighted that he was finally getting paid some proper attention the raven elaborated.

"People say you killed a titan with a tree~!"

...

Oh.

... so there were rumors about that time. He should have expected it.

"Yeah," he mumbled, remembering that moment way too well. His stomach dropped just at the sole mentioning of it.

"Yeah? That´s all you say?" Izaya blinked a bit confused, "Usually people would be bragging by now, except what they said is a lie-"

"Are you done annoying me now?"

... he wasn´t even trying to defend himself? Did he really care so little about what he managed to do? Killing a titan was already a glorious deed as it was, people were sure to admire or look up to him and yet he seemed as though he hated the fact he did.

"You are bleeding on your head you know," Izaya noted, his eyes following a small trail of blood that was starting to drip from his head. Hitting his head so often it was no wonder he guessed.

But the blond didn´t seem as if he cared even in the slightest, almost the opposite, he brought up the back of his hand to wipe the blood away and just frowned as though he was getting annoying it was bleeding.

"Doesn´t it hurt?" the raven asked, not able to make sense of the brute.

"I´m not stopping because of a little headache."

...

He was deliberately enduring pain.

That was something Izaya didn´t understand. It was one thing to be stubborn, tenacious or maybe just childish- but it was a whole other thing to start getting hurt and still not stop.

It proved a certain level of desperation.

When would someone endure pain? If they did it for some kind of purpose.

And what kind of purpose? It couldn´t be self defense, since training here was literal the wrong thing to do then.

Thinking about it, it was the same with the titan.

He killed one. He didn´t run away, no he killed it. The only option Izaya could think of to actually kill a titan instead of just running away was when he had no other choice to. To protect himself for example.

But if he was just scared and trying to survive, joining the survey corps was pretty much the dumbest decision.

He didn´t think Shizu-chan was that stupid.

So why else did he have to kill the titan?

And then it was all of a sudden as if something had clicked in his head.

"You are doing this _for_ someone, aren´t you?" it was as though he hit the nail on the head as Shizu-chan turned his head to look at the raven with an expression that spelled more than a thousand words.

Almost immediately his brows furrowed to a frown again and he glared at the raven.

"This is none of your business, just leave me alone already."

Of all the things that the annoying flea had said- tch. Did he enjoy this?

He sure was staring at him as if he were some sort of attraction.

It was when he caught the sound of footsteps that he looked up again. He met the raven's eyes closer than he thought- the flea had approached him, arms crossed and just pointed at the gear.

"What?" the blond asked, wondering what the hell he was going to annoy him with now.

"You need to lean back more if you want to get anywhere."

...

"Huh?" Confused the blond blinked, not getting at first what the flea was talking about now.

"You keep falling forward on your nose, but I haven´t seen you fall backwards yet. You are leaning too much into it," the raven explained, the teasing tune in his voice and the annoying smile in his face had disappeared and the blond was left to stare in both surprise and doubt.

Was he seriously trying to help him now?

"Come on, try falling backwards and then let´s see how bad you really are." The flea said, stepping just a step back to give the blond the room he needed.

Wondering still if the raven was just trying to mess with him the blond pulled at the iron threads. Leaning back more he meant, hm?

He tried to stay still, lean back, the gear wobbled again just like all the other times, just this time Shizuo tried to lean back instead of falling forward.

And just for a the tiniest fraction of a second he felt like he grasped some sort of balance-

However, it really was just a split second before he felt himself losing the balance and fall backward, right onto his head.

A stinging pain shot through his skull and he groaned.

"What the hell flea I still fell down!" he complained, feeling as though the raven had just messed with him, but strange enough he wasn´t laughing.

"Shizu-chan, there are abilities one can obtain and then there are skills that just have to be there." He said instead, his arms still crossed and a sigh escaped his lips.

For a second Shizuo felt as though the raven was disappointed he didn´t manage to do it this time.

"Wreck yourself, destroy the training ground, I don´t care," he shrugged and turned around, a frown decorating his face, "but it´s a fact that if you can´t stay in the gear tomorrow you will be kicked out."

And with that he just walked away, leaving Shizuo to lay there on the ground confused.

Well he was glad the raven finally left, so he could have some peace, and yet-

What the hell was that even about?

**To be continued~**

***PANTS***

**SO MUCH TO WRITE**

**xDDDDDDDD**

**Just in case you didn´t notice, this chapter was 4492 words long xDDD There you go Rage0fPhoenix lmao xD Actually I didn´t intend to actually make it longer but then I couldn´t just cut off the conversation in the middle and I was like- ... fuck it xDDDDD**

**Now- I know not much actually "happened" but ahh I have to start this slowly xDD**

**Hope you won´t kill me for it C': But I promise this is gonna be heart tugging and sweet soon~! xDD**

**Now, now, that´s it for this weeks xD Sorry I´m a day late btw C':**

**See you in 13 days x'DDDD**

 


	3. ஜ Chapter 3: Welcome to the club ஜ

-๑-๑ ஜ ๑-*0*-๑ ஜ ๑-๑-

**-Izaya´s point of view. Early morning-**

"Spending time with the recruiters? What a rare sight."

Should he have expected the man to find out about his doings right away? Maybe. Was he prepared for a confrontation? Of course.

"It´s not going to become a habit Shiki-san." This wasn´t the first time the lieutenant checked up on him on random occasions.

Well maybe not too random.

"Heard your entire squad was wiped out on the trip." Ahh, that was probably the main reason he was even here. Leaving the walls for just a day and returning with nothing but chopped off heads, well it certainly didn´t leave the best image.

Seeing how the man eyed him from head to toe he knew he was just waiting for him to make a mistake. Checking up on his sanity, was that it?

"Couldn´t be helped, we were surrounded by them. One of the newbies thought he could take them on all at once- and one thing lead to the other," he elaborated, knowing very well that he couldn´t prove what he was telling, but neither was there any evidence that anything different took place.

"And yet you _miraculously_ survived again." A heavy glance was directed at him- it reminded him a bit of the glare he had received on the battle field.

Had he been able to save some of the members? Maybe.

Was he willing to risk his life for them? Definitely not. Indeed there probably was a reason he was the only one coming out alive after so many missions- apart from his skills of course. He simply wasn´t willing to risk his safety for idiots.

Twisting one of his silver rings around his finger he leaned against the wall. They were in the corridor leading to the survey corps´ empty dorm. For now he was the only one living in it until they chose new members from tomorrow´s examination.

"Are you trying to imply something?" he asked boldly, coming straight to the point. Shiki had come alone to his surprise, with none of his usual bodyguards around. His usual professional smile decorated his expression as he lit one of his expensive cigarettes.

"Oh by no means," he stated, blowing some of the cancer smoke into the air. Cringing the raven held his breath as they cloud passed by. Smoking was such a disgusting habit. "I heard you spent your day at the training field," the man went on, "What brings the sudden interest in the recruiters?"

"I was just bored Shiki-san," the raven shrugged, but didn´t seem to convince the older man.

"For half a day?" Sharp.

"Whether he is worth it or not, I guess we will see today." Though Izaya doubted there would be any kind of change. Even if they brute trained all night long, he only saw little room for growth.

" _He_. So there is someone to look forward to." Seeing the sun gleam over the wall, finally touching the inside of this prison the raven hummed appreciating the man´s intelligence.

"It´s not the kind of savior you would like to present to your uppers, however, Shiki-san."

"So what would you describe him as?"

Describe?

That clumsy protozoan? Childish was the first adjective that popped up in his mind, angry the second and surprisingly smart as a third, not that the man had anything intelligent about him, and yet he had a feeling there was more to the beast than his pure raw strength.

Yeah, the strength was probably the most prominent feature about him, tearing trees out of the ground- a smirk drew across his lips. There was one word he could really describe him with.

"A _monster_ , perhaps."

**-Shizuo´s point of view. On the training field.-**

_Shit._

Letting his palm glide along his forehead he felt the familiar burn of an open wound.

He hadn´t progressed even in the slightest.

He had been staying on the training ground the whole night. Even after they turned the lights out he had had not even the slightest intention to go back- and what for?

Slowly but surely everyone was gathering on the training ground.

Today was the day they would determine who was going to fight titans and who not- One after the other they built an even row- everyone anxiously waiting for the trainer.

"Shizuo, did you even go to bed?" turning his head he glanced at Tom who had taken his stance next to him.

"No. Was busy."

All night long, to be precise. Again and again he had tried to get this shit right, to try and just stay in that belt like everyone else seemed to be able to- he even listened to the flea´s stupid advice. Tried to stay in the belt leaning backwards more, but it only ended up in him crashing faster and faster.

And now the only thing he gained from the night was a bloody cut on his forehead.

His best friend was throwing him a worried glance, obviously disapproving of his doing.

"You should really take better care of yourself, your brother would-"

Tch-

"My brother isn´t here." he didn´t let him finish his sentence.

Silence hovered over the two for a moment and even though he knew he shouldn´t be taking his frustration out on Tom he couldn´t help it either.

Nervous and anxious the people around them kept chattering about how today was the last day- what they would choose, which group they wanted to get into. Shizuo was sick of hearing it. Every single one was here for the same reasons. Either it was the urge to want to fight and take revenge, or the wish to be taken into the military police brigade that got to live inside Wall Sheena.

Just to run away. It pissed Shizuo off to no ends. These guys didn´t know what it meant to face those shitty assholes. They didn´t know what it meant to see people die.

"Sorry." The word snapped him out of his thoughts. It was Tom who said it- making him feel guilty on top of everything. Sighing the blond ruffled through his hair.

"No, I´m sorry, shouldn´t have lashed out on you," but as usual his friend didn´t accept any apology from him.

"It´s okay. It´s just a lot of pressure on you there."

"Heiwajima Shizuo?" Blood freezing instantly the blond swallowed, facing the man that was going to examine his skills.

His mouth going dry he walked up to the training equipment. Belts were attached and straps put in the right place as they hooked him onto the devilish device

The blond felt light headed. If he didn´t do this correctly now then they would just send him home again. He couldn´t be sent home- what about Kasuka? He had to get into the survey corps no matter what-

Feeling lightheaded he let go of the metal strings as the guys pulled him up.

He had to do this.

The trainer looked at him, hands crossed behind his back, a young boy was following him, carrying a list in his arms.

"Okay, go."

And he got pulled up-

Losing the ground bellow his feet the blond tried to stay even-

Tried to hold his balance, to just-

To just-

It wobbled, it-

_Shit-!_

_***thump*** _

With a harsh sound his forehead connected with the ground and the few seconds were over in the blink of an eye.

Silence washed over him as he realized what he had just done.

"Failed." The word left the man´s mouth so easily and yet it felt as though someone had just stabbed his ears.

"No, no wait, let me do it one more time please!" the blond pleaded, blood dripping from his forehead as he had torn the damaged skin open again. He got to his feet, stepped back again.

It couldn't be over already, not like this, he could do it!

"There is only one turn for each, next please." The man heartlessly said, voice as stoic as a stone´s.

"Just one more time!"

A soft breeze was blowing across the wall that day. The sun was shining bright even though it was already fall- it pleased Izaya to a certain degree.

A shadow loomed over the raven, making the man glance over his shoulder.

He was sitting on the recruiters canine roof. His eyes locked on the scene before him- the examination that is.

With a sigh he ruffled through his own hair.

It was obvious that things were going to come out this way. Even if the monster managed to control the gear a little they wouldn´t have let him pass- there was just a certain amount of control over the maneuver gear needed to actually be able and fight against titans while using it.

"Hmm, was that the fellow you talked about? Doesn´t strike me as surprisingly gifted." Shiki was standing next to him, spreading some of his stinking nicotine as another breeze blew across the roof.

The raven couldn´t help but smirk at the remark.

"Coming from your subjective view, this is no surprise." He knew about the man, knew what he had been through in life, and Izaya was smart enough to know that there were things his superior had no clue about.

"Careful Orihara, you make it sound like you are trying to hide something from me." Flashing the man one of his usual smiles the raven rose to his feet.

"Am I?" And hopped down the roof-

...

_Failed_ \- the word repeated over and over in Shizuo´s head-

This was it. His promise to Kasuka, to mum, and dad- what did he have this strength for when he couldn't use it for anything?! Not even for this?!

"No, wait, I can do it-!" Everyone on the training ground was watching him, including the man that examined him- but his gaze was hard as steel- There was not even the slightest hint of sympathy in them.

Cold and raw his voice spoke, arms crossed behind his back.

"Get this man out of my sight."

Shizuo felt as though someone had punched him in the stomach.

No- no, no, no.

Shit- he fucked up. He fucked up big time.

He fucked up, he was too stupid to do this right and now, Kasuka would-

He felt like throwing up. A ringing sound filled his ears- and suddenly there was someone approaching him. He could see a familiar pair of rings being played with, but couldn´t care enough to bring himself to look up.

Until the man spoke that is.

"2 seconds? Really, I expected more than that Shizu-chan." Recognizing the voice a soft frown crossed the blond´s expression and he glanced at the raven´s face.

He should be pissed off and annoyed, he just used that stupid nickname he gave him again as well, and yet he couldn´t get mad with the knowledge of what he had just done hovering over him like a blanket of steel.

"Captain Orihara," the man quickly greeted the raven with respect, unlocking his crossed arms and taking in the usual fist against heart position.

But the raven didn´t even do as much as glance at the man, no his stare was fixated on the blond in front of him. Taking one of his rings off, and looking through the orbit at the blond he hummed.

"Say Shizu-chan, are you prepared to die?" The frown only growing deeper and deeper Shizuo watched the man play around with his ring. He was obviously just trying to mock him again. And this time it really pissed him off.

That fucking asshole had no idea what this meant to him.

"What the hell do you want, louse?" he barked, not giving the slightest fuck about how he might get in trouble for openly insulting that bastard captain. The trainer seemed about to scold him for his rudeness, but the raven interrupted him before he could even start to speak.

"Fighting against titans, Shizu-chan. I´m asking if you are willing to risk your life outside the walls."

Tch- this guy was pissing him off to no ends-!

"Why the hell do you think I´m here for in the first place?!" Did he do this on purpose? Was he fucking enjoying this? What the hell did he even do to make that shithead follow him freaking everywhere?!

Letting his eyes travel over the blond the raven nodded to himself as if he had given some sort of right answer. Maybe even just one he had already expected.

Shizuo was just about ready to attack that dickhead and punch him in the face-

He wanted to let all his rage out on that stupid, shitty, annoying-

"He is joining the survey corps."

... wait what?

A row of whispers followed from the other recruiters as they looked at the raven as though they were thinking he was crazy. Even the trainer was looking astonished, not to mention Shizuo.

"Captain, with all due respect, he couldn´t stay in the gear, taking him would be-"

"Suicide?" Izaya threw in the obvious end of the question, making the trainer swallow his words. "You mean to say he will get eaten by titans, yes?" he elaborated, "Torn apart, swallowed down, stepped upon, caught and twisted apart- his guts sprawling everywhere on the ground like confetti, and so on?" Cringing just slightly at the nonchalant way the raven described the usual fate of survey corps members the old man swallowed.

"Maybe you are right," the raven nodded to himself as if to agree on what he said and put his rings back in place. "but trainer-san, if he dies it´s just one mouth less to feed in our crowded walls, don´t you agree?"

A brief moment of silence followed the raven´s rhetorical question giving the man room to complain or add any valuable arguments, but as his mouth opened and closed similar to a carps without a single word leaving it, the raven merely continued.

"Moreover, he has already killed a titan once. With nothing less than a tree. No equipment, no gear. Seeing as the use of gears is limited to the amount of gas we have isn´t it quite the foolish option to discard someone who doesn´t need supplies to defend himself? I wish to take him in my team as a special kind of asset. Whether or not he gets killed will be my responsibility." The trainer lowered his head, regaining his initial position with his fist at his heart as he bowed.

"Understood." The raven´s string of arguments, not to mention his status already had shown the man that it was futile to try and speak up about the matter in the first place.

"Well then, I believe everything has been said. If you would excuse me now," and with that the raven turned around- just like that.

And the blond ... could just stand there, trying to get what just happened.

He... was accepted? What just-

"Oi flea-!" Sheathing himself out of the restricting gear he struggled to hurry after the already advancing raven.

Not stopping upon the call the raven kept walking, waiting until he could hear footsteps catch up to him.

"Again with that nickname? I really do have something against being compared to such an ugly insect."

"Why did you do that?" Slowing down just slightly the raven let the question run through his mind- why hm- Indeed. It was a good question. One whose answer he didn´t like himself.

"Glaring at me like that did you not want to get into the survey corps?" he smirked and stopped, turning his head to grin at the blond man.

Shizuo stopped in his steps, he had been about to complain how the flea was wrong, but he couldn't help but notice that his expression of confusion and somewhat irritation must look sort of angry.

Glare softening up a bit he cleared his throat. He didn´t like this louse, but that didn´t change the fact that he just saved his sorry ass.

"No, that- it is, but why all of a sudden? You saw I can´t stay in the gear. And letting me fight on the ground is bullshit, you-" ... the blond swallowed down his pride, "were _right_ yesterday, if the titan is a 50 meter class there is no way I could be able to reach it." It took quite the effort to admit he had been wrong to this guy.

The raven merely chuckled, clapping his hands slowly as if to praise him.

"You are smarter than I thought Shizu-chan, that´s right I don´t think you can be of any use either."

Confused the blond looked at the raven.

"Huh...? Then... why?" But Izaya wasn´t even going to spend more time dwelling on a topic he had already decided he didn´t want to talk about.

"I will see you in front of the survey corps´ dorm today afternoon." And with that the raven turned around- surprised the blond took a step back when the raven used his gear to quickly ly up the roof and-

Gone.

Just like that.

That guy- Shizuo frowned, not sure what he was supposed to think of him.

He pissed him off for some reason. What did he do that for?

Not that he didn´t appreciate it, but really why?

Why did he help him?

-๑-๑ ஜ ๑-*0*-๑ ஜ ๑-๑-

**To be continued~ C:**

**Whelp I´m late xD I´m a sluggggg people, that's why I´m always so slow lmao xDDD**

**Anyway~!**

**I bet you noticed my new profile pic C: truth to be told I recorded myself drawing it and created a speed drawing eheheh xD**

**Lmao my internet is s shitty it took 3 days to upload x'D I´m not even kidding it were really three days xD**

**Anyway, just google this on youtube:**

**Shizaya speeddrawing "Sinful Desire" Chap. 3**

**Or try this link-  
**

**<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSBou6zaMGQ> **

**See you all of 15th Saturday~! xD Yes, I changed my schedule to Saturday C':**

 


	4. ஜ Family business ஜ

-๑-๑ ஜ ๑-*0*-๑ ஜ ๑-๑-

**-Izaya´s point of view.-**

It was odd. Helping someone- that guy, and why? Because of a feeling in his guts?

Izaya wasn´t sure whether relying on his instincts was something he should be proud of, since they were never that wrong, or ashamed because he refused to listen to reason. Logically speaking what Shizu-chan had said was true, and more so what Shiki-san had said.

Taking that guy was just as foolish as leaving wall Maria without any weapon.

And yet he couldn´t even bring himself to think he had made the wrong decision. Was he losing his edge? Becoming soft? Maybe, he didn´t know, fact was that he just got himself into quite the trouble.

Accepting a guy into the survey corps that couldn´t even run away from the titans- he was his problem now and considering how his superiors were already thinking he was offing off recruiters on their missions it certainly wouldn´t better their image of him.

He had never killed a person, but he couldn´t blame them for suspecting it when he was almost always the only one to return miraculously.

Stepping through the heavy wooden doors the raven entered a hall. It was fairly well lit and a couple other people were sitting behind desks, busily working on some pieces of paper. Approaching one of them a woman with brown long hair glared at him the second she spotted him.

"What do you want Izaya?" she asked annoyed, shoving a pile of papers into their destination a tad too rough for Izaya's taste, not that they were his.

"Why so angry Namie- _san_ , you got promoted, didn´t you?" The raven cooed with a grin on his face as he reached the desk. Shoving his hands into his coat´s pockets he let himself sit down on a chair in front of the woman´s desk, crossing his legs.

"You think I don´t know it was you who was behind this?" the woman hissed, quite a like a snake would the raven supposed. He wondered, if Namie were a snake, would she be a poisonous one or rather one that pretended to be poisonous but wasn´t in reality? Coral snakes had that kind of impostors in their rows hadn´t they?

"And why would I do that?" The raven chirped happily- thinking about it if anything then he himself was probably an impostor among his fellow lieutenants.

"To get better information obviously," the woman snarled, finally putting whatever she was working on away to look at him properly.

"You know most people would be grateful, maybe even thanking me for something like this, but okay you are welcome~" the raven pointed out, adding a shrug to his word that only seemed to piss the woman off even more

"Skip the small talk, what do you want?"

"Heiwajima Shizuo," the raven answered promptly, faster than the secretary had expected obviously as she skipped through a folder next to her desk.

"Found another victim for your shitty games?" she questioned while looking up the name in her files.

"Maybe, maybe not," the raven grinned, showing her one of the ambiguous smiles she hated so much.

Stopping at a certain page the woman placed the folder onto her desk, the glaring picture of a certain blond caught Izaya's sight.

"So what do you want to know about him?" Namie asked, reading through the information she got on the man.

"His family register. Mother, father, siblings, possible children, wife and so on." Raising an eyebrow the woman went through the relatives list, didn´t bother to look at the raven himself though.

"Blackmailing again? Not that I care." she mumbled, couldn´t have sounded any more disinterested though. No wonder. If the woman cared about anyone then it was herself and her brother, apart from that everyone else could just go die. That´s just the kind of woman she had always been- not inconvenient he supposed.

"Talking about it, how is Seiji doing~?" the raven question, feeling bored as she was taking too long to his taste.

"I have to disappoint you, there isn't much data on Heiwajima Shizuo."

"Ignoring me?"

"He had no wife, nor kids. His parents died ages ago." Apparently she was. Leaning back in his chair the raven categorized the data he had been given. So no love interest- or at least no official one, well wouldn´t surprise him if that guy was still a virgin, considering his temper and strength.

He bet he had snapped some people in half before by accident.

Parents died ages ago, hm? That meant he had a pretty lonely childhood didn´t it? All alone in the wall, Izaya was surprised he survived considering how children weren´t treated too kindly by hungry old people. He doubted anyone took them in or shared what they had with them.

A home, food, safety- then again it was Shizu-chan he was thinking about, with his strength and level of temper he might as well have scared some people out of their own house and lived there.

"Okay, go on," the raven hummed, getting more and more interested by the second, he wondered what kind of life a man like Shizu-chan had lead so far.

"It seems his younger brother, Heiwajima Kasuka, is the only one left of his family."

Oh?

"He has a brother?" What a surprise. That gave the whole story another big twist. What would his brother be like? The younger one even- maybe he possessed the same strength? Or maybe he was even more of a monster? Perhaps he wasn´t as short tempered as the brute- there was no way two personalities like this wouldn´t have clashed in a deadly fight at least once while they grew up.

Nodding to himself the raven noted that the guy had to be fairly calm.

"That´s strange." Raising his glance to Namie he rose an eyebrow questioningly.

"What is?"

Pulling out another list from a second folder she let her eyes scan over them.

"I wanted to check where they live, since that´s obviously what you want to know next," the woman said, earning an appreciated nod from the raven.

"You know me too well, and?"

"Well, according to the inhabitants list," the woman mumbled, comparing the two pieces of paper, "only Heiwajima Shizuo exists. Must be some sort of error."

A brother that was in the family register but not in the inhabitants? That was certainly strange. Except-

"Maybe he died recently?" Izaya voiced, knowing it was the only possible conclusion. Especially considering where the man came from.

Wall Maria. He hadn´t forgotten that. Titans having invaded the entire area it was highly likely that Shizu-chan´s brother found his death during the invasion.

"That´s probably it. They didn´t get to update the information yet I guess. No wonder with all these _new_ deaths incoming." Namie pointed out, making it a point to look at Izaya with a half assed glare while saying the words.

"Oh, from my trip?" the raven question, concluding that she was talking about his report of all the people that died again. Wasn´t like it was his fault.

"Stop grinning you sick bastard." He wasn´t even but what did it matter.

Getting up from his chair the raven waved at the woman as he walked away.

"Yeah, yeah, thanks for the info." There were more interesting things to think about at the moment.

So his brother died. What a shame, the blond monster was all alone then wasn´t he? It sure would have been fun to use him as one of his pawns. A threat here, a reward there, a monster with this kind of strength would have been perfect to use.

But with no blood related relatives left anymore, who was he kidding? That man didn´t seem like he was going to act according to anyone´s wishes if he wasn´t being forced to.

So who was he fighting against titan´s for? What reason could he possibly have? A friend? He didn´t strike him as a person that would even bother to get close to anyone. Then again this brute had surprised him since the second he first laid eyes upon him.

Wandering around the city the raven let the sun shine on his face. The people around him were pausing in their steps at times. Some of them were obviously staring at him, others were hiding whispering to others, and more of them were sending him a glare.

He knew his reputation here were well enough.

The kids and some of the teenagers and young adults viewed him as the prodigy he was, always surviving, having killed more titans than anyone had ever seen- and then there were the older ones. Reaching from age thirty till they looked like they better reserved a coffin soon.

They called him a death reaper. Going on a mission with him was suicide they said. He couldn´t blame them- to these people he was the messenger that would tell them that their sons died. Their daughters, their husbands and wifes.

No matter where he was, outside the walls or inside, he always had to be cautious. There was no saying when one of them would flip out, have a momentarily slip of sanity and start attacking him out of nowhere. Wouldn´t be the first time and definitely not the last.

It was when he glanced at two men in a small alley that he paused in his steps, something entirely else having caught his attention.

A blond mob of hair was tip toeing his way through his humans, wandering towards the hospital.

It took a second glance, being taken from the top of a box, for Izaya to actually note that it was Shizu-chan. Was he on his way to get his forehead fixed?

Definitely wouldn´t be the worst move he guessed. Maybe they could get his temper fixed as well, but then again that was highly doubtful.

Getting down from the wooden object the raven merged with the crowd of humans, and with cautious steps followed the blond.

He didn´t really know what he was expecting- just the fact that he was following that man seemed hilarious and he begged the guy wouldn´t notice him. Then again, when had anyone ever noticed him lurking in shadows?

But- like this, walking to the hospital, maybe he would find something out about this ridiculous strength of his. Maybe he was an experiment of the doctors? A human that got titan blood injected to strengthen him or something like that?

It sounded fairly unrealistic, but hey, Shizu-chan´s strength was something he couldn´t explain nor reason with it wasn´t that farfetched either. And knowing just who was in charge of examining these gross creatures he wouldn´t put it beyond the crazy guy to actually try this sort of thing. Just the aspect of Shinra setting eyes upon the blond´s strength would set him into his crazy doctor mode.

Doors swinging shut behind his newest interest the raven stopped for a moment.

Taking his rings off and on the raven counted to 30 in his mind. If he showed up in the hospital right after the blond he might just risk running into him without getting any information.

Twisting and glancing the raven hummed in time with his counting.

Twist, twist, 25.

Twist, twist 26.

Twist, twist 27.

Deeming the waiting time had been long enough the raven took up his steps again and stepped into the building.

White in white humans were running around in their fashionable doctor suits, talking, yelling, treating patients and saving or not saving lives.

Letting his eyes travel around the scene the raven noted that the blond had already left to wherever. He approached the counter, a small girl busily handling some pieces of paper as she scribbled something down on them.

"What did the blond man that just came want?" not being bothered to even look at the man, the girl keep sorting her documents.

"I´m sorry I can´t just-" but then she did decide to glance up and stopped halfway. "Oh, captain Orihara!" Sometimes it came in handy to be of a higher rank than all the other humans.

Call it handy, call it devious, Izaya had been visiting the hospital more than once to gather information, "check up" on recruiters that survived but got gravely injured- to put it simple, he was known well enough around here to have permission for pretty much anything.

"So what about the blond guy?" he repeated impatient. Quickly glancing at a piece of paper next to her the girl looked at what seemed to be an attendance list.

"He was Heiwajima Shizuo-san, came for a weekly visit," she informed quickly, flashing him a smile that seemed to spell out how much she had the hots for him.

Well not that Izaya minded, that sort of thing could only come in handy as well.

A visit though? Weekly even?

"Name of the patient?" The man asked, wondering if maybe this was the friend he had been assuming the blond was joining the survey corps for.

The name however made him throw that theory out of the window.

"Hanejima Kasuka."

Kasuka? And that last name-

"Hanejima? Not Heiwajima?" he asked again, figuring that the girl must have read the name wrong, but no, looking at it again she shook her head.

"Uh, no sir, Hanejima is the name."

...

Coincidence? Izaya didn´t think so. The guy that was in this hospital, it was Shizuo´s brother.

"Which room?"

"44."

**-Shizuo´s point of view.-**

With a soft creak the small wooden door opened. A small room was behind it, walls all white, an open window was opposite to Shizuo and a bed next to it.

A brown haired male was resting on the bed. His eyes were closed. A mask was attached to his mouth and nose and some tubes were connected to his arm´s veins.

"Hey Kasuka," the blond greeted warm, closing the door behind him as he pulled a chair next to the bed closer.

The sound was pretty loud, the chair´s legs screeching along the wooden floor, but the brunette didn´t flinch.

Shizuo still couldn´t believe that Kasuka might never be waking up again.

"I have some good news you know, I actually got into the survey corps," Shizuo started, informing his brother of what had happened. He knew he was asleep, but thinking that maybe Kasuka heard him while talking was something he liked to firmly believe.

"I know you always said how stupid the guys are that go out there and that it´s impossible to fight titans, but hey, I already beat one with a tree, so the others won´t be too much trouble I guess." Letting his hands trail along the white blanket that was sprawled across the man, he paused for a moment.

"I almost fucked up you know." Almost was quite the underestimation there.

"I couldn´t handle the maneuver gear, you know, that thing they use to fly around like birds between buildings." Reaching for his neck the blond awkwardly ruffled through his hair. "I still can´t handle it actually."

It was embarrassing to admit that much. He had seen how everyone had handled it and yet he was the only one that didn´t.

"Some shitty guy appeared and- well I probably shouldn´t call him shitty since he saved my ass." Leaning back in his chair the blond let his thoughts trail back to that moment. How he had stood up for him.

"He said I should be prepared to get killed. I will pull through." The feeling he had felt when he thought it was over, when he thought they were really going to stop keeping Kasuka alive, it was something he never wanted to experience ever again.

"They are going to keep watching over you now, just as promised," the blond smiled, leaning forward to brush a strain of hair out of his unconscious brother´s face. Blinking he halted.

"Ah but you don´t need to worry about me," he added quickly, figuring that if Kasuka really could hear him, he would probably be worrying him, like always.

...

Grass was softly moving in the wind. The sun was still gleaming down, but somehow Izaya couldn´t help but feel cold.

His eyes were unfocused, just gliding along the garden behind the hospital as he was more concentrated on what he was hearing.

The open window´s curtain next to him waved softly as well.

"I might suck at that gear stuff, but you know I can take care of myself." The words reached his ears in a manner so calm if he hadn´t seen that it was indeed Shizu-chan who had entered the room behind him he wouldn´t have believed it.

Leaning away from the wall, the raven uncrossed his arms.

He had heard enough.

**\- Izaya´s point of view. Ten minutes before.-**

This-

"And these are all of Hanejima-san´s medical records?" Again the girl nodded, almost looking like she wanted to be praised. But the raven wasn´t even in the mood to do that much.

Looking at what he held here in his fingers- he wasn´t a doctor, but just in case he had gained himself enough medical knowledge to know how bad his condition was.

"I have one more question if I may, who is paying for this patient´s stay?" blinking the girl resumed looking through files as the raven handed the records back.

"I´m sorry uhm..." the girl mumbled flustered as she skimmed through some pages. "I don´t know, there seems to be nothing in the records about any payments."

Just as he suspected.

"But it´s not Heiwajima right?" Again the girl looked at the list, this time more confident as she answered.

"No sir, he is just visiting every other day."

"... I see."

**-Izaya´s point of view. Present.-**

... he must have a deal.

From what he had read in the files Kasuka needed a kind of treatment barely anyone could possible afford inside Wall Rose. Maybe inside Wall Sheena, but even there it would be highly unlikely.

Shizu-chan´s brother was in coma- had been for a while now, and looking at his medical records he doubted he was ever going to wake up from it again.

And from what he had just heard-...

Shizu-chan had made a deal. Possibly after someone saw his show of strength- maybe even because of the rumors that he killed a titan with a tree.

With someone- maybe even Shiki, or someone else?

Anyway there had to be something going on behind the scenes, something along the line of, if you join the survey corps and survive and kill titans for us we will keep your brother alive. Something like this he suspected.

It would explain the brute´s behavior on the training ground as well.

He had no other choice. If he didn´t join them it would mean his brother's death- Consequently if his brother woke up he could stop taking part in the survey corps.

It was a cruel deal considering the blond was fighting for someone who was basically already dead. And yet it just proved how much the brute was able to care about someone.

Izaya... was impressed to say the least.

"So this is your reason, isn´t it Shizu-chan?"

It was hilarious how different and yet similar their situations seemed to be. His strength and temper had made him want to mess bad with the man, but now somehow he didn´t really feel like causing him actual trouble anymore.

**To be continued~**

**C: Being in a comatose state, well sue me but it suits that emotionless brother doesn´t it? X'DD It´s not like he would show more expressions alive lmao x'DD**

**Well then, next update will be following on 29th April~! *0*0*0* xD sorry I´m late updating xDDD**

 


	5. ஜ Death Reaper ஜ

-๑-๑ ஜ ๑-*0*-๑ ஜ ๑-๑-

**-Shizuo´s point of view-**

Door after door passed. It was slightly humid inside the building and a faint stench of dust was filling the hallway.

It was quiet too- after leaving the busy streets the contrasting silence was making the blond feel even more uncomfortable. Made him wonder if he had went to the wrong building after all-

Doubtfully looking at the piece of paper he had received at the training ground, he turned left into another hallway.

Only five people apart from him had even been accepted as recruits from what he had heard. All people that he didn't even meet yet.

After a few minutes of standing on the training ground and wondering just what the hell just happened Tom pat him on the shoulder saying that he didn't get accepted.

They had all left.

No one was nearly as devastated as he had been, some even looked relieved.

Well of course.

He doubted anyone of them had a particular reason to join in the first place.

Yet another door finally came in sight, this time wearing the number plate he had been searching for.

Pressing down the handle, the wooden door wearing the number 8 opened with a creak. A flash of sunlight coming from the east side window blinded the blond for a second.

It was pretty small. Dust was drifting in the air becoming visible as it touched the ray of light.

He had heard some rumors.

People supposedly didn't stay in this dorm for longer than one night before the mission. Maybe one or two more nights if the first mission was scheduled for a later date but all in all, no one ever returned to this house- or the wall in the first place.

The other recruits had talked about it, but he only caught a word here and there.

Gossip wasn't anything he was willing to listen to. But seeing as the whole building looked like it had been abandoned, maybe they hadn't been talking bullshit after all.

Just thinking about how many people he had heard of that died outside made him feel like they weren't just gossiping after all.

Letting himself flop into a small bed next to a equally tiny window he looked at the ceiling.

He swallowed.

And now he was part of the livestock for the titans.

He knew it since the scene on the training ground, and he certainly knew it when he told Kasuka about it, but right now, looking at the ceiling like this he seemed to finally actually grasp it.

He did it. He really did.

It was odd. He was torn between feeling relieved and anxious at the same time.

He had to survive out there if he wanted to keep his brother alive. And being chosen despite obviously lacking the skills to make it back alive wasn't exactly putting him at ease.

The sight of that titan destroying their house and the glance it threw at him was still burnt into his mind.

He could recall the blood, the teeth, the way it had grasped his brother in its fist, stepping mindlessly into their house…

It was odd, because he defeated that titan. He beheaded it and yet he couldn't forget the immense fear shooting through his body and making his guts twist when he first laid eyes upon it. And now thinking about how he was going to face multiple ones of these creatures- thinking about how he couldn't even handle the gear-

Getting up from the bed once more the blond hurried back to the door. All of a sudden he felt like he was going to suffocate in this tiny room.

Stepping outside the door fell into place and he let his head thud against the door.

He would survive. He knew he could.

He would make it back and Kasuka would wake up soon.

"Shizuo?" Snapping out of his thoughts the blond turned his head in surprise. The voice had already given away who it was that called his name and yet he couldn't help but stare in disbelief at the person that had appeared in the hallway.

"What are you doing in the survey corps? Finally decided to kick some titan´s ass?"

His throat still felt like someone was choking him and yet he couldn't help but feel a soft smile crawl upon his features.

Really- of all the people he could have met, he certainly didn't expect to meet up with his childhood friend. Not after such a long time.

"Kadota," he said, standing upright, "what are you doing here?"

Pulling out one of the keys they received on the training ground for their rooms in the dorm the man unlocked the door next to Shizuo´s. "Same as you, I got accepted into the survey corps." Opening the door he mindlessly threw two backpacks into the room. "I didn't hear anything from you since high school though, how have you been?"

Highschool, huh?

Feeling nostalgic the blond couldn't help but feel fond about the memory.

Their school had been inside Wall Maria. They were all studying to be able to get a better job and move inside the inner walls. Shizuo didn't think he was actually going to be one of those privileged ones allowed to do that, but hey the hope was there.

And if anyone, then his brother might have just been able to do that. He excelled at most subjects, he wanted to go into science too- find out more about the titan´s and stuff.

"I´m good, didn't really graduate like you guys did, but Kasuka and me just stayed in our house." Nodding to the statement the man hummed.

"I see. talking about it, how is your brother doing?"

Shizuo should have probably expected the question. Should have seen it coming the moment he spotted kadota, but somehow he didn't think of that.

It had been so long. They all used to hang out with each other. But after they left high school they somehow lost sight of each other pretty quickly.

Of course Kadota wouldn't know.

And maybe it was better that way.

"He is fine," the blond responded quickly, glancing behind the man almost hoping for a certain pair of people to appear right behind him. "How about Karisawa and Yumasaki? They arenˋt with you?"

"Saw their bags?" the man questioned instead of giving an answer and pointed inside his room.

"They are coming later, the examination of the maneuver gear hasn´t finished yet. But judging Karisawa´s and Yumasaki´s skills they won´t have any problem passing them. I was the first to pass and chosen as the one to carry our stuff here." The bond snorted, yeah that did suit those two.

"So… you are all going to fight titans?" the blond mumbled realizing what it meant if they all moved here. A soft frown crossed his face as he thought of the immediate danger they all would be in outside the walls. "I thought you wanted to be a doctor? What happened to that?"

A moment of silence followed and the two just looked at each other. Rubbing his neck awkwardly Kadota leaned against the wall of the hallway.

the sun had reached the other side of the building by now, slowly but surely starting to set as it illuminated the corridor with its orange taint.

"One day as a doctor showed me that Iˋm not cut out to be one," Kadota started shoving his hands into his pants pockets as he let his sight travel around.

"I was in the hospital, gaining some experience when suddenly all those injured people came in. Some were only minor injured and some… it was a miracle they even made it to the hospital," the man swallowed as if to prepare himself for what he was going to say next. "It was on the day Wall Maria got broken- "

The day-

The frown having been stuck on Shizuo's face grew a tad deeper, only to disappear completely as he started to understand what his friend had probably been through.

"Barely anyone survived that day," He continued, "I had to watch people suffer and die of injuries that just couldn´t be fixed anymore. People having been ripped apart, friends and relatives crying and clinging to suffering loved ones or already dead bodies… We weren't even allowed to kill them because of ethics, but we weren't allowed to use sedatives either because, they weren't worth being _wasted_ on…" the words dripped from his lips in a manner so bitter they didn't conceal in the slightest how disgusted Kadota was by the way the people treated those people at the hospital. And Shizuo almost couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"What the fuck-"

"Some people were just barely clinging to life for hours, shaking, trembling and screaming in pain until they finally died," kadota added, letting his eyes slip shut just for a moment as those words left his lips. It was almost as if he were trying to chase away the memory from resurfacing in his mind.

"That's when I figured I would rather prevent people from getting inured in the first place," the man said with a sigh, looking at Shizuo again, steady and firm. "We are trapped and the only goal is to survive. So starting at the root of the problem would be the wisest decision, right?"

… it was.

Shizuo couldn't deny that and he knew it. As much as the idea of his friends going out there when he probably couldn't even protect himself disturbed him, he understood.

"And those two followed you?" he questioned, referring to Karisawa and Yumasaki.

"Of course. Karisawa was even excited, she was going on and on how they were going to pay the titan's back. They were talking about torture I think and stuff that I didn't even really want to listen to, too closely."

A soft snort escaped the blond's lips and he remembered just how Karisawa used to pay people back if they even did as much as glare wrong at her friends.

"Sometimes I wonder how they can be so optimistic," Kadota laughed, stepping away from the wall again. "Then again who knows, maybe we will be the group to finally beat those titans." Sighing the blond ruffled through his hair.

"Well according to the flea I will be pretty useless there..."

"Flea?"

**-Izaya´s point of view.-**

Door after door passed as the raven wandered through the halls of their dormitory. Some Rooms were left open, empty, the former recruits belongings still resting there. It was a shame, really. Those guys could have done so many things apart from fighting outside the walls.

Now they were all dead.

Somehow it was odd to wander through this building- it felt as though he was walking in a coffin. None of the recruits lived long enough to return a second time to this place.

Well, except him of course.

Letting his eyes travel over the multiple halls and rooms he grumbled softly to himself.

That idiot was supposed to meet him in front of the building and not make him run around to fetch him from his room like a child.

Actually he hated the inside of the walls. He even hated it more than the outside. That probably sounded odd because of the titans and all, trying to kill him and actually eating all the people and so on.

But outside the walls he was free.

He had his equipment. The gear.

He could use it however he liked, giving his best at parkour and just kill anyone threatening his life.

Outside the walls he was more like a hunter than just food for those titans.

But inside? Here, between all these people, the uppers, the political influences and connections everyone had throughout the country- he felt more like a prey than anywhere else.

The fact that he wasn't allowed to carry around his blades and gas wasn't exactly putting him at ease either. Sure he had a couple tricks up his sleeve, quite literally since there were tiny blades hidden in there, but when coming face to face with the military if they happened to actually accuse him of killing the recruits outside, he knew he wouldn't stand a chance with just his flick blade and parkour.

Not to mention that getting away was no option anyway, seeing as they were going to use his sisters against him.

**-Shizuo´s point of view.-**

"So what's up with that weird rumor?" Having left the hallway the two had gotten inside Kadota´s room. The bags were resting on the floor while Shizuo had taken his seat on one of the three beds inside the tiny chamber.

"Which one are you talking about?" Kadota asked, sitting opposite to him on the other bed, leaning his back on the wall. The setting sun was casting long shadows on the ground, steadily but surely approaching the horizon.

"There is more than one?" the blond asked a bit surprised seeing how the man´s response suggested there were more than just two or three.

"Depending on who you ask there are dozens." Kadota informed, letting his head rest on his elbow.

"... I heard some people say no one returns here. And this place really does look abandoned."

"Because of all the empty rooms, ne?" the blond nodded. It had been obvious the moment he entered. And the fact that he didn't meet anyone in here either was a bit unsettling as well.

"Can´t say it´s not true," Kadota hummed, "I only just got here, but from what I heard almost no one makes it back alive from the outside trips." He paused for a second and corrected himself. "Well except one."

Right.

Tom had said so too. Only one of the survey corps has been returning from each and every mission so far.

"... that flea?" the blond questioned, having hit the mark.

"Izaya, yeah. People call him the death reaper because of it." A frown crossed the blond's expression.

"What?" Death reaper? "Why?"

"You asked whether there were more rumors, right?" Kadota repeated, "Well one of them is that Izaya kills his own men on the missions to make sure he stays the captain."

Kill-

For a second the blond blinked, the frown on his face growing just that much deeper.

"... you are kidding-" but Kadota shook his head.

"There are many people who believe that especially inside wall Rose."

Killing the people that went outside with him?

Okay, no one returned from the trips, but that was understandable because of the titans, right? But killing them? When no one would be there to witness it?

Now that he thought about it, Izaya accepted him into the survey corps even though he couldn't handle the gear at all. He even said that one mouth less to feed wouldn't harm anyone inside the walls-

He accepted him despite knowing he won't survive…

…

And yet-

"I don't believe that." the blond stated firmly.

He didn't have any logical reasoning for it, but what the flea did for him and said and this rumor were two entirely different things. Somehow.

"Me neither actually." Kadota suddenly threw in, supporting Shizuo´s opinion. "Sure Izaya is an ass sometimes, but not a killer." The blond blinked at the words.

"You say that like you know him."

"I do."

Oh?

Taking off the cap he was always wearing the man let his arm rest on his knee, looking outside again. "I used to hang around with him when we were kids. He wasn't my best friend or anything, but not a bad guy." He snorted, "Well that counts as long as you don't get on his wrong side, he can be quite the asshole to some people. That's probably where the rumors came from in the first place. Same for the attacks."

"Attacks?" the frown growing deeper Shizuo´s stare hardened. He didn't like the sound of that.

"With these rumors coursing around some people take them too serious and start taking revenge on their own you know," Kadota explained, seemingly already having taken the fact for granted, while Shizuo could do nothing but stare in disbelieve.

"They try to kill him?!" he could feel his fists tighten next to his body left and right. "But those rumors are wrong!" He didn't even know why that thought made him get so mad- but he swore he could feel his blood boil.

"Tell that those people."

"What the hell-" He certainly could care less- hell he couldn't stand that stupid louse with his smirk- but people attacking him randomly for something those titans did just fuelled his rage.

"Seeing as he doesn't have the best personality either it's not surprising. Sometimes I think he deliberately makes people hate him."

The blond grit his teeth.

"That´s still no fucking reason to start attacking innocent people for-"

A sudden creak coming from the door made both of them pause in their conversation and snap their heads towards it.

"So this is where you were hiding Shizu-chan." Talking about the devil. There he was.

It took the raven merely a second to spot not only Shizuo but also Kadota inside the room- "Yo Dotachin, so you got paired with the monster." To say he was surprised to see him here would be a lie. But him being together with the blond was something he didn't expect.

"I thought I said I would be waiting for you in front of the dorms," the raven spoke addressing the brute as he leant against the doorframe crossing his arms in front of his body.

"You aren't surprised to see me here?" Kadota asked instead, beating the blond to the answer.

"Saw your name on the list. Excuse me if I don't congratulate you on making it into the corps."

-๑-๑ ஜ ๑-*0*-๑ ஜ ๑-๑-

**To be continued~**

**Heyyyyyy! xDD Sorry I took so long for this update people C': And also for taking so long with all the others- screams-**

**I was getting slightly stressed with studying and got a minor tiny lil writing block xDD**

**Lol but seeing as I wrote basically 1000 words of this shit today I guess that´s over lmao**

**On a side info I was also kinda busy researching and shit because I´m getting two fat tail geckos -squeals- I can´t wait for the beauties to arrive xD Setting everything up and getting informed on them took up lots of time so whelp x'DDDDDDDD**

**-coughs- anyway, back to the shizaya x'D**

**I will try to make sure to update again in 14 days from now on haha, though I can´t promise it because university exams are also approaching xD I tend to get too freaking nervous over exams and then I can´t concentrate on writing nor studying lmao Anyway~ I will be trying to update every other story I´m writing in the coming days (wanna finish Sotd for tomorrow) x'D**

**Well then, see you in 14 days~! -hopefully- xD**


	6. -๑-๑ஜ ๑- Up we go~ -๑ஜ ๑-๑-

 

**-Shizuo´s point of view.-**

People try to kill him.

What the actual fuck?

Following the raven to - well the didn't even know where they were going, the blond couldn't help but feel his anger rise. It wasn't even Izaya´s fault- and yet somehow it was.

The people around him pissed him off.

He knew he could act irrational at times, beat up some people more than necessary, but to blindly go and try kill someone because of a rumor that's not even confirmed was something so stupid not even Shizuo could understand that line of thinking. He would always make sure he at last got the right guy to get mad over.

"Come on protozoan, I don't have all day to waste on you." Lifting his head from the ground that he was staring all too angry at the blond noticed that his new captain had walked ahead quite a bit.

Trees and widows were starting to replace the houses scattered in the landscape and slowly but surely they were pretty much the only people walking around in the nature.

It was only when they reached the gigantic wall that the raven stopped walking. Well there wouldn't have been anywhere else to go anyway.

"There put that on." Blinking the blond looked at the raven who was now handing him one of these dreaded maneuver gears.

For a second the blond thought he might be joking, but the serious expression Izaya wore certainly didn't seem like it.

"What for? I can't handle this shit." The blond announced his doubts making the raven´s expression not move in the slightest.

"What? Did you think I would really just let you run around like a stupid chicken waiting to be stepped upon?" he asked instead, still holding that dreadful gear out to him.

A bit surprised the blond looked at the flea.

"You aren´t?" Considering what Izaya had said at the training ground about how he was just going to be one more corpse on the field that didn't need to be sustained anymore he had pretty much assumed Izaya was going to do just that.

"I took you into my team Shizu-chan, into the survey corps," the raven started, shoving the gear towards the blond in a manner that made him grab the thing without thinking twice, "Whatever you do on a mission could risk everyone else's lives." A smirk drew across his expression and he took a step back again.

"Not that I care, but it would be a shame if you already died on your first mission."

The frown on his face only getting deeper and deeper in confusion the blond looked at the gear in his hands- maybe the flea had given him some kind of special gear for stupid recruiters or something, but no, it was just the normal thing everyone used.

Confusion written across his face the blond looked at the raven.

"And what am I supposed to do now...?" As if he had been waiting for exactly that question the raven rose his hand, showing two fingers.

"You know Shizu-chan, out there it's either one of two options at all times." Pointing at the blades resting left and right on Izaya's hips the raven continued speaking, "to fight." next he pointed to Shizuo's gear. "or to run."

Frown easing up just the slightest bit the blond admitted that these two options sounded about right.

Throwing his hands into the air with a smile on his face the raven continued- "Now if you sit in a tree at a perfect position, you can fight all day, sever heads to your heart's content," of course Shizu-chan could, and he probably would considering what kind of brute he was. Then his face grew serious again. "But if there are more than just a couple. If they gather to a group of let´s say five only, you won't be able to fight them all."

he had seen it often enough- these titans, most people inside the walls thought they were just dumb animals- that they were just hunting individually for food but no that wasn't even the case.

First of they didn't need any food, so they had to be eating them for another reason entirely- and secondly-

They were able to think. That one was one of Izaya's own theories, but thinking about how they seemed to gather up on certain people once in a while it was almost as if they were working together. And no dumb brainless animals would work together like that.

"So, Shizu-chan, let's say you have to run away, how do you plan to do that?" Izaya swore he could almost see the steam rising from Shizu-chan´s head as he glanced to the gear, to Izaya and then back to the gear a couple times.

"I... run?" he tried first, making the raven shake his head, already having expected that kind of answer, no matter how silly it was.

"An average titan runs with 30km/h good luck outrunning it," the raven informed with just the slightest hint of sarcasm, making the brute probably feel even more stupid than he already did. "What else?" he asked, hoping that there would be some more ideas coming from the blond.

Not that he didn't already have the solution but he did kinda hope the blond would be able to figure it out himself.

Stupid recruiters were something he didn't need either after all.

"I use a horse?" Shizuo tried, knowing fully well that all the missions were usually involving horses they rode away with.

But the grin and soft shake of Izaya's head made him realize that that probably wasn't what the flea wanted to hear either.

"Too bad one of the titan's ate it, what now?"

Without a horse? Wracking his head the blond tried to figure out another way- he tried to imagine the situation. Being outside the walls, titans were after him and wanted to eat him.

"I …." well there was only one thing he could think of- "...hide?" he tried, hoping this was the correct answer- otherwise he wouldn´t have any idea left.

To his relief the raven nodded.

"We are getting somewhere. But where do you hide?" Where he said- well the first option that came to mind were jumping inside some bushes or whatever, but seeing how the first answer he gave hadn´t been the right one so far he figured he needed to think about that a bit more.

"... behind trees?" he suggested, making the raven roll his eyes, obviously getting a bit impatient.

"You are surrounded by at least 2 titans, gathered around you and you think running behind a tree will make them lose you out of their sight?"

Okay then maybe not the trees- … no wait.

"... in the tree crowns?" It was the only option left he could think of, and thinking about it, it was the most logical thing to do as well- everyone else except for him could handle the gear after all and where were they flying around? In between the tree tops.

"That´s what I wanted to hear~!" the raven agreed, affirming Shizuo´s suspicion, yet it didn't make him any wiser.

"Wait you want me to hide in trees?" Not just the fact that he had no idea how to get up there, but also the minor detail that he had no clue how to do that sort of thing made the blond frown.

The aversion against what the raven was suggesting didn´t go by unnoticed by Izaya. He never quite understood why anyone would risk their lives for someone else on a battlefield- especially when facing an indestructible force like the titan´s, but he was very well aware that many others seemed to be just too restless to remain calm during those kind of events.

He had seen dozens of recruits rushing to their friend aid to help them- help. Yeah if just they would have been able to. How many did he see die in exactly that way?

"I would rather have you hide up there and wait for things to calm down than for you to end up as a blood blotch on the ground," he argued quickly, trying to extinguish any remains of objection.

The blond kept quiet, still didn't quite agree though. What Izaya said made sense and yet it seemed just wrong to stand by and do nothing.

"Anyway, what are we doing here then?" he asked, gesturing around them. There were nothing but vast meadows. "There are no trees."

Taking a step forward the raven glanced over his shoulder with a grin.

"No tree inside the wall would be high enough for this practice," and with that the steel wires shot from his gear, pulling the raven into the air quicker than Shizuo could follow with his eyes.

One food landed at the side of the wall, one arm grabbing the wire still dangling from the spot the harpoon had pierced.

Izaya was a good 15 meters up ahead, dangling from the wall as he grinned down at the blond.

"The second tallest titans will reach up here." Shizuo heard the flea yell, pointing with his thumb to the point his steel wires shot into. "And now I want you to get up here~"

For a second the blond was left to blink- blink then look up the wall again- look around for some tree, then glance at Izaya's face to see if maybe he was joking, but no, he wasn´t-

"Up the wall?!" How the hell was he supposed to do that?

He knew he had a gear and all, but Izaya should know pretty well that he was useless with this thing, he couldn't use it at all!

"Let me be clear," the louse started talking again from above. "I don't care _how_ you do it considering how brutish you are, but if you don't want to rely on simple luck of not encountering any titans out there then you better figure something out."

Frowning the blond looked at his gear.

He knew what this entire thing came down to. He had to use his gear didn't he?

Getting up this high without any help- hell if it was a tree it would even be easier. He could grab some branches, maybe just crawl up the stem-

No. He probably couldn´t. Not on a battlefield.

The flea wasn´t wrong with anything he said and yet somehow this whole thing pissed him off.

Glancing at the gear he wondered what his options were.

"What´s wrong, already giving up Shizu-chan~?" the raven called from above in a mocking tune, obviously intending to piss the blond off even more.

"Of course not!" he yelled back and inspected his gear a bit closer.

He just had to shoot this shitty thing into the wall, right? How difficult could that possibly be?

Grasping the cool metal at his hips the blond looked back and forth between the spot Izaya was dangling from and the gear. Okay- he could do this-

Fast and loud the steel wires shot out of the mini casket- pried themselves into the wall and-

_*BAM*_

Groaning the blond clutched his head with both hands as the air got knocked out of his chest. Similar to a caterpillar he found himself laying on his back, having crashed into the wall head on before falling to the ground again.

Earth was piled up left and right to him from how he got pulled through the dirt by his very own equipment.

Heartfelt laughter reached his ears and the blond´s frown only deepened as he looked up the wall.

"Sorry but-" the raven wheezed, tears collecting at the corner of his eyes as he tried to stop laughing, "this is just-" the dirt had even piled up on Shizuo´s face and the raven had to hold his stomach because laughing too hard.

"You fucking-! Stop laughing!" the blond barked although through all the anger he could feel a certain degree of embarrassment heat up his cheeks.

That louse wasn´t even making fun of him Shizuo had just literally given him a performance that was too fun to contain his shitty posture.

Wiping the dirt off his face with the back of his hand the blond pushed himself of the ground again. Pulling harshly at the steel wires he broke them back out of the wall, causing some stones to fall from above.

The raven cleared his throat as he had finally stopped laughing and curiously watched Shizu-chan as he walked back to his initial position.

He wasn´t giving up yet? Somehow it was surprising, yet to be expected. The blond had the shortest temper Izaya had ever seen so he would have thought the blond was going to leave after he couldn´t contain his laughter. Not so this time though.

Charging the wall again Shizu-chan shot the wires off and- same result except this time he ended up trapping himself in between the wires.

A couple of curses reached the raven´s ears and he found himself thinking that some more mocking might just be the solution to the problem.

"What´s wrong, come catch me~" the raven dared cocky, using his gear to carefree run along the wall, showing off to the blond how people from the survey corps were supposed to handle their gears.

"Are you really too stupid to get this right~?" the raven cooed making a vein pop at the blond´s forehead.

"Shut up flea," he growled, shooting the wires off once more-

With the same outcome.

To be honest this was definitely the worst he had ever seen someone handle a gear.

Time after time the blond tried again only to fail miserably each time. The raven just remained in place, watching the blond from above.

But no matter how many times the brute crashed into the wall, he surprisingly didn't just break the gear or walk away. The blond was tentative for one thing.

"I have to admit it's impressive how stubborn a monster like you can be," Izaya announced, almost making it sound like a compliment, but the blond only depicted the words as mockery anyway.

"Oh shut up flea," he growled, already having a searing headache from all the crashes. If he weren't such a monster he would probably be out of it already.

Sighing the raven let his eyes trail along the landscape.

It was almost bitter how beautiful their surroundings were. Meadows, bushes, trees and houses here and there were drawing a pretty neat picture in front of his eyes. The sun was gleaming from above setting everything into the brightest colors.

And behind this wall, there was hell.

It was really odd to think about.

Hearing yet another crash against the wall Izaya glanced down again. The blond was struggling with the gear again.

…

He wondered if Shizu-chan believed he was going to throw him out of the survey corps if he didn´t manage this.

The desperation and stubbornness he tried to accomplish this task with almost made him think so.

…

He wouldn´t. Izaya knew himself well enough to know he couldn't just throw the blond out again no matter what he did but there was no harm in making the blond believe he would do so right?

"Come on Shizu-chan, I don't have all day~" he called from above, a smirk crawling over his lips as he could literally see the anger increase in Shizu-chan´s eyes.

If glares could kill he would be dead by now the raven thought amused.

Good thing they couldn´t~

Angry, stomping away to the point he always started with the blond got ready again for one more try- it was then when he was busy glancing up at the raven that he failed to shoot both steel wires at the same time-

Feeling himself being pulled towards the wall by only the right wire he smashed into it from aside.

A sickening crack reached the raven´s ears and his body tensed involuntarily.

In the blond´s mind however something had just clicked together. A victorious grin spreading along his lips he pulled the wire out again- but this time he kept standing right in front of the wall-

He had an idea!

Purposely shooting only one of the wires up half the height Izaya was settled in he let himself be pulled up- the wire dragged him, gave him sped and before he knew it he was past the point the wire plucked itself into the wall and he pulled the shit out, shooting the other wire near Izaya-

Taking a quick step backwards the raven barely avoided being grazed by the dangerous projectile as the blond approached him.

The scene almost reminded him of a horror movie. Shizuo crawling up the wall like a monkey blood sprinkled all over his face from all the crashes and that sickening angle his arm was bent in- yeah, a pretty disturbing sight.

"How graceful," the raven commented when the brute finally settled down next to him. But the blond was still grinning victorious, way too proud of his ding to get mad over Izaya's teasing.

"But I made it," he announced proudly.

"With a bleeding head and some cracked limbs I suppose," Izaya added letting his eyes trail up and down the blond´s body. There was dirt and blood everywhere and even though Shizu-chan had managed to get up the wall he had done so in a manner that left the raven to sigh.

"But I escaped, the titan´s won´t get up here," Shizuo defended himself, reminding Izaya way too well on how he said he didn't care how the blond got up here.

"Really now, I dunno if I should be impressed or grossed out by your monstrosity," the raven sighed letting himself fall down the wall quicker than Shizuo could follow with his eyes.

"Stop calling me a monster," the blond frowned, pulling the wire out of the wall as he simply let himself fall down as well.

Not as graceful as the rave the blond landed on the ground.

"Of course Shizu-chan~" the raven hummed, turning around to approach the blond.

"And drop that nickname too." the blond grumbled, but faded out at the end as the raven didn't simply stop in front of him a few steps away.

"Sure, sure, now freeze." His hands were suddenly all over his shoulder and arm and the blond pulled away with a frown.

"What the hell flea-?" he barked bewildered, but the raven just rolled his eyes and again those fingers were touching him without permission.

"You think I didn't notice? That shoulder is definitely dislocated right there," the raven informed making the blond´s frown disappear. A blink followed and the bond looked at his shoulder, then back at Izaya only to realize that he had thought before something broke there.

"I would say something like, this is going to hurt now, but considering your sense of pain you probably won't even feel anything," the raven announced, still looked at the blond though as if to wait for confirmation.

He- wanted to pop it back in? Almost ashamed at how he had lashed out at the raven the blond just nodded as Izaya pushed at the shoulder.

That louse had skills that much Shizuo had to admit. He was just as fast as any doctor Izaya had visited that had to relocate a bone somewhere. Maybe even faster. It was just a push and pull and suddenly he could move his shoulder properly again.

"... thanks," he mumbled but the flea was already walking away again.

Somehow it made the blond feel a bit guilty. Izaya wasn't exactly being nice, no he was a little shit- but somehow slowly but surely he found himself thinking that maybe he was treating him worse than he deserved.

The flea was an irritating little shit and yet- he had just helped him even though no one asked for it. He could care less.

People were already taking revenge at him for things he didn´t do. And now he wasn´t being any better.

A frown appeared at his face and he ruffled through his hair as he quickly caught up to the raven. Maybe he should try being a bit less of an ass towards the flea.

**To be continued~**

**xD hehe now be prepared for some bonding C: Sorry for being a bit late xD**

**Well then the next chapter will be up on 21stjuly2017 C: xD Sorry for the long waiting time but ´m having all my exams and I´m flying on vacation right afterwards xD**


	7. -๑-๑ஜ ๑- A place to return to -๑ஜ ๑-๑-

 

**-Shizuo´s point of view.-**

Annoyed the blond stomped after the raven.

Great. Now he was annoyed.

Annoyed and guilty- that mix sucked.

It pissed him off.

It pissed him off so much.

And what did? Tch- this was all because of Izaya.

"What are you mad about? Don't tell me you are still angry at me for laughing at you?" the raven asked all of a sudden making the blond snap out of his thoughts. The frown he had already been wearing only grew that much more deeper at the question.

"I'm not angry," Shizuo responded gruff, not exactly sounding like he meant what he said. the raven only snorted in response.

"The frown on your face tells me something different." Groaning the blond ruffled through his hair-

"Okay maybe I'm angry, but not at you."

Oh? Interest piqued the raven slowed his steps down a bit to be able and walk next to the annoyed blond.

"Well that's interesting, care to share what´s getting you so mad then?" To be completely honest he didn't exactly expect the brute to actually go and tell him what was making him frown this hard, but hey, why not try?

A moment of silence followed as the raven kept walking next to the blond. Stones were kicked and he watched a few birds fly above them as Shizu-chan´s expresioned continued growing annoyed, then relaxed and annoyed again.

It was only after a few minutes of quiet walking that the blond actually raised his voice.

"Did you know," he started, pausing mid sentence, only causing Izaya´s curiosity to multiply by a thousand as he looked at the blond.

"Did you know, people call you a death reaper?"

For a second Izaya was just left to blink- partly in surprise, a bit in amazement he was just coming right out and asking about it, and lastly about how absurd it was that Shizu-chan was getting annoyed over this by himself- not to mention he was only mad now.

When could he have heard of the rumors? Back at the recruiter´s house?

Even if he heard it there, he had to have been brooding over it every since they went to the wall- even during the whole training and now he was asking about it?

Izaya couldn't help but laugh at the question.

An odd glance was thrown at him and the blond´s frown only grew at Izaya's unexpected laughter.  
He just asked him about a pretty serious topic and he could do nothing but laugh about it?

What the hell.

"What's so funny about that?" Shizuo asked with a growl, regretting that he even asked in the first place.

The raven held his stomach laughing and shook his head.

"No, it's just- why are you asking me this now?"

A confused expression appeared on Shizuo's face as his frown disappeared for a moment.

"Huh? What about it?" but izaya merely shook his head.

"Nevermind," the blond wouldn´t get why he was being hilarious in the first place anyway, and after explaining it it wouldn't be as fun anymore. "Shizu-chan did you seriously think I didn't know that?"

the blond really had guts to ask him this sort of thing- he might be a monster but izaya was more agile and quick. If he really was a "death reaper" that killed his recruiters, then what did Shizu-chan expect him to do now? Tell him yes he was the one to do it and obediently go to prison?

Maybe did he expect him to fight and win?

No, Shizu-chan wasn't this smart, if anything he probably just really wanted to know and that's why he asked.

Seriously- it had been a long time Izaya met someone this… straightforward.

And maybe innocent. It was an odd combination considering how ridiculously strong the blond was. Then again, it matched his temper, ne?

"You do?" the confusion spreading across Shizu-chan´s face was really priceless and yet the raven had to sigh- to be honest he was a bit disappointed.

"Of course. How could I not?" Did he really seem like he was this stupid? People attacked him out of nowhere at times and or tried to harm him in some roundabout way, of course he knew what the people around him were thinking.

He was almost offended by the question. His body growing tense as he didn't know what Shizu-chan was having in mind now he waited- waited for the blond to attack his or something along these lines, except, he didn´t.

"Then tell them that you aren't killing anyone on the missions!" was the only angry reply he received, completely and utterly catching him by surprise.

Flabbergasted he could only look at the blond for what felt like an eternity, but it only were a couples of seconds that passed until a pretty intelligent, "What?" left Izaya's lips.

That- Izaya seriously couldn't believe what he just heard- did the blond seriously believe he didn't kill anyone? From the way he had asked and the way he had frowned and looked annoyed all the way here Izaya had been sure the brute was just this pissed because he actually believed the rumors, like everyone else he may add.

To find out that the first human to not doubt his intentions would be hm was surprising to a degree it left the raven speechless.

"What, what?" Shizu-chan grumbled, making the raven snap out of his freeze.

"No, just… you don´t believe I kill them?"

Just the mere thought of someone actually trusting him threw the raven so out of concept he actually stuttered halfway along his sentence.

"Huh? Of course not."

_Of course_ he said, that brute, as if it were the most natural thing in the world to just trust a stranger this much after knowing him for like two days.

"How would you know?"

Izaya didn't know whether to think the blond was just stupid and naive enough to believe it wasn't him, or whether he was actually way smarter than he thought in the first place and came to that conclusion through another way.

he almost expected the blond to come up with a detailed explanation of how he reached that conclusion, but he got heavily disappointed.

"You don't," it was a simple answer, but it didn't satisfy Izaya´s curiosity at all.

"Do enlighten me, please, what gave you the impression I'm this innocent?"

It had to be something great, maybe something he said?

For a split second izaya thought the blond might have found out he knew about his brother and figured that he had only let him into the survey corps because of it. which wasn't entirely true but also not entirely wrong either.

But oh how far off from the truth he had been.

"My guts."

His guts.

"Your-" hallowing laughter left the raven´s lips as he just couldn't believe the answer he had been given. Something so primitive and illogical like this- it sent him into a laughing fit.

"Seriously you are just like a beast," he started, not exactly trying to piss the blond off, but he couldn't help but say so, "Relying on instincts instead of human logic."

Shaking his head he wiped a tear from the corner of his eyes, his stomach was hurting - that´s how hard he had had to laugh.

Seriously this guy was great.

"Whatever. I know I'm right," the man in questioned growled, probably a bit pissed off having been called a beast again.

"You know that I'm almost always the only one to return from missions?" Izaya went on. He really, really appreciated the trust Shizu-chan seemed to have in him, but responding to his surrounding with this much irrational emotion was going to be their doom one day.

"But you didn't kill them."

So the blond was stubborn as well, great.

"Then how come it's always the same result?"

No matter the mission, no matter how many people were with them, he never returned with his recruits and yet the blond wasn't suspicious at all? "You tell me."Shizu-chan didn't exactly seem like a gullible person. Naive maybe and stupid, but was he seriously not harbouring a shred of

distrust?

Momentarily at a loss of words the raven could only vice his surprise with the honest truth.

"... Honestly you are the first to ever even ask my side of the story."

Be it Shiki or Namie or pretty much anyone he had ever known, they all believed he was the reason all of these recruiters were dead.

Be it by his own hand or by some titans they were all convinced it was him and him alone.

Yet the blond didn't seem to be affected at all.

"It's high time then," he replied instead, waiting to get an answer from the flea.

To be honest izaya was a bit unwilling to share anything with well, a stranger. What did he know about the blond? So far he only kept surprising him with every word he said and action he did.

Who knew what he was going to do next?

But then again- he had never had the chance to even tell someone what really happened out there.

"They just die," he started averting his eyes, "Lack experience. Take on titans they can´t defeat. Fail on running away quick enough. What do you want to hear? We are up against a force that's so much stronger than all of humanity together, people should expect to die," really, they should. Especially when facing something as horrendous as these creatures. "And yet every single one of them believes firmly they are someone special. They are stronger than the rest. Smarter, faster. Usually it's this huge overestimation after weeks of safe training that makes them think they can take them on all at once."

Might also be the heroism, the want of becoming that one human, that special one that was going to defeat all the titans at once and be the saviour of humanity.

But he wasn't going to mention that one considering the blond had seen a real titian up close Izaya had a feeling he wouldn't understand that line of thoughts anyway.

"Could also be the adrenaline and fear rushing into them during an encounter with these beasts, but yeah same result," he continued instead, remembering all too well how some people just lost it once they encountered a titan.

Some started screaming, some just froze up, and in really fucked up cases they started talking to the titan, asked it why it was eatin them and if it won´t stop so they could live together in peace.

Someone once even suggested offering human sacrifices if they left them in peace for exchange.

Hypocrites. Talking about safety but willing to sacrifice anyone but themselves.

"I guess I am partly at fault too," the raven had to admit, because upon the sight of these kind of humans he just lost the motivation to even do anything to save them. "I gave up screaming commands that won´t be obeyed but rather help the titan´s spot me ages ago."

Maybe they were right. He knew if he tried he could save at least one person every time they went on a mission, but like this?

"They all think they know it better. But always, right before they die, they throw me a glance, as if to say why didn't you save us? Why did you let us die?" So yeah, actually, maybe he was a death reaper. he lead them all to nothing but their end. Every single one of those recruiters.  
And he knew it.

"I'm fed up with this." Pausing the raven realized he had said more than he had intended to.

Revealing this much about himself- honestly it was something he never did. Then again there was no one to tell this kind of thing to so far anyway.

"...I see," the blond responded simply without any hint of sarcasm. izaya had expected to be blamed after all he said, he had expected Shizu-chan to argue and tell him that all these things were what made him the only one at fault for everyone to die. After all if he tried to instruct them better or if he just saved one it would be enough- he expected something along these lines. And yet Shizu-chan wasn't bringing any of these arguments he had heard over the years up.

"What, not objecting? Aren't you going to say that maybe I should have prepared them better?" Maybe it was stupid to help the blond to come up with reasons to think of him as a death reaper, but somehow Izaya couldn't help but do it.

Maybe… just maybe it was because he partly did feel at fault for what happened out there.

Having someone hear all the arguments against his innocence and still believing he wasn't at fault was somewhat…. refreshing, if not to say relieving.

"I don't think anyone could prepare them for these assholes," the blond shrugged, dismissing his words right away as if they had been nonsense in the first place.

Izaya couldn't help but smile softly.

"You know, people like you, who already faced a titan are probably the only ones that even have a chance of surviving," the raven mumbled. Actually he hand´t intended for the words to reach the blond´s ears but now that he had said them out aloud he couldn't think of a reason why he shouldn't tell him.

Shizu-chan wasn't going to overestimate himself just because he said he had a higher chance of surviving.

He was refreshingly down to earth and realistic.

He had seen the terror, experienced the lack of power against these threats to humanity-

"people like you don´t act reckless anymore," he mumbled aloud, making the blond hum in realization.

Twisting his head he turned to look at the raven.

"Is that why you got me into the survey corps?" the raven blinked, surprised by the question, but now that he thought about it…. maybe. Maybe that was it.

"I guess one of the reasons, yeah."

After all, even if he would never admit it, he had sort of chosen Shizu-chan because of a feeling. A gut feeling so to say. maybe it was the stubbornness or one of his other traits, but something about the blond´s way of how he handled himself had piqued the raven´s interest ever since he first laid eyes upon him without a doubt.

"Izaya," snapping out of his thoughts the raven twisted his head towards the blond once more. "You piss me off," Shizu-chan started, making the raven think he was going to change his mind after all, but no, "but if one of them kills me I won't blame you for it."

To be honest Izaya didn't even know what to feel at that kind of statement. It would be horrid to say he was relieved, no, after all he didn't care about whether or not he was going to get blamed for someone's death after they died. But something about this whole conversation just somehow made Izaya feel like….

Home. It was stupid to put it that way maybe, but somehow Izaya felt as though he had found a place he wouldn't hate returning back to. Namely that he didn't really want to part from as well. maybe it was odd to call Shizu-chan a home, but apart from his siblings he was the first person he ever felt this at ease with.

It made the raven unable to suppress a smile that was tugging at his lips and he spoke up once more.

"I don't like you either," he mumbled, "but I would prefer if you don't get caught in the first place." The words were so calm, so, deep and downright honest Shizuo literally felt disarmed.

Seriously, he was startling to feel worse and worse for just hating the raven right off the bat without any real reason. Now that he had seen what he was like and what he could act like when he wanted to, he was actually starting to take a liking to the flea.

**To be continued~ xD sowy not sowy for stopping right there xDDDDD hehehe but hey C: shit is going to get serious soonish C.**

**So much harmony~ so much sweetness and fluff even xD**

**Oh ho ho ho ho**

**But not yet C. next chapter is gonna be a cutie one as well xD for now ho ho ho xDDDDD  
**

**lmao xD**

**now- SOWWWYYYY**

**GAHHHHH IM SORRYYYYYYY -cries forever-**

I know I haven't been updating for a shit ass long time TAT None of my stories actually -bows in apology

I don't even have a good excuse geez because the reason is fairly selfish x'D

Anyway peeps, **no worries xD**

First off: **I´m not dead, I didn't drop mah love for Shizaya, I didn't drop mah love for writing nor am I stopping any of my stories xD**

The reason I'm so late is because **I´m trying to fulfill a dream of mine** C':

You know peeps, I allllllways ever since I first started typing little stories on a keyboard when I was 8 years old, **dreamt of one day writing a book xD**

**My own book series to be precise C:**

I´m not sure whether it´s gonna be a trilogy or more books but the thing is I have been working on the plot since 5 years ago (holy fuck that long?!)- on a plot xD Of an original book C: no fanfiction, just me and mah old brain coming up with the most fucked up fantasy/love/friendship/mystery/adventure story I could think of xD

As some of you might know from various authors notes or stuff **I only started writing fanfiction stories in the first place because I wanted to train writing and get something like a writing style** before I start writing down the story I came up with C:

And over the course of time over those 5 years (Fucking long time omg) lots of you lovely wonderful encouraging cookies started gradually but surely saying not only nice things about my story but also mah writing itself xD Which is like the ultimate compliment for me gosh -squeals in joy at all those encouraging words- And I myself noticed too that my writing changed and it's way easier for me today to write and describe scenes than it was 5 years ago xD

And that grew and grew and you all encouraged me so much that by now **I finally gathered enough to confidence and experience to actually start writing my book C: xD** (lol after 5 years xD)

So to put it simple: **I started writing my book two weeks ago xD**

Now **I'm on chapter 6** with the whole shit **and got 28.100 words so far** x'D

I'm writing between 1000 and 2000 words a day, if not more because I wanna get it done before December C': Looking at the pace I´m going at, considering a book of 600 pages, counting roughly 300 words per page, roughly equals an amount of 150.000 words, **I should be done with the first book** of the story somewhere **between October the 8th** (earliest possible date lmao) **and** **December the 17th** (latest possible date) x'D -coughs- you might have noticed I like making plans and calculating shit lmao x'D -cough-

Anyway, So actually that´s the reason I'm so late with all the updates x'D C':I´m so immersed in mah book´s world and shit and working on it all day there's barely any time left for ma precious shizaya -cries-I hope you can forgive meh peeps -looks at you with puppy eyes-

If you are curious, **I´m updating the word counts of all the updates everyday on my profile on fanfiction . net** \- also the words count of my book if anyone is interested x'D

I will also give some heads up of when approximately I will be updating which story again C': So check it out haha xD same for possible delays and shit xD

Also for all the worried cookies out there- you can see on the "profile updated:23h ago" that I´m very much alive and haven't forgotten everyone C':

Well then, I guess that´s everything for today- C': sowy again for the long ass delay TAT

**Well then, that´s it for today xD**

**See you all again on (probs) 23rd August C: 2017 of course lmao xDD**

**Imma give my best to keep updating all my stories again like a good girl C: xDDDDD**


	8. -๑-๑ஜ ๑ The scientific unit -๑ஜ ๑-๑-

**-Shizuo´s point of view.-**

"Ready to get introduced to the rest of the members?"

Having reached the dorms once again the blond was only left to blink in surprise at the question. He had just been about to open the door when Izaya asked those words.

The rest of the members?

"I thought they all died on missions?" he asked, being pretty damn sure that they had just more than only talked about that topic, but the raven was merely shaking his head.

"Those that stayed behind didn't of course." The door was opened and the raven slipped past him, heading to the right of the corridor behind it.

More members?

… Somehow that revelation put the blond off. It was weird because, shouldn't he be glad there were more people here that knew a thing or two about the titans and could help maybe? But no, instead he found himself almost… being annoyed by that.

He thought Izaya was the only one to-

No, nevermind.

Shaking his head really hard the blond chose away the thought that was almost surfacing in his mind.

No, the more people the better.

Following the flea quickly, the door slipped shut behind them taking away the few rays of light that had managed to illuminate the hallway.

A pleasant smell was suddenly starting to fill the blond´s nose and curiosity was taking the best of him. The flea was already up ahead, a door being at the end of the corridor. His hand was resting on the door handle as he turned around with a grin.

"You ready?"

To be honest the blond didn't know whether he was. This was the first time he heard about recruiters staying behind from missions, he always thought they left as a whole group.

What kind of people were they going to be?

His question was answered sooner than he thought it would be- because the moment the flea opened the door he was facing nothing but chaos-

"Kishitani-sensei one disappeared beneath the shelf!"

"Beneath the shelf?!"

"Beneath the table too!"

"AHH IT'S HERE-!"

Chaos. Utter chaos, really Shizuo wouldn't have had a better word to describe the scene. Kadota, Yumasaki and Erika were running around in circles bumping into each other every now and then- baskets and towels were at hands- A guy seemed to be crawling beneath the table as an audible bump followed by a curse lifted the whole thing for a second.

And then there was one more dude clothed entirely in white, a mask on his face, doing squats in the back of the room while swinging flags with the letter "go for it" on them-

"I saw one run that way!" Karisawa was shouting when her eyes finally fell on the two standing in the door frame.

"Ah- Izaya~!" The moment she mentioned the two Yumasaki rushed over to the two, "Close the door!"

_***Bam*** _

Barely having been able to avoid the shutting door slamming into him the blond had quickly stepped aside.

"Karisawa? What's going on here?" Izaya was the first to question that as this whole scenario seemed like one huge chaos.

"We met this strange doctor here on his way down to the laboratories and he carried this huge cage filled with mice," Karisawa explained, her eyes eagerly searching the ground again. "He said they were going to be used for scientific purposes."

It was then that something fluffy and cute rushed right between her feet making the girl shriek-

The raven sighed, rubbing his temples.

"Let me guess, he somehow let them free?" Honestly- there he was one time hoping for his team to appear at least somewhat sane and then he got this.

"How did you know?" Karisawa grinned already on to catch the escapees.

"I'm confused-" Shizuo announced, making the raven sigh again. "I would be too if i were you," he mumbled almost inaudibly as he walked over to the strange guy in his laboratory coat.

"Let me introduce you, this is Shingen Kishitani, leading operator of the scientific unit," he explained, pointing at the guy in white.

The doctor stopped doing his weird gymnastics to twist and look at the blond.

"Oh- are you the new one?" Shizuo cringed, that guy was so weird, he sent chills down his back, not of fear but just… he didn't know. If he didn't know it better he would say the guy was grinning beneath his mask. "I heard about that strength of yours~" he chirped on, passing Izaya so he could shuffle over to Shizuo taking a close up look at him before suddenly leaning up to his ear. "Ne ne can you do me a favor?" The blond already backed away at the way he whispered into his ear. And suddenly he saw something silver, something long and sharp and-

"What?" Suddenly there was a needle at his arm-

"Give me your blood." The doctor didn't even have time to shriek that´s how fast the punch had met his face and sent him flying into the opposing wall of the room. The blond was heaving completely bewildered and just- what the hell?!

"Now that was one direct answer~!" the guy laughed while peeling himself out of that wall.

"What the hell is wrong with this guy?!" the blond barked, checking his arm if that retard had actually managed to sting him.

"As you might have guessed he has a few screws loose up there," Izaya merely shrugged, seeming as though this was not the first time he saw something like this happening.

"Which leads me to his son and second head in charge-" Izaya announced further crouching down onto the floor as he glanced beneath the huge table in the middle of the room.

And suddenly there was another guy, coming forth from the desk. Glasses hanging loosely from his face and dust collecting on his knees.

"Ah did you bring the new one Izaya?" That voice-

"May I introduce you to this guy here," Izaya said, pointing towards the guy who was now looking at Shizuo. "Shinra Kishitani. He is part of my team as well."

No way in hell.

"Shinra?!" No mistake, that white coat, those glasses it had been years and yet-

"Shizuo~! Damn it's been long hasn't it?"

A surprised expression decorated the raven´s face as he looked back and forth between the crazy scientist and the brute.

"What you know him?"

"How do _you_ know him?" Shizuo fired back, obviously just as surprised as the raven- the only one not seeming all that surprised was Shinra actually.

"Shinra is our main investigator of titans. He dissects them, studies them, tries to find to how they work and why they eat us," Izaya explained to the blond, revealing how the two were connected.

"After I left Shiganshina I transferred to wall Maria, Shizuo and me went to the same school for a while," Shinra grinned in delight, he was obviously pretty damn happy seeing the both of them here. "remember how I wanted to introduce a friend to you?" he questioned making the blond frown for a second before blinking in realization- right.

There was one time the brunette kept bugging him about having to meet someone. They never got the chance to though actually.

"The asshole?" he asked, remembering quite well how Shinra had only talked ill about that friend of his.

Eagerly nodding the brunette grinned while getting up from the ground to wipe the dust of his coat and adjust his glasses properly.

"Yeah, that was Izaya, but obviously he never had time to drop by so you never actually did meet."

"Shinra how come you address me so defile when I´m not around?" the raven questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"It's not like I address you any better when you are around though~"

Ahh, somehow there was this nostalgic feeling overwhelming the blond for a tiny moment. Ever since Wall Maria broke nothing had been the same, but now that he saw Shinra here, the same happy chirpy crazy Shinra he used to know he felt as though he was set back in time.

He couldn't help but smile at the way Shinra seemed to not only drive him insane but also the flea.

"So basically we are all friends now right?" the brunette announced, making both, Izaya and Shizuo look at each other in what seemed to be a perfect agreement.

"I wouldn't exactly call us friends Shinra."

it was then that the door they had entered the room from opened again. A guy was standing there, a scar across his eye raising an eyebrow at the chaos still going on inside the room.

"What´s going on here again?" he questioned as Karisawa dashed by with her basket jumping at whatever she had seen on the ground.

"Akabayashi-san, it's rare for you to visit," Izaya announced, shuffling over to the man.

The blond scanned the man from head to toe. He seemed more collected than the rest of the crazy crew, that was for sure. Maybe he was someone from the upper heads? the way he behaved and looked at all of them made him feel as though he was- especially the way Izaya seemed to respect the man. He hadn't particularly seen anyone yet the raven actually paid respects to.

"I heard of the stunt you pulled at the recruiting exam- is this the guy?" the man suddenly asked, looking towards Shizuo. A staff was to his left, supporting him with each step he took. It made the blond frown a bit as he wondered just what had caused the man to get injured. maybe he had been in the survey corps too? Maybe he survived barely and this was just another injury left from the titans?

"Heard you can't use the gear at all boy," the man spoke, now facing the blond from a close distance.

"Ah… yeah," the blond mumbled. He was kinda speechless, what was he supposed to say? That he had no idea what the heck he should be doing? Or how he was going to survive going out there? Hell he knew he was going to be pretty damn useless in an actual fight against the titans by now and having this man here inspect him made him feel as though he didn't belong here in the first place.

"And you are as strong as the rumors say?" he continued further, scanning the blond.

"He just threw me across the room into that wall with a single punch so I can attest to that!" the creepy doctor chirped suddenly way too fucking close as the blond snapped his head to the right, they guy already next to him with that creepy needle again-

"Me too, he has been like that since forever," Shinra agreed while hitting the man with what seemed to be a pan.

… and no one seemed to give a fuck. Honestly just what was wrong with the people here?

"I see," the man mumbled, finally turning around to face Izaya again.

The blond couldn't help but feel as though he had seen this guy before. No, not seen, he would have recognized this kind of man anytime- but still he seemed familiar for some reason.

"Akabayashi-san?" a small voice coming from the door the man had entered through made him twist his head towards the entrance. A little girl was standing there, both hands on the door frame, she seemed shy, her eyes were hidden partly by black bangs covering her face.

"Ah I'm coming," the man spoke friendly, almost gentle, opposing the so authoritarian impression he had given from the moment he had entered this room.

"Well then, I will leave, continue with-... whatever you are doing here," he said with a smile glancing at the chaos and walked back to the door.

"Understood~" Shinra chirped obviously not in the slightest intimidated by the man- then again there were probably few things the brunette even gave a fuck about to begin with.

"Two more belong to the scientific unit, that would be a woman called Namie Yagiri, pretty skilled on her field of work, and now Kadota´s friend Togusa," the raven simply went on as the door slipped shut again, acting as though the guy hadn't even been here just now.

For a moment Shizuo wanted to ask who this was, why he was here, but then he decided if it were important Izaya would tell him. And if not he would just tease or annoy him for not knowing who that was. it was only then that he noticed just what name Izaya had just spoken about.

"Togusa?" he repeated remembering the guy in Kadota's gang far too well. "What is he doing in the scientific unit?" he didn't mean to offend anyone, but that guy wasn't exactly the brightest light in the casket.

"Nothing scientific. He serves as the bait for the titans," Izaya shrugged. Ah, that certainly explained a lot. Wait-

"What?" But Izaya had already stopped listening to the blond as his attention shifted to the three idiots still chasing the mice instead. Feeling a bit lost in this chaos the blond could merely watch him as he told the three to let the doctor catch his mice alone and that they should get prepared for tomorrow´s mission instead.

…. heh, tomorrow already. Somehow Shizuo´s guts churned the slightest thinking about how they were going to go outside the walls.

"Nervous?" it was Shinra who had asked that, making Shizuo snap out of his thoughts as he twisted to look at the brunette fellow instead.

Ah, despite being so weird the guy had always been more perceptive than people might think.

"What exactly are you working on?" Shizuo asked, not wanting to talk about tomorrow-

The question seemed to be fatal though as the man's eyes started to glitter in a weird fashion and he grinned at the blond.

"I´m glad that you ask~ We have some top priority secret stuff down here," he announced chirping, his expression taking on a somewhat dreamish impression.

"Down where?" The way Shinra grinned- it couldn't be anything good that was sure.

"You want to see it?" the doctor smiled, already walking to another door inside the room. See? To be honest Shizuo wasn't so sure if he really wanted to see what Shinra was working on.

"Ah are you visiting the laboratory?" And then Izaya was already back, joining the conversation and Shizuo felt even more like he didn't want to see what Shinra was doing. And yet- curiosity was taking the best of him.

"Sure-"

Just what was he going to see?

**heyo my lovely cookies~! *0* xDDD lmao this chapter was a good mix of comedy and mystery xD heheh anyone got an Idea what Shinra might be working on? C: I will drop a hint- it´s something he** _**loves.** _

**Also, hey hey, peeps I started a twitter account xD I dunno if anyone of you has twitter, but if you do, I'm posting tiny lil spoilers for chapters and previews on pictures I´m drawing and hmmmmm lemme think, well just random shit in between I guess xD Oh and I'm also twittering about delays of chapters and stuff xD -hopefully those won't appear too often- -coughs- xD**

**Just search for "Shirohimesstories or Shirosstories", I dunno cuz one time twitter made me cut my penname short xDD**

**Anyway~ See you next chapter C:**

**That will be updated ooonnn lemme think- 18th September xD**

**See you all~! C:**

**For the peeps that don't know me too well.:**

I never drop any stories I'm writing~ (tho I am almost always late a day updating in exchange lmao) I try to update every 14 days tho C:

I draw pictures~ Which you can see on: tapastic /twitter

And I upload speed drawings once in a while on youtube C:

For links head to mah profile~


	9. -๑-๑ ஜ ๑- Laboratory titans -๑ ஜ ๑-๑-

 

**-Shizuo´s point of view.-**

To be honest Shizuo wasn't entirely sure whether he still wanted to know what Shinra was keeping in this basement of his or not. Knowing the doctor it could be anything from disturbing to amazing.

Step after step they headed down and it didn't take them long to reach the end of the staircase. Light was emitting from the end of it and before the blond knew it he was inside what seemed like a basement.

A room, way bigger than he would have expected to exist beneath the building was suddenly in front of his eyes- and three just as large tents, reaching up to the ceiling.

"If I may introduce you, this is my favourite~" Shinra chirped while Shizuo was still busy taking in his surroundings, the tables, the weird as fuck medical supplies placed everywhere and the people, obviously some kind of assistants that were pausing their work to look back at them.

Quickly averting his gaze the blond searched for the brunette who had just disappeared inside one of the three tents.

"What is that?" he asked with a soft frown, somehow having a bad feeling about this.

"Titans," the raven merely replied, leaving the blond a bit flabbergasted at the statement.

"What?" but Izaya had already brushed a part of the tent aside as he slipped into it.

Quickly Shizuo followed up not wanting to fall behind and slipped inside the tent as well-  
And really.

With wide eyes he faced nothing but exactly what the raven had said.

A titan.

Large, gigantic- and surprisingly calm it was sitting in front of them- wires, threads chains and some more kind of restraints were keeping the creature at bay as it did nothing but groan softly.

But that was not the most distinguishing feature about it, no.

It had no head-

A tiny lamp, which Shizuo had no idea where he had gotten it from this quick, was being held by Shinra as he grinned towards the blond.

"The head has been chopped off, but there has been no change ever since! Isn't she a beauty?"

Okay-...

So, he always knew Shinra wasn't exactly a normal person- anyone could have affirmed that no matter who he asked, but this… this was weird on an entirely new level-

Groans were filling the air and voices argued loudly as the brunette took a few steps towards the titan-

A headless titan- needless to say.

"If I might introduce you, Shizuo, this is Celty. Celty, this is Shizuo."

It wasn't even the brunette's joy that was freaking the blond out just a tiny little bit, but rather the thing in itself.

He wasn't going to judge though, because no matter what he thought about this thing, Shinra was free to have his own opinion about it. He didn't give him any weird looks back when they were still together at school when he brought parts of a corpse to dissect instead of frogs saying he already did the frogs and wanted to widen his horizon either, so why would he now?

No, with Shinra it had always been easy to just view the topic as finished as soon as Shinra said it was something scientifically related.

What did creep him out a bit however, was that the thing still moved.

With the corpse parts and frogs that had been okay, but the titan was way bigger than Shinra and even though it had no head Shizuo could already see it grasp for the brunette and try to kill him with a nice grab of his.

It unsettled him just a bit.

"How-"

"Is it alive?" Shinra finished his sentence before Shizuo was able to ask. Shoving his glasses back in place a grin spread across Shinra´s lips. "You see, that's the fascinating thing about her, we don´t know how she is still alive." Sudden movement made the blond take an instinctive step back as the creature suddenly tried moving within its restraints.

A soft groan, or was it a whine emitted from her .. throat? how was the creature even able to give off any noise at all? It was extremely disturbing to say the least.

"Ah we better leave, she doesn't like light all too much you know," Shinra chirped and with that the light was extinguished- quicker than he would have liked to the blond took the few steps back he had taken before to get out of the tent.

Being inside there with at least some light had been already creepy enough as it was, but in the dark?

A shudder was running down his back when he got out of the tent still. Shinra on the other hand was taking his time, same for the raven.

"As you could see the neck has been cut, the head severed, any titan would have died after this kind of injury, but not this one, no. Which is why she is my favourite of course~!" Shinra rambled on, putting the extinguished lamp next to the tent as he continued with no care.

Twisting his head once more the blond looked back at the tent. it was now moving softly, barely noticeable.

It was probably trying to go after the brunette to quit its starving and swallow the doctor as a whole.

It unsettled the blond tremendously.

"You said that titan can´t break free, you are sure of that?" he questioned, causing the doctor who had still been rambling nonstop to pause in his rant.

"Of course, otherwise I wouldn't be working with it," Shinra merely answered with a grin on his lips, a grin that someone might have mistook for a grin of childishness, but no. Shizuo could spot that unusual serious glint in Shinra's eyes that told him he was answering him in all seriousness after all. Which was relieving him to say the least.

"Want to get the hell out of here yet?" the raven suddenly snorted making the blond revert his attention back to the said man.

He was pointing towards the tent they had just been inside of. The one where the headless titan was.

Izaya was obviously asking whether he was actually up to meet these creatures head on and without being restrained outside on the battlefield again.

Seeing how he was grinning he already knew the answer though.

"Of course not." Shizuo replied, something else catching his attention midway however.

The assistants he had seen upon entering the small basement were scurrying along a couple tables on the other side of the room.

They had kept sending glances over to them the whole time, but now they were talking as well- and one particular sentence his ears caught did not amuse him.

"Creepy isn't he?" a random guy whispered into the ear of another who just nodded with a snort whispering something back while looking at no one else but Shinra.

The brunette was next to Celty´s tent carrying something that looked like a notepad and scribbling word onto it.

A frown easing up onto Shizuo's expression he glared at the guys- he was about to walk over and ask them what they were talking about but a certain someone surprisingly beat him to it.

"Did you say something?" Izaya was suddenly walking past him and directly into the direction of the assistants. Almost instantly the volks grew pale and stopped muttering whatever nonsense they were spouting.

"No, I didn't, sir."

The men were bowing in devotion reminding Shizuo just once more that the flea really was someone important inside this walls. Or was it because of the rumors? The thought that these people might as well be after the raven for something he didn't even do made the blond´s blood boil every single time he remembered that fact.

"What?" the raven suddenly asked, snapping the blond out of his thoughts. He hadn't noticed he had been staring at the raven.

"Nothing." It was only then that the blond noticed that Shinra was gone- or well, rather gone back inside that tent of his doing what he loved the most.

Surveilling alien and potentially dangerous creatures.

"Well, I guess that´s everyone you need to know," the raven announced as he turned around, heading back to the set of stairs they had been walking down before.

Wait all of them?

"What about the others? Those who got accepted?" Shizuo questioned, following right up- his hand was gliding along the cold wall´s surface, well at least it was until he brushed what he deemed to be a spider net.

"... Shizu-chan, trust me," the raven suddenly said, stopping in his tracks and almost making the blond walk right into his back at the sudden motion. He had been too busy looking at his hand to get the web off to pay attention. "It´s better if you don't get to know them too well," the raven finished, and somehow, there was something lingering inside the raven´s eyes that made the blond think as though Izaya cared way more about what was happening outside the walls then he was letting on.

He had told him about their deaths as if it were nothing, as if he had already forgotten about them, something that wasn´t out of the ordinary, but this glance was more than just annoyance over losing potentially good recruits.

"Because they will die?" he questioned, hitting the nail on the head just as he had thought.

"Most probably, yes."

…

He wondered why the raven was doing what he was doing. For the first time since he had entered the corps actually. Shizuo knew why he was here, he was doing it for his brother, he wanted to keep him alive at all costs, but Izaya? Why was he doing this?

"Are you showing them around later too?" he found himself asking, wondering if everyone was shown around the place like he was, but the raven quickly shook his head with something that almost seemed like a smile.

"Nope, that service is something only you received, feel honoured I´m wasting my time on you." The blond paused in his steps a soft frown creasing through his forehead as he looked at the raven.

"Why?" Izaya turned around to look at the blond, he tilted his head questioning though obviously not getting what the blond was getting on.

"I mean why are you doing that?" Shizuo explained, "Showing me around and stuff." Why only him, was the exact question on his mind, but he had a feeling he wouldn't quite receive a response if he put it that way.

The raven hummed, "Well, because you are special obviously," he announced with a shrug, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Because of my strength?" Shizuo asked further, following the raven that was now continuing to climb up the staircase.

"Who knows?" he mumbled, although it was too quiet for the blond to have heard it, and the raven knew that much.

"Anyway," Izaya continued this time loud enough for the blond to hear, "let's get ready for dinner. You don't want to eat in the hall like this, do you?"

Oh- it was only now that Shizuo noticed just what he looked like- from their previous training he was still covered in dirt and sweat, his clothes were torn here and there as well- to be honest he was quite surprised none of the other recruits had said something about that. "Ah, yeah-" he mumbled, head in the clouds and eyes settled on those belts-

Dread filled him as he realized that he had fucked up quite a bit there- how was he supposed to use the maneuver gear properly or any way at all if he didn't even get how this system worked?

Black hair suddenly entering his vision startled the blond greatly as izaya had approached him more quiet than a cat.

"Say- what did you do with your maneuver gear?" Shame was making itself noticeable as the blond remained quiet- what was he supposed to say? That he fucekd it up?

Looking at the various straps and metal part wrecked and bent in a way that certainly wasn't how they were supposed to be treated the raven snorted amused.

"It´s completely destroyed-" he snorted, looking at one strap in particular that seemed to have pissed the blond off more than the others. it was ripped trice and reattached by unprofessional looking knots that seemed like they were going to fall apart any moment anyway.

"Not destroyed, just… a bit modified maybe.." Shizuo tried in a useless attempt of worming his way out of this situation but ah-

"A bit? Shizu-chan you just ripped the gear apart and tied the straps together," Izaya laughed wondering just how bad the blond´s temper was.

"Putting it on annoyed me okay?!" Shizuo tried to defend himself, but even to his own ears that kinda excuse sounded stupid.

God damn did that guy always have to see when he fucked shit up?

"Why am I not surprised?" Izaya sighed, although he couldn't deny being amused by the blond. It was somewhat refreshing to have the blond around. When was the last time Izaya was actually able to laugh this freely about anything?

"Pull it off and throw it away, tomorrow morning I will give you a new one and show you how to put it on correctly," the raven suddenly announced nonchalantly, making the blond snap his head up again to meet his stare.

"You'll _show_ me?" he repeated- feeling as though he was being treated like a little kid that was too stupid to tie its own shoes- and yet, well guck he couldn´t even blame the flea for it because he really was too stupid to tie his own shit.

"Yes. I expect you to come to my room though, I'm not fetching you again. 6am sharp." Izaya continued, finally leaving off the belts on Shizuo's body as he took a step back and turned around. They had reached the dining room they had been in before, Karisawa and co seemed to have managed to catch the mice that had escaped, because now there was not a single soul inside the room.

Turning around the raven threw one more glance towards the blond, "And Shizu-chan," he said, "don't be late~"

**to be continued~ ohohoh anyone hyped to see Izaya help Shizuo put that belt on? xDDD ohohoho all those straps- this will be fun to write lmao xD I recently (coughs in august) was on an anime convention and cosplayed as Sasha from Shingeki no kyojin and oh my god xD my friend and me took over half and an hour together to get the belts on and in the right place xD With(!) an instruction on how to do it lmao xDDD**

**That shit is confusing I swear xD**

**now ahhh, I'm so sorry for taking so long to update- for all my fics actually x'D**

**The thing is university started in October and I kinda had the crazy idea that i could pull off going to all the various first lessons and study and shit right off the bat without losing too much time to write-... yah xDDDDD as you might have guessed things didn't turn out as smoothly as I thought they would and i was just stressing through the days busy running to all the lectures visiting (and FINDING xD) all those silly lectures and ahhhhh-**

**but now i am really back on track again xD  
Sowy for the long delay C: **

**So i had the following idea: I will FINISH**

" **A single touch" and**

" **Behind closed doors"**

**before updating the other stories again-hides in fear because YES that means the next SnS update will be pretty late again x'D**

**please don't kill me- and to soothe your rage, this will also mean I can regularly update SnS way faster than up till now xD**

**Now, for all those cookies who are too lazy to take a look at my profile, there you go, the entire updating schedule for the next two months:**

**NOVEMBER 2017**

Sinful Desire(19/~30)

13th November 2017

The wish to disappear (45/~60)

17th November 2017

A single touch (11/14)

21st November 2017

A single touch (12/14)

25th November 2017

A single touch (13/14)

28th November 2017

**DECEMBER 2017**

A single touch (14/14)

1st December 2017

Behind closed doors (27/31)

5th December 2017

Behind closed doors (28/31)

8th December 2017

Behind closed doors (29/31)

11th December 2017

Behind closed doors (30/31)

14th December 2017

Behind closed doors (31/31)

17th December 2017

Sinful Desire(20/~30)

20th December 2017

Let it snow (3/3)

24th December 2017

Survival of the doomed (31/~45)

27th December 2017

**Shingeki no Shizuo (10/~40)**

**30th December 2017**

**Well then, please don't kill me and- see you x'DDDD**

**PS.: Don´t forget on 24th the last part of "let it snow" will be updated C;**


	10. --๑-๑ ஜ ๑- Survive, Shizu-chan -๑ ஜ ๑-๑--

**\---Shizuo´s point of view.---**

So there he was. 

6 am- sharp. And god damn this was an ungodly hour to be awake in yet. Feeling a yawn come up his throat the bond tried to suppress it as the door to the captain's room opened with a creak. 

“Hoh, I'm surprised, you are actually punctual,” the flea mused with a hint of amusement at the tired sight in front of his room. 

“You said 6 am sharp,” Shizuo mumbled, although not hostile, because after all… he was here because the flea was actually willing to help him. 

Stepping into the room he noticed it wasn't much different from all the others actually- the same empty room, just one desk, a bed and a window facing the wall. 

Somehow he had expected the raven to have a somewhat… special room? He had no idea what that would look like, but given that Izaya was the captain he had thought he would get something more adequate to his rank. 

“Do pay attention when I put this on you, alright? I don't have as many spares of this as you might think I do,” the raven suddenly said, having opened the drawer of a cupboard behind the door and pulled one of those dreaded belts out- well actually it looked like a pile of belts thrown together. 

“... okay,” awkward the blond shifted, wondering whether he was supposed to sit- or stand? He had caught a glance of Kadota putting the lather on, he had been doing both depending on which part he was at from these uncountable straps. 

But with Izaya? 

“What are you waiting for Shizu-chan?” the raven suddenly snorted, as the blond was still standing at the door, not really doing anything but staring. 

Unfreezing the blond walked up to the raven, not quite sure yet whether this would be annoying, embarrassing awkward or all of the above. 

Crouching down to adjust the belts starting on Shizuo´s thighs he had his answer pretty fast. 

Embarassing. 

“Shizu-chan, hold still,” the raven scolded as the blond involuntarily shifted a bit when the raven got this close. Jerking and pulling shutting the snaps on the belts the flea was really doing nothing but put those shitty belts on him, but god damn did he have to keep glancing up at him all the time to make sure he really was paying attention. 

It was awkward to say the least to have the flea crouch between his legs like this- 

“Embarassed?” the raven questioned and for a second the blond feared he might have said those thoughts out loud just now. 

That wasn't the case though. 

“I would be too if I had to have my upper dress me up,” he cooed, only causing the hint of shame Shizuo felt to increase. 

Izaya wasn't even talking about the thoughts that really were racing through the blond´s mind. 

“Heh, you are pretty well endowed aren't you?” And of fucking course the flea had to say shit like that while he was fixing those fucking stupid straps leading up to his hips and across his abdomen. 

“Can you please just fix this shit,” the blond groaned embarrassed, swearing to himself that he would get this shit right the next time so the flea would never ever have to dress him again like that. 

“Shizu-chan you have to watch or else I will have to do this again,” the raven sighed, getting just the slightest bit annoyed with how childish the blond was behaving. 

Well then again considering that he needed to dress the blond that much was probably already given. 

Not moving an inch the blond´s eyes tried to focus on the various belts- and not the flea that was touchy feely moving his hands all over his body- as the agonizing minutes passed in what seemed like hours. 

“There, done”, he announced, getting up again from the crouching position as he checked his own belts one more time. 

“I sure hope you memorized the steps on how to take them on, I'm not going to do it for you again,” he announced, looking up and down the blond to make sure he didn't forget any of the belts. Putting them on onto his own body was something he was used to, but this? 

Honestly, he was wasting way too much time with the blond. But given the change of events. 

“You are good to go like that for today,” he mumbled, nodding to himself as if to assure his own worries. 

“For today?” the blond repeated, not liking the sound of that. He made it sound as though Shizuo was going to need the belts- “We aren't going to train at the wall again are we?” he questioned remembering all too well just how long he had taken to merely get into the same spot on the wall Izaya had been in. 

A soft chuckle followed as the raven shook his head. 

“No, Shizu-chan I don't have that much time to spare for you, sorry,” he sighed, and honestly speaking, he would have probably prefered going out to try and teach the untalented brute some things. “We are going on a mission.”

Silence blackened the blond´s expression as he let the words pass through his head. 

“What-” A mission? That meant going out- leaving the relatively safe inside of the wall. 

“... already?” he found himself asking although he already knew the flea wouldn't have told him that sort of thing if it weren't true. 

“Leutnant Akabayashi informed me earlier, the situation has become a bit dire so we have to head out sooner than anticipated,” Izaya shrugged, “Well not like there is anything I could teach you with those balancing skills of yours.” A grin was added to his expression, but somehow it dropped when he looked at the blondś face. 

He didn't look all too hyped about the fact that they had to leave. Sure, Izaya hadn't exactly expected Shizu-chan to react like all the other stupid humans. Shizuo wasn't going to jump in joy hearing he had to face these monsters. 

But the hint of devastation in Shizu-chan´s eyes somehow tugged at the raven in an unpleasant way. 

“I'm going to die out there right?” It wasn't a question. 

It was a statement. Not one of a man that had given up, no that wasn't it, Shizu-chan didn't sound like he was going to let himself be defeated easily, but it was this hint of finality, like he just knew how high his chances were against the titans. 

… 

Well Izaya had to admit he didn't exactly do much to give the blond any different hopes. 

Dropping the smile the raven´s expression grew serious again, yet … soft. 

“Not necessarily,” he spoke but the blond merely snorted at that. 

“Don't kid me I can't even use the maneuver gear.” Shizuo already knew his chances. 

Being out there, when everyone was able to fly with their gears and still didn't survive, how high could his chances be? 

Right, incredibly slim. 

“You think you are the only one with a flaw?” Lifting his gaze that he hadn't noticed had travelled to the ground he looked at the raven. 

“I bet you don't have any at least, you are the boss of the survey corps the only one ever surviving, hell you will probably be the only one again.” The flea´s arms were crossed, his expression serious, stern, as he sighed. 

He had seen it too often, people getting scared, being afraid of what was to come. 

There was no need to mention how these people behaved in front of the titans in an actual battle. 

“Are you scared?” 

“No.” Surprised the raven blinked, not having expected the answer. 

“No?” he repeated- wondering what that frown on the blond´s forehead meant instead as it grew deeper. 

“I'm just pissed off,” Shizuo announced, and hell, he was. Knowing just how useless he was going to be and what a disappointment to his brother-

A heartfelt burst of laughter made the blond snap out of his frown as he blinked. 

“Pissed off at dying?” the raven repeated, his arms wrapped around his body as he shook in laughter. “That´s a first, I have never heard anyone being angry about dying,” he commented, tears springing to his eyes as he tried to calm down again. but it was just too hilarious. 

Really, of all the reasons someone would be appalled to go outside the walls and die, getting angry over it was none of them. 

Then again it was probably understandable,  it was because of his brother wasn't it? 

honestly just how selfless could this guy be? 

“You are really unpredictable,” the raven found himself mumbling as he took a deep breath. 

It was alluring to say the least. Giving up this much just to say his sibling, huh? 

It was impressive- worthy of respect. 

“I can't cut through the neck,” Izaya announced, making the blond´s confused expression only grow even more perplexed. 

“What?” 

“The titans,” he repeated, pointing to his own neck as if to help and visualize his word for the blond. 

“What you lack in agility I lack in strength,” he explained, “when I swing them at their neck I always hit them twice in the same place to actually cut through.” 

It was true. Aiming, running, getting from point A to point B, that was definitely his strength, but the close up fight was not. 

“It's not like anyone ever noticed because I do it fast,” he continued, “But in the worst case scenario that brink of a second could cost me my life.” 

Taking in the piece of information Shizuo had been given he could do nothing but stare at the raven for a few seconds. 

“Does anyone know that?” he asked- 

“Didn't you listen Shizu-chan? I said no one noticed,” the snort followed, but that wasn't what the blond was so astonished about. It was the fact that Izaya had just told him that. 

“The point is everyone has a flaw Shizu-chan, no one is perfect, nor does the perfect fight exist, you will always be at a disadvantage in some way against these creatures,” the raven continued, his gaze serious but voice soft. “Be it the terrain or your own skill there is always a limitation. So know what you  _ can _ do is your best bet to survive,” he explained and placed his hand onto Shizuo´s chest. 

Right above his heart- 

“Trust in your strength, go with your instincts.” I the middle of a battle Izaya knew it was about the best advice he could give the blond. “If you feel a titan is too dangerous to approach, don't do it, if something is odd about the situation or the titan itself, don't approach it, if you have even the slightest insecurity about attacking one of them or running into a certain direction, back off.” 

So many people had died because they were ordered to attack a certain titan, go up a certain tree, or stay on the ground for a certain period of time. 

That's why he wasn't giving out any orders anymore. He was sick of the feeling that clutched his mind after telling a soldier to run only to have him get stomped upon by another titan. 

“You have a pretty good intuition Shizu-chan,”  Izaya said, taking the hand off again, not breaking the eye contact yet though. “Given you trust it I´m actually quite convinced you have the potential to survive.” The hint of a smile spreading across his expression he shrugged, “Maybe not take many titans down, but survive.” 

… 

Shizuo didn't really know what to say- He was kinda speechless. 

When Izaya was teasing him or being a sarcastic flea it was easy to brush him off or get angry and respond with rage, but when he was this straight out honest- it just reminded him that he indeed was the leader of the survey corps, despite the rumors spreading around people trying to kill him this man had seen and experienced so much more than he could even imagine. 

He felt as though he was being praised, but responding with a thank you wasn't what the raven wanted to hear- he wasn't saying these things to get gratitude, he was saying them to help the blond survive. 

“Running, huh?” Shizuo tried to imagine it, the things Izaya had said they sounded like he was used to do them. Run, leave the situation if it got too fishy or dangerous. 

But for Shizuo… 

“I don't know if I could do that,” he replied honestly. “If someone were about to be eaten by a titan, I couldn't just run away just because I doubt I could beat it.” There was no way he could just let them die without a care- just imagining someone screaming for his help and denying the same was a disturbingly haunting imagination. 

“Then that's your decision as well.” Raising his head again the blond blinked.

“What?” 

Izaya didn't seem angry. 

“If you can't live with the thought of having let someone die while knowing you might have saved them then it's better if you go than to cloud your mind with false regret,” he said- and Izaya couldn't help but feel a hint of desperation on the back of his throat. Like a lump it was starting to form. 

“I won´t tell you to abandon anyone. It's what I do and have come to terms with.” He knew it, deep down, even if he told the blond to act like he wanted to, he knew that trying to save someone out there was about as much as a suicide mission. 

But somehow he couldn't get his lips to move, to tell or rather order the blond to leave everyone behind- he could tell him to stay alive for his brother and yet… 

Was he really this intrigued with the blond that he didn't even want to manipulate him easily like this? 

He didn't want to warp the blond- heh, that was a first. 

“Captain Orihara.” Having startled the blond the door of the raven's room had opened with a creak. 

“Sorry, Shizu-chan, that's it for today,” the raven announced as the guy the blond had met before was standing in the door frame. A scar across his right eye he was looking at Shizuo again sending a shiver down his spine for some reason. 

Not one of fear, however, rather one of authority. 

“Meeting is in one hour at the wall,” Izaya announced as he walked past the blond- noticing that he was supposed to leave the raven's room the blond quickly took some hasty steps forward out into the hallway. 

Followed by the raven who locked the door it was but one more glance that Izaya threw at him before turning around to follow the scar eyed man down the corridor. 

Preparing for the mission... most probably. 

 

**To be continued~ xD**

**hoho things are gonna get interesting now C: They are leaving the wall~! xD well almost xD depending on how far I get with the next chapter´s plot they might still be on it- or about to leave? Let's see xD But aw omg I love writing Izaya with so much authority and charisma *^***^* Lol that's why I love writing this story xDDD**

  
  


**On a different matter, people! I am curious!**

I had the feeling the Shizaya fandom was growing smaller and I haven't been updating a lot recently so I was wondering how many of you are still reading or interested in this story/the pairing so I asked in sotd and dang xD

I was pretty surprised how many people were actually still there reading and all xD 

Lol now I got curious which of my stories is the most popular at the moment C: So:  

 

**////// if YOU are reading this story/////**

**///////leave me a “Still there buddy” in the comments x’D ////////**

**I decided that the story with the most readers on both ff and Ao3 will be getting DOUBLE updates from now on!! xD**

 

On “Survival of the doomed” it were 53 people- (holy fuck?! O.O) so far 

**Well then, see ya in the next update on 4th February with the result~! :3**

**PS.:** I have been thinking of starting a little doodle drawing sketch shit thing on my instagram account, (in February) so if ya wanna check that out (again in february lol there is still time till then xD)  

**thefeather_shirohimesstories**

that's my name on there xD

 


	11. --๑-๑ ஜ ๑- What do you do, Shizu-chan? -๑ ஜ ๑-๑--

 

**\---Shizuo´s point of view.---**

Warily Shizuo´s eyes travelled back and forth between the men on the wall. Most of them were strangers, people he never saw before, not even at the training ground, and then there were the few familiar faces he recognized among them. 

He could see Karisawa and Yumasaki, sure he had never been hanging out with them all that much but he knew they were Kadota´s friends. 

And he was there too of course, talking to a doctor- maybe being a doctor himself and all Kadota was going to take care of them outside? In case they got injured or something? 

It was then that the medic in white turned around and faced the blond. 

“Shinra?” Shizuo questioned instinctively as the bespectacled friend grinned up at him.  

“Ah, Shizuo~!” 

Perplex the blond looked at the bespectacled as he approached him with one of that flashing smiles of his.  

“What are you doing here?” the blond questioned, for a short moment thinking that maybe Shinra was going to join them on the mission. 

“Oh, just a quick check up on the team,” Shinra replied instead though answering the blond´s silent question. 

“Woohoo, I can't wait to kill these bastards!” frowning the blond twisted his head, facing some other guys entering the scene. One of them seemed like one of the thugs he used to beat up back in wall maria. A scar was decorating his expression and some sort of hammer was attached to his back as he looked past the wall with a couple of what Shizuo deemed were probably his friends. 

“I will take them down one after the other!” he boasted, echoing laughter joining his own as his friends were obviously just as crazy as that idiot. 

“Wanna bet who will get the most?” one of his friends questioned- 

“Hah you bet!” another said. 

Shizuo could do nothing but frown deeply at the stupid conversation they were holding. What the hell did they think there were doing? Heading for a trip?Something fun? An amusement trip outside to the titans? this was a serious matter how could they be this fucking stupid and looking forward to what was probably going to be their death?! 

“Ah, Shizuo, please don't end up knocking anyone out. They are all needed on the mission, even if they are just dead weight in the end.” Shinra suddenly said making the blond snap out of his thoughts and turn towards the brunette instead. 

“Pisses me, off,” he growled lowly. Beating these assholes up really seemed like a good option. “They are the reason everyone thinks so ill of Izaya,” he grumbled- and he knew he was right with what he said. 

It were people like these, they didn't seem like they were going to listen to any orders given my Izaya or anyone else. No the opposite, these would probably just rush at every titan they saw in the hope that they could defeat it quickly and return as heroes. 

They were so fucking stupid- Shizuo bet they had never even seen a  titan before and yet they were boasting as though they had already killed half of the monster´ s population. 

“Hoh? Don't tell me you don't think ill of him?” Shinra suddenly questioned, seeming genuinely surprised by the blond´s honest words. 

“He is taking his job way more serious than any of the people here at least,” Shizuo mumbled, “Even if he doesn't save anyone from the titans.”

… 

A moment of silence followed. Which was pretty rare for the doctor. Turning his head he looked at Shinra who was for once wearing a rather serious expression instead of one of his usually happy and chirpy ones. 

“That's not true actually,” he suddenly said, his eyes still fixed onto what was laying behind the wall though. 

“What?” Shizuo repeated, pretty sure the flea had told him that he wasn't willing to save anyone except himself on the battlefield. 

Chuckling softly the doctor sighed as his voice dropped to a low whisper. 

“The truth is, Izaya actually saved my ass when we were little.” 

Izaya saved Shinra? Surprised the blond frowned at the unexpected piece of information. 

“It was when wall Maria got broken,” the brunette started, “I was stuck beneath a rock, I got out from underneath it but both my legs were broken. Izaya ran in front of a titan and attracted its attention to lure it away.” Izaya… lured a titan away? Without any sort of maneuver gear or weapon at hand? “It was a freaking gamble that thing was way faster than him and he was really close to getting caught a lot of times. Hours passed and he was still there, he could have gotten eaten. The corps weren't coming either- we had no idea whether they even were on their way, but Izaya stayed nonetheless,” Shinra continued picturing an image of the raven the blond hadn't quite been able to imagine so far. 

Izaya was so cold, not in a bad way, it was just all the battles, the missions, even the way he treated Shizuo, he was trying to be nice but he was still keeping his distance, so hearing now about an Izaya that was trying this hard to save his friend… 

That was actually risking his life like that… 

“After a while we started to realize that no one was going to come for us,” Shinra continued, “I told Izaya to leave, but you know what he did?” Soft laughter left the doctor's lips as he remembered the memory. 

“He carried me to the boats all the way.” Right the boats. 

Shizuo could remember them. They were getting the people inside wall Rose to save them from the titans. 

“With two broken legs I was dangling from his back while he risked his life to get me there.” To be honest Shizuo was somewhat dumbfounded. 

He didn't really know what it was about the story that amazed him this much- the actions in itself were amazing, there was no doubt about that, but hearing that izaya did all of that only made it that much more amazing. 

It was somewhat… painful. Even though the story proved how much the flea cared about Shinra to risk his life for him like that it also coldly reminded him of the words izaya had told him today morning. 

_ “If you can't live with the thought of having let someone die while knowing you might have saved them then it's better if you go and possibly die than to cloud your mind with false regret and die in the next battle.”  _

Shinra was someone he couldn't have forgiven himself for if he hadn't given his all to save him. 

But that also meant, seeing how he never even tried to save anyone… he only had Shinra. He was his only friend, the only one he trusted- and all the others were just… 

A life like Izaya's… was pretty damn lonely wasn't it? Right now, the way it was, with nobody to confide in no one to laugh with or share anything with, because Shizuo knew that the survey corps stayed long on these missions. they barely spent any time inside the wall. just a fraction, to recover, that was all, and then they were forced to face a life and death situation once more. 

people dying left and right. The flea ending up alone...

“It was not only once that a titan spotted us or tried to snatch us, but Izaya never dropped me,” the brunette suddenly laughed snapping the blond out of his gloomy thoughts as he finished his story. 

“Izaya did all that?” he repeated, although it sounded less like a question and more like a statement. 

“Indeed,”  Shinra laughed, “So you see, if it's needed, Izaya gives his all to save a person he deems worth saving.” 

Glancing at his old friend Shizuo couldn't help but wonder. 

“... why are you telling me that?” It sounded somewhat personal, also proved just how close those two were despite Izaya saying he was only an old friend. 

And knowing this much about the flea… telling this to the wrong person could actually get the flea into trouble rather than getting anyone to like him. After all, shady people lived inside the wall, rotten souls that would use something like this against the raven. maybe try to blackmail him that something could happen to Shinra if he didn't do as he was being told. 

Thinking about it now the blond had to blink as he realized that maybe that was why the raven was treating the brunette friend so nonchalant and seemingly mean. 

And same for Shinra-

“No reason,” the person in questioned grinned, and he pretty damn looked as if he already knew Shizuo had understood. “It's just been long time he has been interested in anything but killing titans.” 

“LISTEN UP.” Startled the blond snapped his head towards the edge of the wall- 

there he was. 

Izaya- and next to him that guy with the scar across his right eye. Their hands were crossed behind their backs, their stance straight, intimidating even, filled with charisma. Within a time span of seconds it was quiet within the rows as their voices hallowed across the scenery. 

The scar faced man had been telling the man to quit it- now it was Izaya's turn to take one step forward and start to explain the mission. 

“We are heading to the giant forest, a group of titans has been collecting there but we have no idea why,” he started, his voice clear, unwavering, the countless humans listening to what was going to wait for them out there. 

“Our goal is to get there, investigate what they are being drawn to and come back to report,” Izaya went on, pointing towards the horizon behind his back. it was odd, because the land looked so free, there was no wall, there was nothing but nature, and yet Shizuo could already spot something in the distance, walking. And it definitely weren't animals. 

“I repeat, our goal is to investigate, not to kill them, they are all minor class and therefore not a threat to the wall- and easy to be taken out by cannons.” Annoyance was suddenly making itself noticeable as the people started to whisper and hiss to each other. 

A couple “What?” and other complains were reaching the blond´s ears, making that frown on his face only grow deeper in response. 

Whether these people died, that didn't matter. 

He knew what Izaya had tried to tell him, to make a choice. Choose which people he would try to save and which he would let die with no bat of an eyelid. Izaya wasn't cruel to think that way, it was necessary in a battle. 

A glance was thrown, Kadota was there. If a titan were about to eat him he would try to help- 

Karisawa as well. He doubted her and Yumichi would have any troubles dealing with the titans but if they had he wouldn't leave them behind. 

These shitheads should just shut the fuck up already. Izaya wasn't even done with his speech yet- but those bastards didn't seem to care- and the raven had obviously noticed this as well as he put on one of those smirks he had shown Shizuo when they first met. 

“Well then, all of you, give your best not to die.” 

Izaya was addressing all of them, but somehow Shizuo felt as though his eyes were only resting on him for a second as he glanced towards the blond for a second longer than at anybody else. 

maybe it was because Shizuo was the only one listening with earnesty, taking to heart what the raven had to tell. 

Yeah, he was taking everything to heart, weighing the words like gold on a libra. Choosing the people he wanted to return alive to the wall- people that he wouldn't leave behind because doing such would weigh on his mind forever- 

Izaya was one of them as well. 

If he were in danger he definitely wouldn't leave him behind. 

After that it was a mere matter of minutes. 

Nervousness was making itself noticeable as Shizuo snatched one of those blades, or rather two of them after noticing that he couldn't just take one. 

his stomach was doing a backflip- he looked around saw all the people, grinning, happy to go into battle, but all he could see were their faces, cringing screaming and covered in blood. 

A soft hint of nausea made itself noticeable as he got onto one of the horses. They were collecting up ahead, right in front of the gate. Honestly, his guts had never screamed at him this bad that this was a bad idea.

“Nervous?” Shizuo hadn't even noticed the raven had come up to him, that horse of his right next to the blond´s as he met the raven´s glance with a surprised flinch. 

Hell if he were anything but nervous he would probably be crazy. 

“I put you into the front,” the raven suddenly said, his voice low but still loud enough for the blond to hear. “Meaning you will be stuck with me for a while~” 

there it was again, that smirk on his lips- just how could Izaya manage to joke around like that in the face of the danger they were going to throw themselves into. 

the blond really didn't know, but somehow, knowing that the annoying flea was being there calmed him at least a bit. 

“Aw, now that sucks,” he replied clearing his throat as his voice turned raspy halfway. 

He could see the people from the Garrison, running around, screaming at each other as they prepared to open the gate that was now right in front of them. 

“You remember what I told you right?” the raven suddenly whispered and it was way more quiet than before. 

“What?” the blond repeated, equally quiet- The raven´s glance was hard, yet soft. 

“There are titans all around you, what do you do?” he suddenly questioned, reminding the blond of the afternoon they had spent at the wall Rose. How he had tried to get up there because the safest option according to Izaya was-  

“Run and hide.” A smile met his eyes as the raven nodded satisfied. 

“Good.” And then there was the scar faced man standing next to the horses, nodding at the raven- 

“GO!” was the only word he said- 

And with that the survey corps set into motion- the horses neighted, the people screamed as the gate opened, making room for the troup to dash out- onto their first- and for most probably last mission.  

 

**To be continued~**

**DUN DUN DUUUUNNN The titans are finally making their appearance soon~ Lol it will be somewhat fun to write those awkward shits and their hilarious way of running xD**

**Anyway~!**

 

**WE HAVE A WINNER!! *0*0*0**00** xDDD**

**“Survival of the doomed” has the most readers at the moment and will therefore be update twice from now on~!**

**Everything else will be updated just as usual~! C:**

 

**Well then, see you in the next chapter on 22nd February 2018~! *0***


	12. --๑-๑ ஜ ๑- Reasons -๑ ஜ ๑-๑--

**\---Shizuo´s point of view.---**

It was loud, it was dirty. Dust was floating in the air and the men that had just left the wall didn't seem like they were going to shut the fuck up anytime soon. Sure there were no titans in sight yet. Yet. But they would come, they would appear for sure.

Shizuo already felt his hair stand on ends, looking around warily left and right. Just the knowledge that he wasn't inside the save walls of wall maria anymore was making him paranoid to the point it was affecting his attention.

Izaya was still riding next to him on this black horse of his, somewhat assuring the blond in a way- even though he knew the raven wasn't going to be able to look after him like after a child.

But that was okay, because he didn't want to be nothing but dead weight for the flea.

Shizuo needed to take care of himself, at least insofar that he wasn't causing trouble for anyone.

Wearily he glanced at the dreaded belt attached to his limbs. He felt handicapped, knowing that he couldn't use the gear like everyone else was able to.

“Orihara,” a man, older than the raven by a couple years was suddenly approaching the flea in question. A scar was settled on his forehead right above his right eye, but his hair was brown not red.

“Lieutenant Shiki, it's rare for you to join us, what do I owe the pleasure to?” Izaya announced, loud enough for the man to hear but also for the blond to catch the words.

The man looked stern, yet respectful.

“Are you going to miraculously survive by your own again?” he questioned, the horse he was sitting on running right next to the raven´s in an even fashion. His glance was cold- the question odd.

What? What was he trying to imply?

Feeling a familiar feeling of anger raise inside his body he decided he already didn't like this guy.

But the raven remained cheerful, even teasing.

“Would it be bad if I did?” he questioned, not intimidated at all by the man as if seemed. Shiki's eyes narrowed to slits as he cast a glance to the group that was riding behind them.

“I don't think you quite understand the situation you are in Orihara,” the men clarified his voice carrying something that only made the blond´s guts hate that guy even more.

“And that's why you came to observe?”

The horses neighed, the brunette turning his head round as he cast one last glance at the raven.

“No, this is just a warning,” and with that he turned and rode back to the wall.

What the hell?

Frown only growing deeper and deeper the blond tried to figure out what that had been about. What was that asshole trying to say? Was he also one of those stupid assholoes that believed Izaya killed his comrades?

“You seem mad.” The statement reached the blond´s ears in  the form of surprise as he twisted his head to glance at the flea. He was looking back at him, obviously having noticed that the blond had eavesdropped on their conversation.

Frowning Shizuo looked past his shoulder one last time, seeing the guy disappear back in the now closing entrance of wall maria before turning to face Izaya again.

“Who was that guy?” he questioned, not remembering having seen him anywhere before, neither the training grounds nor the dorm.

“Lieutenant Shiki Haruya, my superior,” Izaya informed connecting the missing dots in Shizuo´s mind. So that's why Izaya had been acting this polite with the man.

“It sounded like he was threatening you,” the blond grumbled, annoyance swinging in his voice as he glared up ahead. “What does he expect you to do? He isn't even-”

“Shizu-chan.” sharp, harsh, “We are on the battlefield. The only thing you are supposed to concentrate on now are possible titans appearing,” the raven suddenly announced and he sounded serious, almost like he were commanding the blond, and yet there was also this hint of care hidden in his voice that softened the words to a valuable piece of advice instead.

Grumbling the blond took the raven up by his words. Izaya was right.

“Still don't like the guy.” That didn't mean he wasn't going to bash that guy´s face in one they were home if he dared to do anything to Izaya just because he survived and the others didn't though.

Loud laughter made the blond´s head snap back once more, only to face the same group of men he had watched before, obviously having the time of their life- couldn't they just shut the fuck up?

The guy with the hammer was swinging said object above his head and imitating what Shizuo ought to be an attack on an imaginary titan. He didn't understand what they were yelling, but he had a feeling doing so would only piss him off that much more.

He could spot Kadota, riding not far from that guy, but compared to him his expression was stern, serious, he knew what they were dealing with.

Same for Karisawa and Yumasaki, they were just behind their friend and even though they were smiling, at least they weren't screaming and giving away their position.

“Can´t that guy shut up?” Shizuo growled, catching the raven´s attention once more.

“Leave them be,” Izaya announced, edging his horse to go a bit faster as he distanced himself from the group slightly. They were splitting up- Izaya, Shizuo and some guy the blond didn't know making up the first team, while the others split up left and right. Kadota, Karisawa, Yumasaki and another guy were riding to the left, while the group with the hammer guy, a blue haired kid and two more of his friends were splitting up to the right.

“At least they will keep the titans from our course if they keep this up,” Izaya suddenly announced, and just for the brink of a second the blond felt as though he had been defending the wrong person.

Because, with those words, Izaya already proved to know that these men weren't going to survive, they were going to be killed. It was odd, makabre how the flea already viewed them as dead and yet just in the same instant the flea´s words set the blond back he also understood them.

Because that's what this was. War, against the titans. And if these guys attracted the titans Kadota´s and Shizuo´s group at least might make it back alive.

Izaya was just trying to protect as many as he was able to.  

It was then that Izaya's head snapped up and his hands flew to the blades left and right to his body. Confused the blond looked ahead, but there was just a meadow, followed by a small forest, a small one not the huge they were heading for.

But then he heard it, even and thumping, the steps resounded through the nature like an earthquake, getting louder and louder until-

“Split!” Izaya suddenly ordered, the familiar sound of wires shooting out of the raven´s maneuver gear reaching Shizuo´s ears as the raven flew off his horse.

The guy that had been riding with them pulled his horse to the right, while it took Shizuo a second to realize the raven´s command.

Pulling harshly at the horse he turned it to the left- and then he saw it.

Dashing out of the woods, it was a lower class one, small, really it was small, compared to all the others the blond had seen and yet seeing it rush for them with those twisted legs and warped expression on its face the blond felt himself freeze in shock.

Because it was just like back then, just like back then with Kasuka. The thing was heading for them, to eat them, bite off their head, their limbs.

Feeling his blood run cold only sudden movement from the right snapped him out of his shock.

Neighing the horse suddenly reared, both hooves in the air Shizuo grasped onto the leather belts attached to it in an attempt to not fall off. It was the flea that had dashed past them, the metal wire being shot into one of the trees he had been swinging down only to be pulled up and thrown right towards that titan.

His expression was stern, that titan still running seemingly still not even noticing what was going on around him- and he sure as hell wasn't going to realize anymore either because it took just the brink of a second.

Izaya was up, at the height of the titan, his blades ready, clinking and then- a clean cut.

The titan didn't even get to reach for the raven before his lights were blown out and it stumbled over his own feet, earth, dirt piling up on his crooked neck as he crashed into the ground.

Horse rearing one more time the the blond couldn´t tear his stare from the now dead titan laying barely a meter or two away from him.

“Injured?” It was the flea who had asked the blond making him flinch invisibly as he looked at the raven that had dropped down right onto his horse that had continued to run as though nothing had happened at all, the metal wires shooting back inside the spool while he scanned the blond from head to toe.

“...no-” Shizuo mumbled, amazed.

Seriously amazed. All of this, all of these things had happened within a matter of seconds, barely even half a minute had passed, the horses were running on too as if they hadn't noticed a thing, but the flea had reacted with such precision and speed it left the blond astonished. Joining the blond on his horse the other guy was suddenly back again, having split to the right before.

It was now that Shizuo realized why Izaya had told them to split- judging how the titan had landed right where Shizuo had been before.

Izaya was amazing. Shizuo couldn't help but think that way.

And yet it also reminded him just how routined the flea was at this, just how often he had been out here, fighting against these monsters.

Back on his horse the small group of three remerged to the former state it had been in as they rode on. Past the small wood, past the meadows.

There were no more titans in sight, at least for now.

It was quiet, except for the steady sound of hooves hitting the ground there was nothing but silence. It was odd because they were in the enemy´s teretory and yet it was just so damn peaceful around them.

Casting a glance at the raven next to him the blond couldn't help but wonder.

"What are you doing this for? Killing titans I mean." After all, even though Izaya obviously despised the titans he didn't seem to take any joy from executing them. Almost the opposite, he seemed routined but his words earlier left the blond thinking that the raven would prefer to stay inside the walls still.

After all, he wasn't willing to risk his life, he wanted to survive, he wasn't tired of living or anything of that sort so why?

"Unfair I asked you first,” the raven snorted as response, casting the blond a glance.

Blinking the blond looked back at the raven.

“What?”

“On the training ground,” Izaya stated, “You got mad at me and tried to squish me with one of the training gears if I recall correctly.” Oh.

Now that he said it, he did. Izaya had gone on and on annoying him about why he was joining the survey corps or rather why he was so keen on it having to be them when he wasn't even cut out for it.

He had never given him an answer. Of course, why should he tell this guy about his brother? And yet now things had changed to some degree.

"I'm gonna answer if you do,” Shizu-chan suddenly announced, making the raven humm pleased in response.

Too bad he already knew why. But then again he could find out more about the blond this way maybe. More about how his brother had landed in hospital in the first place. Judging the blond and how deep his love for his brother seemed to run the raven had to admit he was more than intrigued to know the blond´s perspective.

"My siblings." Blinking the blond looked at the raven, for a moment he thought he had heard wrong, because the raven´s voice had dropped considerably, on purpose probably since there was one more guy riding with them that Izaya seemed to not want to hear what he was telling the blond.

"Siblings?" he repeated in the same fashion and it took him a second to realize that the raven was saying he had some. It wasn't like he couldn't imagine the raven to have- no that's exactly what it was. Izaya had always given the impression of being entirely alone so now hearing he had siblings came as a surprise. Plural even.

"They are allowed to live inside wall Sheena as long as I am the captain of the survey corps." Inside- … so that's what this was about. The flea, he was fighting for his siblings, to protect them. … he was actually risking his life just to know they were safe.

"What? Surprised?” Izaya questioned as the blond hadn't responded a thing. Instead he was just staring at the raven as though he had just told him a fairy tale.

“How old are they?” he asked, somewhat forced to think about his own brother that he was doing this for.

“Two twin girls, they are fourteen now.” Only fourteen? Shizuo was about to ask the raven about their parents, whether they couldn't burden this for Izaya instead, but he bit his tongue instead, realizing the fatality of his question.

They were probably dead. Seeing how Izaya was the one that had to go outside the wall in order for his siblings to be save, there was no other conclusion.

Leaving the meadows they finally found themselves inside the wood they were supposed to ride into. Trees, larger than any Shizuo had ever seen were suddenly filling their vision. But at least no danger was in sight yet.

"So what about your reason?" the raven suddenly said, snapping the blond out of his thoughts. But that question wasn't going to be answered anytime soon, because suddenly they heard it.

Not the sound of feet thrumming against the ground, no- laughter.

“Kill the bastards!” before the blond knew it he saw a couple familiar faces rush through his field of vision. The guy with the hammer and his friends, using their gear to maneuver through the trees.

"Why are you breaking the formation?!" surprised by the loudness of Izaya's voice the blond twisted his head towards the male in question. A deep frown was decorating his expression and his body had tensed.

"Return to your position!” but the guy he was trying to give orders to wasn't listening at all, instead he kept jumping between the trees.

“Why should I?! I finally get to take revenge on these bastards!” he announced with hallowing laughter, his friends joining without a second thought.

“The formations purpose is to warn each other if you sight any titans, not to-” but it was already too late. The moment the raven was about to explain his commands they could hear it. The footsteps, heavy, loud uneven and countless.

“Finally~!” the crazy guy cheered, maneuvering to one of the trees and settled there for a moment, watching the monsters in questions that were emerging from in between the bushes and trees.

Five, no six- seven- the blond lost count of the titans quicker than he should.

“These idiots-” the raven was swearing on top of his horse, the gear getting ready as he jumped off it, the metal wires pulling him up into the air.

Twisting his head Shizuo spotted a titan behind them, suddenly dashing out from between two trees as he grinned at them. That mouth unproportionally huge compared to the small eyes and nose it had as it glanced down at Shizuo.

A shudder travelled down his back, quickly he fondled with his gear, shot those wires and-

**_THUMP_ **

Cringing just a bit he reached for his shoulder, the wire having pulled him off the horse graciously, and out of that titan´s range, but damn the landing against the tree he had shot that metal wire into hadn't been all too pleasant.

Laughter and screams were to be heard, curses and victorious sounds as that crazy retard killed one titan after the other. neck by neck was cut through, the titan´s falling creating only more noise, attracting even more of these bastards.

It took the blond a second before he noticed that the guy was creating a commotion on purpose.

To fight.

That man only wanted to bathe in the blood of those titans.

“Retreat!” he suddenly heard the raven yell- Shizuo´s head snapped around in an attempt to search for the flea, but no chance, he had heard him but with all this commotion with all this fighting he couldn't make him out.

“Why should we? The fun is only starting~!” the guy cheered, ramming his blade into one more neck of the titans. blood was splattering into his face, his coat covered with it as the creature fell to the ground, the man standing on his neck in victorious defeat.

It was then, that Shizuo saw it.

One.

“HEY, YOU-!” but it was too late. The man twisted, glanced over his shoulders, and his blood froze, for once it did, because there was a titan, a titan that was jumping towards him.

“Fuck.” Blood, blood splattered everywhere, Shizuo averted his gaze for a moment searching for the others, searching where they were because he didn't need to see this- he had seen the hand, he had seen the titan´s jaw close around the man.

Nausea was welling up inside his throat but he ignored the sounds, the screams, that gurgling as the guy got swallowed.

“RETREAT!” again Izaya was screaming, but this time with more urgency-

twisting its head the new titan suddenly moved, looked at the blond, but averted his gaze looking at the humans flying up in the air instead- and then it jumped, so fast-

one of the men shrieked, but the creature already had him in its hands.

With horror Shizuo realized that this was no normal titan.

This was an abnormal.

 

**to be continued~**

**DUN DUN DUUUNNN xD Aww too bad I didn't get to torture my sweet Izaya yet, but oh soon soon *0* next chapter is gonna be pretty damn interesting C: lol satisfying my saddistic urges there lmao xDDD**

**The next chapter will be out on 12th march 2018~! xD See you sweeties~!**

**Oh and sotd won the double update, in case I didn't mention that yet xD**


	13. --๑-๑ ஜ ๑- Kill them all, will you? -๑ ஜ ๑-๑--

**\---Shizuo´s point of view.---**

Jumping, threatening it was reaching for the soldiers in the air as if it were fishing for prey. One after the other was grabbed, pulled down, like a spider the monster kept plucking them out of the sky like a spider in a net. 

Screams were to be heard all around, some of desperation, some of utter excitement- everything around the blond had turned into pure chaos. People were yelling words to each other, words that got swallowed by gurgling sounds not a second later- it made the blond cringe, frown, want to cover his ears- 

He had expected the death, he had expected that he was going to see people get killed by titans, and yet he hadn't seen it coming at all- with this intense feeling of finality and doom. 

“ALL OF YOU RETREAT!” it was Izaya's voice that broke through the air, snapping Shizuo out of his trance like state. Right- 

He had to get away- 

Glancing to his right he wanted to plug the wire he had shot out of that tree- he had to get up there, up into the trees where the monsters couldn't grasp him- but then his sight fell on a guy. 

Blue haired, just a few years younger perhaps- he was kneeling on the ground. In his hands- 

“Brother…” the head of the guy that had just gotten killed. Shizuo felt his stomach lurch and twist- he was torn between throwing up right there and then and slapping the thing out of that boy's hands- 

“He is dead!” harsh, loud, making the kid flinch hard he looked up at the blond, with eyes that Shizuo had never seen. 

So blank, so expressionless so- dead. 

And suddenly the earth shook- harsh, violently, Shizuo found himself grasping the tree in order to not fall down as his heart skipped a beat. There it was- right next to them. 

Grinning widely, those blank white teeth grinning and those horrifying eyes resting on no one but the blond. And suddenly time just seemed to stop. Shizuo couldn't move, couldn't do anything but stare at the monster that was right in front of him. The yelling was still heard all around them, more and more titans were entering the scene- it were too many, too fucking many- 

The grip on his blade tightened, almost broke the metal as his head went crazy in a moment of utter panic- there was a titan hand, already coming heather, reaching for him- 

It was going to get him- but it did not. 

Jerking, groaning the creature suddenly snapped his head back, those eyes rolling in various directions as if they had developed a life on their own as the arm came to a screeching halt, digging into the earth instead. 

Heart thumping out of his chest the blond still stood there, eyes wide, not getting what had happened- 

“What are you doing?!” Raven hair, a glint of red eyes was suddenly right in front of him, bringing him back to reality- 

“Izaya-” the flea- it had been the flea- the realization struck him like lightning, only now he even noticed that clean cut that had appeared at the monster's neck. Izaya must have cut it, killed it- 

And now he was standing right in front of him, expression stern, hands tightened on his blades and stance tense- 

"Do you want to die?! Think about your brother god damnit!" he yelled, almost screamed- if Shizuo didn't know it better he would have almost said the raven looked somewhat desperate. 

Wait- his brother? 

But snapping his head around Izaya could already hear another thumping sound approaching the two- another titan, middle class- With a click of his tongue the raven took of into the air, those wires shooting into the trees and branches as he dashed towards the monster. His teeth were grit as he felt his blades sink into the monster's neck- once- it was still groaning- twice,as fast as lightning- and the titan crashed into the ground- 

Turning his neck he cast a glance towards the blond- that stupid imbecile- 

Izaya couldn't blame Shizu-chan, rationally thinking he had not the slightest right to- not after what the blond had already seen. Not while knowing this was the first time Shizu-chan saw a titan out to kill him after what happened with his brother. 

And yet Izaya´s mind almost went mad with anger when he caught a glimpse of the blond- frozen- just standing there, yelling at a guy that had obviously already gone nuts instead of doing as he had told him to and just get the fuck away. 

Harsh, sharp, flying up into the air his blades sunk into another titan´s neck. 

Again his head snapped around- he was behaving dangerous- not Shizu-chan, no, but Izaya himself. 

He felt like scolding himself- he had thought taking the blond with him would be okay, would be no problem, after all he could defend himself, and he wasn't going to try and protect random assholes that just wanted to die fighting titans- and yet now he realized the gravity of this battle. Of his actions. 

Because he couldn't stop looking for the blond- couldn't stop that clutching feeling of ice resurfacing every moment he did not have his eyes on the blond. Every agonizing moment he didn't see the blond it just felt as though he was already dead. 

Already another dead blood splotch on the floor. 

Wires digging themselves into a tree not too far from him he got pulled towards the branch- quick, smooth he landed on it, pulled the wires up, his gaze travelling right pst a titan that was rushing for him and back to the blond instead. 

Relief was washing over him as the brute had finally started to move. The kid was still sitting there, clutching something bloody from what Izaya could see- but to his utter relief Shizu-chan wasn't trying to save the kid or drag him anywhere. He was fumbling with his gear, shooting one of those wires into the tree next to him. 

Brutish, clumsy he crashed into the bark only to shoot the other wire and pull himself up into the tree. 

Finally. 

“HNARRGHG-!” startled the raven flinched, his eye darting to the right as there was already another titan, seemingly having spotted the all to pleasantly close meal as it reached for Izaya with those gruesome disgusting fingers of his. The wires shooting out left and right instantly the raven slipped out of its grasp, and dashed to another tree- then another, and another- until he was on the other side of the clearing. The titan had lost track of him, was searching on the ground now as if it had expected its meal to have dropped down there. 

His fingers digging into the stem of the tree he was standing on, the raven glanced to his left. Blond hair was visible from beneath a couple leaves not too far from him and just for a short moment Shizu-chan´s and his gaze met. 

Izaya nodded, simply executed that single action, but the blond got the order nonetheless. 

Stay where you are. 

That had been all the raven was ordering him to. 

Another titan was rushing for the raven- screaming, running as though it had already broken both its legs. 

It was only now that Izaya noticed that the screams and cheers of the people that had surrounded them, were gone. 

Entirely and completely. Blotches of red were decorating the ground, bodies of dead titans that were starting to dissolve. 

Screaming another titan was reaching for the raven as he shot that wire into its flesh, using the titan itself as a support to dash past it. 

Cut- cut- 

And the titan was dead. 

Screeching and groaning was still filling the air and Izaya turned his head only to spot two more. 

Only two. 

From as far he could see it were the last of them. 

Only these two were running around still. 

Swinging his blade, drops of blood were shoot from the tip of his weapon. Hot and crimson it splashed to the ground as the raven flew up to the first titan´s neck. Just these two, only these and they were going to be done. 

Izaya tried to ignore the silence, tried to ignore the knowledge that nearly all of his soldiers had died within a matter of minutes again. 

Feeling the cold steel rip through flesh he brought it down a second time- and the titan fell. Together with the flea they both landed on the ground. 

The dirty, dirty red ground. 

Grasping his blades left and right the raven turned, facing the last of the assholes. It was small, way too tiny compared to the monsters he had already defeated. It was nothing compared to the abnormal he killed before. 

Crouching down he got ready to head up for it, head for the last of them- 

Only to feel his heart stop- stop. 

Just then. 

Right there. 

From the corners of his eyes he already saw it, he saw it before his brain could make sense of the beige colour that was suddenly blocking his view. 

Round, four from the right, one from the left- 

Gasping for air the raven tried to not choke right then and there as the immense grip, the tight pain of a titan´s fingers clenching around his body forced all air out of his lungs. 

From behind- there had been one more- one more titan that he hadn't noticed- crawling on the ground, silent like none of the others he hadn't seen it coming, he hand´t- 

He tried to shoot his wire, but not chance- the mechanism was blocked by those disgusting titan´s fingers. He had a blade at hand- ready to strike- but strike what? 

The titan´s face? 

Maybe inflict a scratch on his face? 

He didn't have the strength nor the speed to damage the titan. 

Feeling himself being risen into the air panic was assaulting his brain thinking he was going to get eaten now, but oh not yet it seemed as the titan suddenly brought him back to the ground. With force- too much force- too much speed- 

Izaya had no time to even bend his knees or do anything at all as the creature forced him into the earth- 

The choked sound of a pained scream was dangling from his lips when he felt his legs give out under the immense power of that titan's hand- sickening cracking was filling the air and for just a single moment the raven could see nothing but black as pain of extreme intensity shot through his veins blinding out every single thing surrounding him. 

Trembling Izaya´s grip tightened on the blade resting inside his grasp- he had no idea how he had even managed to hold onto it. 

And yet… 

Heavy breathing spilling from his lips he could only narrow his eyes at the destruction he saw. 

The titan was looking at the raven, seemingly inspecting him, but Izaya didn't even care what it was doing. It was useless. 

Over. 

With his legs like that- they had no chance. even if he managed to kill this titan- his legs were both broken if not damaged beyond repair. 

And right now, outside the wall- this far away...

He could see the blood around them, he could see countless body parts tossed to the ground, disappearing in the other titan’s throat, after all there was one more. 

One? 

Hah, no. 

He could already hear them, from afar. More of them coming. 

And with him being immobile- without being able to move... he was practically dead.

Just that one moment, the mistake of not checking his backside- had finally sealed his fate. 

One last time he glanced towards the tree he had last seen Shizu-chan in. Hoping to see him sit there still, and just not move. But he didn't see him. 

No, not in that tree at least. 

Grinning, groaning there were two more titans surrounding it now- one of them having clutched the blond in his hand just like Izaya was. 

“You fucking-!” swearing, frowning the blond was pulling his arms free from that titan's grasp- groaning, complaining it was staring at its prey, not even minding it seemingly when Shizuo forced two of those fingers apart- a sicking knack filling the air that lead the blond to conclude he had just broken that damn titan´s fingers. 

But what now? 

Shizuo´s mind was going crazy- seeing that gigantic jaw right in front of his face- he had nothing to attack the titan with- his blades had dropped, those wires were useless-- he had nothing but his bare hands! How the hell was he supposed to kill a titan with his bare hands?! 

"SHIZU-CHAN-"

But before Shizuo could locate the source of the voice there was a gleam of metal rushing past his face.

Loud and intense the titan roared as the weapon embedded itself into its eye.

It was one of the titan blades!

Without losing another second his hands slipped around that blade- pulling it from the titan´s head. Blood splattered everywhere, onto the blond as well, but he couldn't give a single fuck about that right then and there as he brought down the blade on the titan´s throat. 

His neck- he knew it was his neck that he needed to cut- but to hell if that strength of his wasn't good for something- 

Seemingly without any effort at all he moved that sharp piece of metal from the right- to the left. 

Simply. 

Easily. 

Like a knife going through butter the head of the titan flew off. Gurgling sounds were leaving its head as though it hadn't yet realized it was dead before the head crashed into the ground with a sickening thud. 

The hand lost its grasp- the blond dropped back to the ground, landing right on his ass- but he was free! 

Relief washing over him despite the tremors still shaking him with adrenaline he looked around- knowing that it had been Izaya who tossed him the blade. 

He expected to see him coming down next to him, maybe finish off one more titan before doing so- 

But no. 

There was a smile a triumphant smile decorating Shizuo´s face despite the odds- but it was slipping, and changing into one of utter horror within a fraction of a second. 

The second he spotted the raven. 

Blood was dripping from Izaya´s forehead, dripping from his legs sticking out from the other end of that disgusting fist. And the titan it belonged to had already opened his jaw. 

Wide. 

Horrifying. 

The titan´s head was tilted back- Izaya was just above it, facing what he could only describe as his own end- but Izaya's attention was only on Shizu-chan as his lips moved once more. 

Time seemed to stand still, the noises around them blackened out as Shizuo watched the matter of seconds in horror. 

"Kill them all, will you?" and with that the raven was dropped inside the titan´s jaw. 

 

**To be continued~**

**DUN DUN DUUUUUNNN xD**

**Aw gosh izzy~ is he dead? C: who knows~? xD Would certainly be an unexpected plot twist lmao xD**

**Sowy for being gone so long xD Uni was starting again and …. lol… again I thought i could just keep writing this time x’D and then i got sick, which didn't exactly help either x’DDD**

**But hey~! Now I'm back xD And I will update everything regularly until june at least lmao xD Cuz then exams are approaching and I bet I will try to update regularly again but still fail anyway x’D but who knows? i might succeed updating even then hoho xD**

 

**See you on April the 27th~! C: Let's see if Izaya is dead and swallowed by the titan or not hehe C; xD**

 


	14. --๑-๑ ஜ ๑- No! -๑ ஜ ๑-๑--

**\---Shizuo´s point of view.---**

No- 

NO- 

For a second time just seemed to stand still- eyes blown wide Shizuo couldn't avert his stare from that titan. That titan. 

The titan that just- 

His guts were churning his stomach lurching as an immense feeling of panic and despair tormented his entire being. Horror was reflecting on his expression and before he knew it, without even having any sort of plan, he was already moving. Towards that titan. 

Corpses, steam raising from dead titans and blood were colouring the ground but the blond had no eye for them as he dashed right for that titan- 

His hands were still gripping that blade- the blade that Izaya had thrown- hard, harsh, he didn't even notice the silver creaking and bending underneath the enormous pressure that was Shizuo´s grip as his expression churned into something filled with hatred to an extent it had never been before. 

KILL.

Was the only thing on his mind- when he saw the titan. Those disgusting eyes, searching for possible prey it could consume, those death bringing teeth, sprinkled with blood and guts stuck in between the deadly white. And that arm, reaching for the blond, coming down like a machine, a monster, something out of this world- 

It was reaching for Shizuo, he knew that, it wanted to eat him, he knew that as well- and yet he couldn't give a single fuck about that right now. 

Because right now the only thing that deadly hand was, that arm extended to reach for the titan´s pray- to Shizuo it was nothing but a staircase to his enemy. 

Without fear he dashed up that steaming path towards the bastard´s face- 

The monster´s expression remained just the same. That grin, the disgusting grin spread across its lips as it had no idea of its soon end. 

It barely took a second for the blond to swing that blade, swing it with so much force the creature's eyes were still rotating in confusion after the head had separated from its neck. 

With a harsh thump the isolated part rolled off- the body of the titan crashing to the ground like a dead sack of potatoes. Shizuo was still standing on top of the titan- now rushing to where he believed its stomach would be. 

IZAYA. 

Was the only thing on his mind when he saw the monster dead on the ground. 

IZAYA. 

He had to be alive- 

Silver digging into the rotting flesh he tore the skin apart- blood was steaming like a river down the titan´s body and onto the ground. He could already hear more steps, those heavy thumps violating the ground. But his hand didn't stop moving, ripping, cutting away on the flesh as he tore the titan apart. 

Izaya. 

Izaya had to be alive- he had to- he couldn´t be dead- not after sacrificing his blade for Shizuo´s sake! 

Despair was making itself noticeable in the frantic motion of cutting away on that titan´s flesh- Not too deep. 

Not too deep. 

Like a chant the sentence repeated in the blond´s mind, firmly believing, that Izaya still had to be alive inside this damn bastard´s body. 

He had to- 

He had to be-! 

…

It was so quiet. So so quiet. Swallowing hard Izaya tried to suppress an upcoming wave of panic. Crimson hotness was surrounding him upside down, left and right. Trying to find some grip on those … on- the creature´s inside... of his stomach- 

Izaya's stomach lurched. 

His eyes squeezed shut as he tried to not let go with his trembling hands. Gastric fluid was filling a third of the monster´s insides. Heads, ripped off body parts- Izaya tried to pretend it wasn't a titan's stomach he was in as the cold shiver of death choked his throat. 

He couldn't move his legs- the pain was too much to bear- just thinking about having to move again at all was making the flea nauseous. Hidden by the disgusting fluid he could only imagine what they had to look like. 

Blades, broken to pieces were swimming in the disgusting soup around him. 

He could just hold on- try not to drop into this mix of deadness and blood. His breathing was ragged, his eyes wide. 

Dull and threatening his side throbbed- the bloody piece that had pierced his skin stuck in the titan's flesh. 

He tried to calm down, to just- maybe there was still a way- he was still alive- he was still alive. 

Like a mantra the sentence kept repeating in his head as though the thought alone was going to save him while his mind drowned in a sea of panic. 

And then it was there- 

Light. 

Snapping his head up he almost choked on air when something undefinable suddenly crashed through the surface. 

The gastric fluids splashed against the walls, Izaya nearly lost his balance but before he could recognize just what it was that had just pierced the titan's stomach there was already a pair of arms wrapped around his body. 

Tight, secure he suddenly felt himself being pulled from the heat- pulled away from the verge of panic as his lungs filled themselves with the fresh and familiar air of the forest they had been in. 

Eyes darting around Shizuo searched, searched for the titans he had heard- the titans he could still hear. Heavy the thumps thundered through the silence of the forest and his grip on the flea tightened unwillingly. 

Away. They had to get away from here- 

Eyes darting around he couldn´t spot anything that would even remotely serve as a hideout- there was nothing- nothing but- 

Trees. 

As if on autopilot his hands darted to this cursed maneuver gear of his- he might be too stupid to use this- but just up there, just like back at the wall, he had to get up there! 

Wires shooting out they embedded themselves into one of the tree´s stems- harsh- quick the blond felt himself being pulled towards the tree and off the dead titan. 

Curling around the flea to try and protect him from the impact as much as possible he shot the second wire- he had no idea where it even landed- the next thing he knew he just crashed into branches- branches and leaves- harsh and hard they slapped his skin, tore his clothes until a branch, larger than the other crashed into his back like a whiplash. 

They came to a halt- just there on the branch that killed his back. Groaning softly he glanced to the right, to the left- were the titans already here? Had they seen them? Where they trying to get them? 

Questions over questions assaulted his mind as he scanned their surroundings. They were in one of the trees- one of the giant trees. He could see the titans from above. Running, stumbling, searching for the source of the noise he guessed- but they didn't spot Izaya and Shizuo. 

They walked past, oblivious to the two sitting on the branch of a way too high tree. 

They wouldn't be able to get them up here- at least none of the normal class titans. Relief washed over the blond as he closed his eyes momentarily. 

He did it. 

He did it! 

"Fuck that was close,” he said out aloud, his arms still wrapped around the raven. “How the hell did they even catch you?" But then his expression dropped. 

The question had been directed at the flea. He thought everything was fine now- he thought he did it- but it was only then that he realized just how wrong he was. 

The flea looked bad- really bad. 

Covered in blood, from which Shizuo was only left to guess which was his own and which staining him from the inside of his stomach. 

But he could see well enough- he could see the way Izaya's legs were bent in an odd angle, blood seeping from underneath the cloth covering his stomach. He could see his chest heave up and down rapidly yet shallow. His eyes were squeezed shut in what was unmistakably pain. Blood was dripping from a wound on his forehead and his hands trembling as if he were freezing. Despite Shizuo´s attempt of keeping the raven unscathed he could spot numerous scratches cuts and bruises scattered across his body. 

But the thing that scared him the most was just how pale the flea had become. His breathing so shallow as though he was planning to quit it entirely. 

“Izaya? Oi-” the raven was shaking, tremors wracking his body and not responding to him at all. Blood was starting to soak Shizuo´s pants and he realized with the feeling of a blow to his gut that the flea was worse than he had assumed. 

".. shit-" Izaya could hear the blond, he wanted to respond, wanted to move- but he couldn't. He just- the pain was taking over his mind, clouding his judgement as he could do nothing but try and just not pass out. 

Feeling his surroundings move he could only try and make sense of what was happening around him. He had no idea what was going on- the only thing on his mind was this dull pain, pain from multiple places he couldn't even define their location anymore as his eyes were squeezed shut. 

He was feeling so damn nauseous. So nauseous and cold. Freezing. 

"Hey- hey talk to me, Izaya-" he could hear him. Shizu-chan. Feeling his back brush against something stable his mind barely managed to conclude that he was laying down. He could feel a pair of hands. On his shoulders, then his head. Something soft was pressing against it. Swallowing harshly the raven flinched at a momentarily sting of pain. But then it subsided a bit. Wet coolness was emitted from the soft texture and the raven realized the blond was pressing a piece of cloth drenched in water against his head. 

“Hey, Izaya-” just why? Why was the flea this bad? Shizuo didn't get it- from what he saw his legs were broken- he had hit his head, was injured yeah, but that didn't explain why he looked as though he was going to die any moment! 

Calm down, calm down- 

The immense panic that Izaya might just still die right here right now despite having saved him from that titan was killing the blonds rational thinking. They were alone, in the titans territory, with him not having any proper medical knowledge and Izaya down. 

As if on auto pilot the blond ripped at his shirt once more- he had already used a part of it, poured water over the cloth to at least cover that bleeding wound on Izaya's forehead. It was then that he noticed it. 

Blood- more blood than a few seconds ago. And it wasn't dripping from his legs or forehead- no. 

Shirt lifted quickly the blond choked on his breath for a moment. There was an enormous cut in the flea´s abdomen. Blood was seeping from the wound in a horrifying fashion as the blond jerked at his green coat- tearing he ripped the fabric apart. He had to stop the blood flow- Quick the torn fabric was pressed against the flea´s stomach. 

He had to keep Izaya from losing any more blood- he knew he had to make this tight but god- 

Choking on air Izaya's hand was suddenly shooting forward, gripping the blond´s shirt as if to beg and make him stop. 

Shizuo was hurting him- fuck he knew he was hurting him. 

"Sorry, fuck, sorry-" fuck he hated this, he didn't even mean to hurt Izaya. He didn't want to hurt him. Izaya was heaving, his hand not letting go of Shizuo´s shirt as the blond tore his green coat to shreds, using it as the only kind of bandaid that was available. 

"Hey flea, you okay?" it was a stupid question, really and yet Shizuo didn't know what else he was supposed to say. 

"I'm sorry-” Guilt was driving him mad- guilt for having been saved by the flea, having caused this to happen- having hurt the flea again- 

"Izaya-” Izaya could hear him well enough. Slowly, very very slow, his mind was becoming somewhat clear again. 

Opening his eyes barely for a second he could catch a glimpse of Shizu-chan´s expression. 

That brute, he was way too gentle, a monster trying not to hurt anyone, he looked as though someone had just hurt him and not Izaya.

"´m fi... ne." Softly, low the words finally managed to seep from his lips- but they were anything but the truth. His head was spinning, his body shaking like crazy- the pain was starting to become dull- and yet it was still pulsating so painfully. And the words he had spoken only caused the nausea he had already felt prior to reach its peak. 

“Might…. be sick tho,” the raven swallowed hard trying to get rid of the lump in his throat. Feeling his senses come back to a certain extent a pair of arms wrapped around his shoulders as they pushed him up gently. 

He knew it was Shizu-chan. 

Holding him in place with one arm around his shoulder the other was kneading at the back of Izaya's neck with the cold piece of cloth that had been pressed against his forehead in an attempt of chasing the nausea away. 

“Everything is going to be alright,” the blond suddenly said and honestly if the raven hadn't been feeling so shitty he would have probably laughed at the lie. He wasn't stupid, he knew he had lost a lot of blood if not too much and he was nowhere near properly fixed up, not to mention how they were still inside the titan´s territory. 

“I already fixed you, okay?” the blond continued, somewhat desperate- 

Seeing the flea this apathetic, with a face gray like death and feeling his cold clammy skin despair was threatening to swallow the blond whole. 

He was still too pale and so god damn cold.

Fuck he wasn't gonna die right? No- fuck, he couldn´t- 

Izaya could feel the blond, feel the warmth radiating from his hands that were now trailing to his upper arms, moving up and down as if to attempt and get the raven warm again. 

“Hey, Izaya-” Shizuo´s brown coat was taken off, and before Izaya knew it it was resting on his shoulders. Warm. Just like the blond. 

Letting his forehead thud against the blond´s shoulder that he could only assume was right in front of him the raven left his eyes closed. Tried to get a grip on himself. 

"Calling me by my first name? Cocky aren't you?" his lips were trembling while speaking, dizziness and nausea attacking once more as he took a shaky breath. 

"Are you okay?" It was the blond who was asking- to Izaya's disappointment the blond was not annoyed at all. Seriously, what kind of Captain was he if he couldn’t even calm one of his soldiers down? 

"You mean apart from feeling like shit? Yeah sure,” he replied, breathing slowly in order to keep the tremors from showing too much. 

"I'm surprised you didn't pass out,” the blond said, relief washing over him just upon hearing the flea’s remarks. 

A soft snort followed, but only to have the raven frown deeply a second later. 

“Are you okay?” Again the same question. 

“Just- give me a moment.” Black spots were interrupting the raven’s field of vision. Shrieking, a loud high pitched noise was assaulting his ears. He knew there wasn't actually anything to hear, but it was still there. 

"Shit, why did you even give me your blade?" The blond sounded like he was blaming himself- but honestly there was no need to. It was Izaya's and Izaya´s fault alone that that one titan got ahold of him. 

Taking a deep breath the raven tried to get his voice back in control. 

"Because you obviously had the better chance of us to survive back there,” he breathed, only causing the frown on Shizuo´s face to deepen. 

"You watched out for me, I saw you, you beat a titan that was heading for me,” the blond argued, still remembering how he had just- frozen up in fear. Like a coward. "Fuck if I just hadn´t-"

"Shizu-chan stop. It's not your fault. I was the one who decided to take you on the mission, if anyone is to blame it's me.” He was the captain, he was supposed to take decisions- and yet the blond didn't quite seem to grasp that yet. 

"I disappointed you didn't I?"

"Disappointed? You saved my life." For once Izaya was actually speaking the truth. Hell he didn't blame Shizu-chan for what had happened, nor was he mad, the opposite- if the blond hadn't come for him, pulling Izaya out of that titan's stomach- 

He would be dead now. 

Slowly being digested. 

Feeling his stomach lurch at the thought the raven let his eyes squeeze shut for just a moment. 

“Are there any titans around?” he questioned between pressed lips. 

The blond´s head turned, left and right- before they had been rushing past, but now it was awfully silent inside the wood. 

“No, they are gone.” 

Taking a deep breath the raven opened his eyes again. Trying to focus he looked down the trees. It was either now or never. 

“We need to get away from here.” 

 

**to be continued~**

**Awww poor Izzy - lol no I enjoyed making him suffer lmao xD I'm so evil xD’ Things are gonna get really interesting now ehehe a plot twist is up ahead~ ;3 Izaya sure is a reckless cookie though, wanting to run around again right away tse tse tse well not like he would be able to xD**

 

**See chu all in the next update on May the 15th~!**


	15. --๑-๑ ஜ ๑-  You´re warm -๑ ஜ ๑-๑--

**\---Shizuo´s point of view.---**

“Now?,” the question spilling from Shizu-chan´s lips wasn't a question per se, it was more of a statement, a scolding, wording something along the lines of hell no, to Izaya's ears. 

A deep frown was all that crossed the raven´s expression however as his lips moved once more. 

“Shizu-chan we are in the middle of the enemies territory what do you think will happen if we-” 

“You aren't moving,” Shizu-chan instantly threw in, seemingly not even bothering to wait and listen to what Izaya had to say. “I will lure them away myself if necessary but you aren't moving, I'm not Shinra but I'm pretty damn sure you aren't well enough to move around.” 

His head still leaning onto the blond´s shoulder Izaya could feel his chest vibrate softly with every word the blond spoke. The way he spoke, so confident, Izaya didn't doubt Shizu-chan actually believed what he was saying. And yet- 

“Trying to order your superior around?” he questioned, the frown on his forehead only deepening at the ridiculous things the man was spouting. 

“Push me off if you can flea.” 

Tch- a dumb request from a dumb brute. 

It was useless to even start and try, he knew he could never compete with the blond in terms of strength. And Shizu-chan knew that too which only made this discussion seem more and more childish. 

“Being stubborn can kill you,” the raven hissed. 

“Being reckless too.” 

Annoyance was making itself noticeable even in the midst of being tortured by his own body as the raven left out an exasperated sigh. 

“So what's your plan? Wanna wait for titans to come and eat us?” Because that's what was going to happen if they kept staying in one place- having lost as much blood as this, and having it trail to the tree like allure it would be a matter of time until one of the higher class titan´s had found them. 

“Are you even aware of the state you are in?” Shizu-chan questioned instead obviously not cindering any of these very serious factors as his mind seemed to be set on the thought of having izaya lay down and rest. 

Stupid. 

“Don't answer my question with another question,” Izaya mumbled, feeling his own voice falter towards the end of his sentence. Not because he wasn't convinced or something- it was just the air itself, the simple task of breathing that seemed to be just so exhausting. Using the precious air he filled his lungs with to argue was tiring beyond belief. 

Fuck- what were they supposed to do? 

He had hoped some of the recruiters might be left- just one, one would suffice. They could have called him from up in the trees, ordered him to get help, maybe he would have had some of the flare guns still and would have been able to give some sort of signal. 

But by now- even if there had been someone left, they had to be gone already by now. Of course, who would voluntarily stay within the titan´s forest if they could flee back to the wall? A wall that was still in sight even. 

If the titans came now he couldn't even do something as simple as run. Not with his body like this- when he was this dizzy and despairingly weak. 

“Says the one that´s avoiding mine!” Shizuo barked, the way too familiar feeling of anger surging through his veins as the flea just kept pissing him off. 

He had pulled him out of that titan, he was hurt beyond belief- and what did he want to do? Run around?! 

Shizuo was pissed off- and yet pushing the flea off his shoulder to face that stubborn louse head on caused the rage to dissipate instantly. 

His eyes were closed, his face still just as pale as it had been ever since he pulled him out of that stomach and that pained frown settled on his forehead didn't seem like it intended to fuck off anytime soon either. 

Fuck. 

What was he even doing? Arguing when Izaya was suffering this badly. 

Feeling the glare soften the blond´s grip on the flea loosened, turned into a more gentle one. 

“Are you okay?” It wasn't that Izaya's attitude pissed him off, or his plans- it was how he was still trying to solve everything despite already being beaten like this- Shizuo was annoyed at himself for not being reliable enough for the flea to just leave this shit to him and rest.  

“Just cold, dizzy” the raven mumbled with trembling lips and suddenly his hand moved again, pushing softly at the blond´s chest. 

“Hey-” again the all too familiar frown appearen on Shizu-chan´s expression. To be honest it amused the raven, even in a dreadful situation like this. 

“Leave.” 

Confused the blond blinked, looked at the hand softly pushing at his chest, then at the raven. 

“What?” His mind was refusing to get what the flea was talking about. But Izaya gladly helped him realize as he spoke slowly. 

“I can´t walk Shizu-chan and you can't use the gear to go and get help. How do you expect us to go back?” His eyes were glassy, missing that sharp crimson gleam Shizuo was used to see as he understood what the raven was trying to tell him. 

Gritting his teeth the frown on his forehead only grew deeper though. 

“Simple, I will just carry you,” he announced, refusing to accept the conclusion the raven had come to. 

A blink followed, one of astonishment perhaps as a sigh left the raven´s lips. 

“... are you crazy?” it was a quiet question, sounded as though it wasn't even supposed to reach Shizuo´s ears. “Could have left me down there too if you were going to present us like treats for the titans.” 

“I'm not,” Shizuo interrupted the raven, his head turning to the right as he looked back into the direction they had come from. “I can see the wall from here, it's not that difficult,” he announced, and really. He could actually see the wall. White and even it was standing at the horizon, their home. And yet, even while saying the words Shizuo already noticed how incredibly easy he made this sound, even to his own ears. And Izaya noticed it too, the terribly weak arguments Shizuo was using. 

“I'm grateful you pulled me out of that titan, don't get me wrong, I get to die peaceful now,” Izaya announced, causing the feeling of dread assaulting Shizuo´s mind to increase tenfold. The words don't sound like a sign of gratitude- they sounded like a sort of final goodbye from the flea. 

“You won't die!” he barked, but his arguments were getting weaker and weaker. Even if they made it to that wall, he had no idea whether Izaya was going to hold up until then or not. 

“Don't be stupid protozoan,” Izaya hissed, a glare settled on his pained expression, 

“Leave, as you said the wall isn't too far, maybe you can do it. Alone.” he hissed, hostile maybe- but it seemed that was needed. 

Because Izaya had already come to terms with it. 

With his death that is. 

He had been on so many missions, seen so many people die- every single time he was outside the walls, he was prepared to die. And the more deaths he witnessed, the clearer the image became. 

He was ready to face his end. He had seen it coming for so long, every single human inside this wall was scared, was trying to survive, trying to just not die- while Izaya was getting ready to die every single day. 

But Shizu-chan wasn´t. Even if they were fucking with him, letting his brother dangle in front of his nose like a treat Shizu-chan at least had something to live for. 

“The hell I will,” and yet the brute just didn't seem like he was going to listen to him. Not even once. 

Feeling a wave of dizziness wash across his mind it took the raven a moment to both grasp the meaning of Shizu-chan´s words, and notice the hands that were suddenly fumbling with the belts of his maneuver gear. 

“What are you doing?” he frowned as the blond pulled at the brown leather straps, unbuckled them and pulled them towards his own gear. 

“Tying them together, can't risk you falling off if you pass out on me,” he announced while connecting one of the straps with his own belts. 

For better or worse at least the flea wasn't able to resist his doings. 

“You plan to carry me?” the raven questioned, but this tiny Shizuo wasn't going to even start and argue with the flea. 

“Can you hold up?” he questioned instead- having the flea in this state he was reluctant to let go of his shoulders. He was afraid he might just fall over and down the tree. 

“That's not the question Shizu-chan,” Izaya sighed.  

“I'm not going to leave without you, so can you, or can you not?” 

It wasn't a question, it was an order- or at least it felt like one. Shizu-chan was not going to budge about his decision. 

His words were carrying strength. 

Being like this, Izaya´s body not following his commands, life slowly leaking from how numerous wounds-... Izaya was always in control, always knew what to do next, being rendered immobile like this should scare the hell out of him, and to a certain degree it did, and yet… instead he found himself actually relying on that brute. 

Trusting him. 

A soft, maybe pained, but it was a smile nonetheless, spread across his lips as he decided to give up control. At least for once- for the last. 

He was tired of holding up. If this was really going to be his end then for once, at least for this small amount of time left, he wanted to just quit wrecking his head. 

He was going to die either way, being left by the blond or going with him, this would at least prove to be the less lonely option to part from this world. 

Frowning deeply his hands braced themselves against the wood- it was terrifying how weak he had become as a simple task like this proved to rob him of all the energy he had left. 

“Can,” he responded weakly, but the blond was already moving anyway. Turning around it was his back Izaya saw next, hands tugging on the belts and that blond hair as he let himself thud against Shizu-chan. 

Fumbling and cursing here and there Izaya could feel the gear that was supposed to help him move around, pull him tightly to the blond. 

Hands were slid down to Izaya's thighs before a soft warning left the blond´s lips. “This could hurt now-” and it really did- getting up the raven's legs were suddenly dangling freely, causing the flea to grit his teeth and dig his nails into the blond´s shoulders. 

It was worrying, making a feeling of guilt raise within the blond. But the thing that worried him the most was how the flea was holding his breath. 

“Breathe,” he ordered softly, feeling as though there was a need to remind the flea of something simple like this. 

He felt so cold against his back- except for one spot, the spot where Izaya's waist connected with the blond. Hot warmth was seeping from where the raven had been cut and Shizuo was only left to beg and pray that it would stop bleeding soon. 

With a disturbingly loud noise, at least to Shizuo´s ears the silver peak of the iron wire was embedding itself into the wood of the tree´s stem. 

Turning around the blond was facing the tree- one arm was kept secure around one of the flea´s thighs at least while the other was holding onto the metal wire. 

A step was taken, bracing himself against the tree the blond was descending it, slowly but surely. He didn't want to hurt the flea any more than he already did- and while going fast or simply jumping down the distance was going to be faster it was definitely going to be more painful as well. 

Turning his head the blond looked around, left and right, praying that no titan was going to stumble across them- he knew their chances were slim, meeting not a single titan until they reached the wall sounded like the end of a fairy tale, he knew as much, and still he hoped they were just that lucky. 

“You are warm.” Softly the words were mumbled into his shoulder. He could feel the warmth of izaya's breath against his skin. It was calming, reassuring him that the raven was still alive. 

“Pleasant?” he questioned, trying to distract the raven from the pain.  

“Yeah,” he sighed, “Nice way to die.” 

Honestly- Shizuo knew Izaya wasn't trying to shatter his hopes, he was being realistic, probably even meant what he said and yet, hearing these dreading promises of death were not exactly putting the blond at ease. 

“Can you please stop saying that?” he mumbled, loosening his grip on the iron thread to slide down a bit further. 

“Why? Being digested would have been worse,” Izaya mumbled, for once really not understanding that it wasn't the type of death that unsettled the blond. 

“You saying that you will die is what I mean,” he explained leaving the raven to hum. 

Leaning against the blond´s back like this, being carried down the tree- possibly being carried to the wall as well- Shizu-chan really was quite something. 

Risking his life earlier too. 

Shizu-chan didn't just leave, didn't just grab the blade Izaya had thrown him and left, no, he came back, returned to cut the titan open and fish him out of his grave. 

“I'm curious what will you do if I do?” he found himself asking- and for once his question didn't serve any ulterior purpose or proved to find out something entirely else- no for once he was just curious, wondered what his response would be. “Bury me here?” he suggested, naming the first thing that came to mind. A mind that was already so horribly gone. 

Izaya could feel his conscience sway with each step the blond took. He was already moving so cautiously and yet it felt as though he was kicking Izaya into his guts with every move. His legs too, dangling freely he wished someone would saw them off already just so he wouldn't have to bear with the pain of them moving around anymore. 

“I won't bury you, because you will survive,” the blond stated, answering his question with another show of his confidence in that regard. 

To be honest, it was admirable. 

“You amaze me you know. How hard you are trying to save others,” Izaya mumbled, “The kid from before, your brother, me-”

Izaya wasn't paying attention to what he was saying anymore at this point- even Shizuo noticed as much, when his brother was mentioned though he was surprised, surprised and forced to remember what the fla had said earlier. On the battlefield, before he as grabbed. 

He told Shizuo to survive,  _ think about your brother _ , had been his words. 

“How much do you know about my brother?” 

**To be continued~**

 

**heyo heyo~!!! *0* Sowy for taking slightly longer to update xD I happened to get sick for a week meh making me move all my updates -glares at the evil viruses flyin around- xD anyway~ I'm back again and right now working on the Sotd update haha, I wanna update it today still, but hmmm**

**Well I wonder, might be able to make it, might not xD Let's see xD**

**The next sns update will come out on 17th June~! :3**

**See ya all there~ xD**


	16. -๑-๑ ஜ ๑- Please, don't stop talking -๑ ஜ ๑-๑-

 

**-Shizuo´s point of view.-**

Silence covered the moment for just a little while as the blond descended from the top of the tree.

The cool iron wire was cutting into his palm as he slid down the stem carefully. To be honest he didn't even really care just what the raven knew about his brother or why he did in the first place, but he felt as though if they weren't speaking about anything that didn't revolve about the two of them dying he would really go insane here with the terrifying probability of facing another titan.

"Not a lot. Just that he is in hospital and you made a deal for him to be allowed to stay there as long as you remain within the survey corps," the raven finally announced, his voice sounded strained and faint. Shizuo was sure if he hadn't paid close attention he might not even have heard him.

"That's a lot you know," he responded, given that the flea knew about his deal as well.

Thinking about it- "Did you know about this before-" he started, but Izaya, despite being this weak, still knew what the blond was going to ask before he even had a chance to actually do it as he responded, "He is not the reason I admit you to the survey corps if that's your question." It was the only logical conclusion, of course the blond would think this way. "I only found out later about you and your deal." Izaya announced, and for once he was actually just speaking the truth.

No lies, no games, just reality.

So he didn't know about it? Shizuo almost couldn't believe it- just what was it Izaya decided to take him in for?

His thoughts got harshly interrupted as his palm slipped across the smeary surface of the iron wire.

Silver and shining he had had a perfectly tight grip on it- but a spot tarnished with blood from either the titans or possibly their comrades caused the blond to slip for a moment.

Of course his grip instantly tightened on the wire and he didn't fall or anything, but the quick movement downwards had certainly caused the raven to jerk.

He could feel him, Izaya, all tense, his fingers digging into his shoulders harshly as quick puffs of breath left his lips.

"Sorry, are you okay?"

Silence greeted the blond as the raven was too busy concentrating on his breath- just, breathing. Instinctively Shizuo´s hold on the raven tightened, already dreading the thought of Izaya simply passing out and falling off his back.

Sure the straps connected to his own should keep the flea at least close to him, but having him dangle downwards like this would only injure the raven so much worse.

"Want to fill me in on the details I'm unaware of?"

Surprised and at the very same time confused the blond frowned as a very intelligent,"What?" left his lips.

"What happened. For your brother to end up there I mean." Izaya breathed slowly.

A second of silence followed in which the blond realized just what it was that the raven was doing. He was trying to distract himself.

Hanging on his back like a lump of clothes, so weak- all strength had left his body already. Considering just how much control the raven was used to have over his body and the situations he met this kind of moment had to drive him mad.

"He almost got eaten by a titan when wall Maria got destroyed. It already had him in its grasp," Shizuo started slowly, hoping that the distraction Izaya wished for was actually going to help him a bit. "It was about to eat him, just like you before, I ripped out a tree and pierced its throat," he continued, the ground finally meeting his feet as he closed the distance. Shifting softly he ripped the wire from his maneuver gear´s socket with a simple tug, quite as if he were just tearing a wool thread. "It dropped Kasuka, but he fell from high up. His head hit the ground, some kind of wooden pillar. He is alive, but...well," Shizuo´s voice dropped a bit at the last part, remembering the moment the doctors had told him just what his brother´s condition was.

Brows furrowing, not out of pain this time the raven finished the story within his thoughts. He never woke up again, Kasuka that is. Of course, otherwise there would be no reason for the blond to be here.

Moving carefully Shizuo was walking with slow steps. Being down on the ground now he tried to stick to bushes, trees, possible hiding spots in case they did hear a titan coming from afar.

"I always hated violence you know," the blond mumbled, "I never used it as far as my awful temper allowed it. Kasuka always calmed me down too." He always did. His brother sure was something, with his expressionless face he would just stand up and get in between the blond that had been lifting trees or other dangerous projectiles and the people he intended to bash them with. There had never been a shred of fear within his glance. "But now he is in coma and the hospital that´s treating him costs more than just a bit of money- if I didn't get into the survey corps they would have just let him die like that," he finished- and… he didn't really know what he was waiting for, what he even expected the flea to say, but all of a sudden he was just terribly aware of how silent the raven had fallen on his back.

"Izaya?" he tried and suddenly the thought of him talking not being the best idea when Izaya was the one who could lose consciousness crossed his mind.

"Hn..?" his voice, so weak, reached his ears, it sounded as though he was already straining himself just to speak- it caused a sense of panic to overwhelm the blond.

He wanted to hear Izaya's voice, hear he was alive because even through his clothes he could feel it.

The warmth of his blood. Seeping through the fabric of his clothes.

If he fell silent-

"What about your sisters?" he suddenly questioned, his grip on the flea tightening just a bit as he craned his neck to glance at the raven.

"What do you mean?" Izaya questioned slowly, sounding just as tired as before.

"They live in Wall Sheena right? What are they like?" He wanted to hear Izaya's voice. Wanted to hear him speak, just so that he knew he was still alive- that he was not dead yet.

"Hyper is the word that suits Kururi best I guess, and calm for Mairu. They are opposites in every possible category." Izaya hummed softly, the two chaotic twins somehow making him smile even in this shitty situation.

"... Aren't they worried about you?" surprised by the question the raven was left to blink for a moment.

"Me?" The thought hadn't quite crossed his mind yet- or rather- this was the first time he even talked to someone about his siblings that was not Shinra. He hadn't quite brought the topic up yet.

Frowning just the slightest bit the blond´s gaze lowered to the ground as he proceeded to walk carefully.

"Well you are going out there so many times, aren't they worried you will-" the last word was on the tip of his tongue, but saying it out loud right now when the situation was this dire was somewhat-

"Die?" Izaya beat him to it, announcing what he had been thinking about without a care.

Sighing heavily Shizuo nodded.

"...yeah." Undoubtedly his sisters were going to be worried sick- hearing that their brother hadn't returned home- that the mission failed. The red signal having been shot into the air had to be seen from the wall. The troops and guardians of the wall had to have seen it and concluded the mission failed.

"They always tell me to go die so there is that," Izaya suddenly said, bursting the image of two worried sisters crying for their brother within the bat of an eyelid.

"The hell?" he questioned, his head twisting around so he could catch a glimpse of izaya's face- searching for that teasing grin he always wore, because- this had to be a joke right?

But there wasn't any hint of that. Instead the flea just shrugged softly.

"Guess this time they will get rid of me for good."

Grip tightening on the flea just a little the blond´s forhead creased into a frown.

"You are still alive," he announced firmly, but even Shizuo had realized by now just how dire the situation was.

how weak the fla´s body was growing and how cold and clammy he felt to his skin.

"Emphasize on still." Izaya responded, "You know it as well as I do if we meet a titan on our way we are done for."

The words were cold, harsh- but nothing but the truth. Letting his eyes scan their surroundings the blond looked for the monsters that caused this mess. Left and right, in the front and back- but there were none to be seen yet.

"Guess we gotta pay good attention then," he stated, passing yet another one of the huge trees that built this forest.

"You know, I have been wondering about it," the raven suddenly started, "How can you be so damn optimistic?" his voice was low, whether it was that way because he feared they might be discovered or because he was simply too weak to raise it any further was to be guessed. "Everything about you," the raven sighed, "Be it back at the training ground, and your situation was really anything but hopeful. Or your surprise over people being after me that are not titans for returning alive each and every time," Izaya resumed, still very vividly recalling the moment Shizu-chan had declared he didn't give a fuck about the rumors and didn't understand why they were being spread in the first place.

Honestly, like a child. "It's almost like you are too good for this world Shizu-chan," the raven finished- although it was nowhere near an accusation. Remaining this innocent and true to his ideals in a world like this, in a corrupted society like this was coming close to a miracle actually.

"And you? How can you deal with everything the way you do?" Shizu-chan suddenly said, throwing the raven into confusion once more.

"What do you mean?" Honestly the raven didn't know how but the blond always seemed to surprise him, always asked questions and said things that he didn't expect. Made him wonder whether the blond was smarter than he appeared or he lost too much blood already to keep up.

"Outside the wall titans are after you, inside the people think you are a murderer. Even that damned superior of yours," Shizu-chan started and there was this hint of anger hidden within his words, "It's like, everyone wants to kill you."

It reminded the blond way too much about himself- about how everyone called him a monster- he didn't quite deal with it as composed as Izaya did.

He reacted with violence only proving them right over and over again.

He longed for Izaya's strength.

Even now dangling from his back on the verge of dying he was still more calm and collected than Shizuo could ever hope to be.

"Well," Izaya hummed, "It´s true that I don't have many people who want to see me alive and kicking," he announced, almost sounding sad there for a second, "But I do." And suddenly his voice was just so smooth and light.

"My sisters," he spoke softly, "Shinra," a soft chuckle although impaired by a shortly followed gasp of pain followed at his next words, "And apparently you it seems. Except you are aiming for some sort of superior goal that I don't understand yet," he joked right after, and Shizuo couldn't help but smile at the words. "Wanna be a hero having rescued the captain perhaps?"

"Of course flea, that's it, now you got me," Shizuo agreed with the same hint of sarcasm that Izaya was showing. Something simple like a snort on the raven´s part and a curse dripping from his lips right after quickly drew them back to the crushing reality. Bursting the bubble they had been in as the raven´s hands gripped Shizuo´s shoulders just a tad tighter. It wasn't like the small laugh had hurt the raven badly- no, but it served as a grim reminder of what kind of situation they were in right now.

"Hold on, okay? I will get us home," the blond spoke softly, "Just a little bit longer." He knew Izaya wasn't going to listen to his words of encouragement, but at least Shizuo himself needed to hear them- even if they came from his own lips.

And suddenly he stopped straight in his steps.

Alerted Izaya's glance snapped up ahead- expecting to see the horror they were bound to meet outside the wall. He expected to see a pair of huge eyes staring at them, maybe a huge arms longing to grasp the meal it wanted to devour.

Except it was something entirely else that had made the blond stop.

Brown, calm it was standing there, quite lost in this wood.

"A horse," Shizu-chan said, and Izaya's response wasn't any less intelligent as he simply repeated after him.

"A horse."

For a second they were left to just stand there and look at this unexpected entity in front of their nose. The animal was sprinkled with blood, probably from its former rider, but still it was there, healthy.

"You really got an idiot´s luck," the raven sighed, and for the very first time since he got swallowed by that titan he felt something that came pretty close to a glimmer of hope that they were going to get home after all.

Yet Shizu-chan on the other hand seemed to be frowning even at this opportunity.

"But how-" he started, not quite finishing what he wanted to say.

Just the idea of putting Izaya on that horse, getting shaken would cause him a tremendous amount of pain- no matter how this was just…

Swallowing the end of his sentence the blond remained quiet, only tightening his grip on the flea´s thighs as he wondered what to do.

"What are you waiting for?" said raven breathed, either not seeing the problem or choosing not to care.

"This will hurt, you I mean, getting you on that horse and riding-" Shizu-chan started, pointing out just what it was that caused his hesitation.

… even more pain, huh? it wasn't like izaya didn't know that much already. Riding a horse in the state he was in was going to be hell, and yet-

"Just do it."

It was the only option they had, because walking all the way back was definitely going to get them both killed.

Wordlessly Shizu-chan moved over to the horse, being one of their troup it remained in place as he placed his hands on the animal and heaved himself up.

The horse was still in place not moving- and yet just from the action of getting up he could feel Izaya's weak pained grip tighten.

Instinctively he reached back, keeping ahold of the rein with one hand he tried to somehow keep Izaya in place with the other.

"Hey-"

"Go already," Izaya cut him off harshly, "The faster we are the sooner this is over," one way or another that is. Being dead was also an option to end his suffering but he wasn't going to tell the blond that out loud.

**to be continued~**

**For everyone who wants the poor flea to be fine again already- no worries xD soon everything will be over- one way or another LMAO xD**

**For those who enjoy seeing the flea suffer, only one more chapter of suffering to go people TAT look forward to the next chappy xD**

**Oh and check out "Kandisman" and "fantakoi" on tapas! They draw two amazing -coughs- gay -coughs- comics xD They are my absolute favourite and they deserve more love for their precious art omg Plz spread the love-! Cx I would love you for it xD**

**Oh and I started a Shizaya doujinshie today called "Trapped" on tapas xD I will be finishing the "Falling" one I started a year ago now as well xD So feel free to check that out too if you wanna Cx I'm gonna upload a new page today there C;**

**A link to my tapas profile is on my fanfiction profile xD If the link doesn´t work or show up- cuz ff likes to fuck with me lol- just google "Shirohimesstories tapas"**

**Lol and if you want some early spoilers for the doujinshies you can look at my twitter too if you wanna xD that one should be linked to my ff profile haha xD**

**Well then enough ranting for today, see you again on 8th July 2018~**


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